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AIBU?

Wtf? I helped stuff the bags!!!

91 replies

Patriciathestripper1 · 05/07/2017 23:46

Met my friend at toddler group when our kids were 2. 10 years on and we still meet once a week for coffee. Our girls have play dates and we support each other in our relationships mostly via txt! Girls meet for birthday party's etc.. always got on great.
Sounds great dosnt it?
But I didn't get invited to her daughters communion and a mutual freind (who she only got to know via me 2 years ago via me) went. Am I right to feel pissed off??

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JaneEyre70 · 06/07/2017 12:40

If you think she will give you an honest answer, then I would ask outright and say you feel a little hurt by it. If not, then I'd accept that she doesn't value your friendship in the way you do and back right off. You don't have to fall out, but I'd be very reluctant to go past a social hello and odd coffee and keep it very superficial.

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MeanAger · 06/07/2017 12:43

I've never heard of party bags but have you never been invited to a non-family communion?

No. At the chapel is child's parents and grandparents. Aunts, uncles and family friends come to see the child outside the chapel before they go in, sometimes after they come out but that's usually less common as photographer and all parents trying to herd kids together for a group photo. After the communion either the school has sandwiches, tea and a cake/cupcakes for the children and parents in a parish hall or school hall or individual families have their own meals booked in various eateries with parents and grandparents or a small family party at their house with more extended family. Never invitations or party bags and certainly not an event anyone other than a parent or grandparent would travel from France for!

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dustarr73 · 06/07/2017 12:47

I'm in Ireland and you definitely have to be invited.I wouldn't just turn up to a non family members communion.

I've also travelled to a communion in England.Its not such a big deal over there.

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WillRikersExtraNipple · 06/07/2017 12:54

So if you didn't know there was a party and only found out from photos, what were the party bags for that you helped fill?

Good question. You knew all about the communinion, why didn't you just ask her why you weren't invited?

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Pallisers · 06/07/2017 14:10

This first communion sounds like a farce tbh. Family travelling from France and party favours? It's a religious ceremony not a birthday party! What on earth did they do for her Confirmation? Hire a dj and a disco floor? Sounds like you were lucky to miss out on that twaddle.

What's farcical about having a party? Is there a rule about what things you can celebrate I didn't know about? Yes communion is a religious ceremony - a very joyful one for most families - and a good opportunity for friends and family to have a celebration if they want to. If they don't fine. If someone wants to have a dj and disco after a confirmation, why is that "twaddle"? Sounds like a grim way to live if that is how you react to parties and celebrations. And I take it you have never been to a bar or bat mitzvah - you'd probably faint with the excess of it all.

We had small parties for each communion - we like celebrating a significant religious ceremony. We invited (I know! Invitations! how pretentious of us) friends and family and some of them came from a lot further away than France/UK because they don't live near us and it was the only way for them to attend was to actually travel.

OP, personally I wouldn't say it to her but I would seriously adjust my feelings about that friendship - she does not consider you as close as you thought. sorry.

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theymademejoin · 06/07/2017 14:44

I'm surprised meanager. Obviously varies by location then. I've been to most of the neighbours' and various friends' (not the church part obviously) and have either been invited verbally or by text.

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Patriciathestripper1 · 06/07/2017 19:19

Everyone where I live has big communions,
Said friend had her local SuperValu cater it.
Others book local pubs/resteraunts for the after party.
She's calling here on her way home later for a coffee so I'm going to pluck up the courage to ask her but not sure how to phrase it. Prob stArt with what jaxhog said.

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Gazelda · 06/07/2017 19:47

You just have to come out with it.
"I was thinking about the communion. Didn't little Suzy look lovely? But I must admit I was a bit hurt not to have been invited. I hope I haven't upset you over anything - if I have then can we sort it out? Our friendship means a lot to me"

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Patriciathestripper1 · 06/07/2017 22:24

So she came down an I worked conversation round to her Dd dress she wore at communion.
Then I just came out and asked her why she didn't invite me
She said it was her husband who said he didn't want me there!! 😮
Turns out she had a massive row with him one night and had said "even Patricia thinks you are controlling" during the row.
He then banned me from the house. The thing is, I didn't even say that! She just made it up in the heat of the argument. And because of that I wasn't invited.
But I feel so pissed off about this now that I don't feel like being friends with her anymore.
She was apologetic but I feel like our freindship has been damaged. I mean wtf? Im being punished for something I didn't even do!!

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MeanAger · 06/07/2017 22:26

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LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 06/07/2017 22:29

Bullshut

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LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 06/07/2017 22:29

Shit I mean

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Theonethingididntwant · 06/07/2017 22:33

Seems really odd to admit this now rather than say anything to begin with. Surely she'd know you'd bring it up? Why has she let her husband ban any of her friends from their house? Surely that is controlling anyway and he's just proved her point if that is what happened

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SouthWindsWesterly · 06/07/2017 22:49

If that's the case, she shouldn't have let you help so much

I call BS

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MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 06/07/2017 22:56

That explanation is crap. So if he isn't controlling (and I'm guessing this is what the argument was about given her comment) why couldn't she say "shut up Bob, Patricia is one of my closest friends and has helped out with this, of course she is invited."

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angelikacpickles · 06/07/2017 22:59

But yet she let you help with the prep all the while knowing she wasn't inviting you? She's playing you for a fool.

MeanAger - I don't know where in Ireland you are, but every bouncy castle in the country is booked out for the month of May with communion parties. Loads of people have big parties at home and invite friends and neighbours. I find it hard to believe you have never heard of this concept.

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TheweewitchRoz · 06/07/2017 23:07

Sorry Op but that's a load of bullshit. Good on you for asking though just a pity she wasn't honest.

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Clawdy · 06/07/2017 23:07

For me it would be the end of the friendship. I wouldn't have a row, I'd just distance myself and let the friendship drift away.

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Patriciathestripper1 · 06/07/2017 23:20

I thought it was bull shit too actually.
And am going to start distancing myself from her tbh. Just feel really shitty now.

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knockedover · 06/07/2017 23:29

Given she knew she couldn't/wouldn't invite you it seems pretty shitty and underhand to rope you in to help. She didn't tell you beforehand because she didn't want to risk losing assistance. Dick move.

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MeanAger · 07/07/2017 00:00

I find it hard to believe you have never heard of this concept.

I'm sure you'll cope it's the truth. It just doesn't happen here. I'm in NI. It was my son's communion in May and several other friends and family members' this year. No invitations, favours/party bags/neighbours attending and certainly no bouncy castles.

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MissEliza · 07/07/2017 00:07

That's a shame Op but at least you know what kind of friend she is now.

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MusicForTheJiltedGeneration · 07/07/2017 00:08

If you were banned from the house why were you round there filling party bags and sorting out the beds for them?

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avamiah · 07/07/2017 00:10

Some people are just f-/up.
I have been planning to take my little one to see Wind In The Willows and my friend said that was a great idea and she and her little girl want to go so we should book together.
Great, as we go out together all the time.
Last weekend I called her and texted her a few times and no answer, then she texted me and said her husband booked tickets for wind in the Willows and they went .😳.
I had already told my daughter that we were all going together and now she is wondering why they went without us??
Good question.

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Pallisers · 07/07/2017 00:17

I find it hard to believe you have never heard of this concept.

I'm sure you'll cope wink it's the truth.

Have you really never heard of the fuss that is made about FHC in Ireland (do I have to specify Republic of Ireland)? In families other than 'Traveller families" ? Never heard people complain that it is all a bit ridiculous or had a friend in Ireland talk about what they were doing for the communion or read a newspaper article about it or heard something on the radio about restaurants booking out in May?

I'd presume things might be lower key in NI but I wouldn't think that because I did things a certain way in the US or my friends in Ireland did it a certain way, it must be the same in NI.

OP, you need to move on from this friendship. She either threw you under the bus or forgot about you. Either way, she isn't great for you.

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