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AIBU?

Wtf? I helped stuff the bags!!!

91 replies

Patriciathestripper1 · 05/07/2017 23:46

Met my friend at toddler group when our kids were 2. 10 years on and we still meet once a week for coffee. Our girls have play dates and we support each other in our relationships mostly via txt! Girls meet for birthday party's etc.. always got on great.
Sounds great dosnt it?
But I didn't get invited to her daughters communion and a mutual freind (who she only got to know via me 2 years ago via me) went. Am I right to feel pissed off??

OP posts:

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MrsOverTheRoad · 06/07/2017 01:12

My best friend chose someone else to be her matron of honour. It was so surprising that I decided that she must have her own reasons for it and so never said anything.

It;s the only thing she's ever done to hurt me so I just decided to accept that there was a reason....she just didn't want to tell me.

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user1497480444 · 06/07/2017 01:20

get over it? not everybody can get invited to eveerything

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KC225 · 06/07/2017 01:41

You have to mention it or it will eat away at you. At least ask if there was a reason that your mutual friend was invited and you weren't.

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PyongyangKipperbang · 06/07/2017 02:52

I smell a Gluezilla....friend enough to do the donkey work but not friend enough to actually be included in the event.

Bin her.

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nooka · 06/07/2017 03:29

It all seems a bit inappropriate to me (and I'm not even a catholic anymore!). First Communion is a solemn religious ceremony, my priests growing up would have been very disapproving of turning it into a party. I think that there was tea in the church hall and gifts of bibles only.

Anyway OP I would say something. Hopefully she thought you'd know you were invited and didn't mean to exclude you.

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RebootYourEngine · 06/07/2017 05:20

I would have to say something because it seems quite strange.

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TheMaddHugger · 06/07/2017 05:23

PyongyangKipperbang Thu 06-Jul-17 02:52:08
I smell a Gluezilla....friend enough to do the donkey work but not friend enough to actually be included in the event.

^^ This

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user1497480444 · 06/07/2017 05:31

or maybe it was the child who chose who to invite to her own communion

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BritInUS1 · 06/07/2017 05:38

Speak to her - she may have thought she invited you and was upset you didn't go ! X

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chaplin1409 · 06/07/2017 05:45

I would of assumed that you would not need an invite as you where helping with all the planning and preparations.

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UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 06/07/2017 05:58

Party favour bags for a First Communion? And family travelling from abroad for it? That seems completely OTT to me.

Moving to the point, I would defintely ask her about it. Either there's been some misunderstanding (she posted invite to you which never arrived, in which case she's probably upset that you didn't turn up) or she's a thoughtless person who isn't really your friend. You need to know which.

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n0rtherrn · 06/07/2017 10:57

You just need to ask her outright and not let it fester.

I can't don't think assuming someone would just turn up is likely.

When my daughter was christened, every single person we wanted there got a formal invitation. Including our parents, grandparents and the godparents. Not because it was 'necessary' to have a formal invitation or anything, but because they are nice keepsakes of people like to save that sort of thing, and it also ensure the there are no misunderstandings about time/date/location etc.

I would never assume anyone would just turn up if they were told that date in conversation unless they were actually verbally invited.

Either your invitation was lost in the post or forgotten about in the bottom of a bag, or your 'friend' is a bitch!

If you want to remain friends I would get it out in the open. She may well think she had properly invited you and wonder why you didn't show up.

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Justhadmyhaircut · 06/07/2017 11:03

Was in similar a few years ago. Helped disabled friend do entire Xmas shopping - gifts for her large family and food shop. Wrapped the entire lot - planned the Xmas menu for her dh to cook. Come April planned her dd party, shopped and prepared party food. My older dd did hair /nails /face paints. The following year after similar support throughout the year it came to her dd birthday again ( I have 2x dd same ages, play dates all year etc) we got an invite for a coffee at her home after the party had finished. .
Often wondered which mug did the day for her that year. .
I gave her the spare key back - used to go and clean /shop and put it away while she was out. .

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Trollspoopglitter · 06/07/2017 11:12

So if you didn't know there was a party and only found out from photos, what were the party bags for that you helped fill? Were they given out at the actual communion? Were you invited to that and did you get a bag?

Sounds like it was a small family & close friends only party at her house. If she showed you photos of it, then she's not hiding it from you. She's just assuming you both understand you're not very close friends. And, she is allowed to form a closer friendship with someone you introduced her to 2 years ago.

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theymademejoin · 06/07/2017 11:23

If you hadn't helped with the party bags, then I would just chalk it up to her not feeling you are as close as you do, particularly if it was a small party. However, asking for help with the party bags and then not inviting you when other non-family members are invited is really off. I would completely pull back.

Those of you who are surprised at the notion of a communion party - it depends on where you live. In Ireland, big parties are absolutely the norm. We did family only but I've been to loads of parties where I wouldn't have considered myself to be terribly close to the family.

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PaulAnkaTheDog · 06/07/2017 11:29

This first communion sounds like a farce tbh. Family travelling from France and party favours? It's a religious ceremony not a birthday party! What on earth did they do for her Confirmation? Hire a dj and a disco floor? Sounds like you were lucky to miss out on that twaddle.

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sparkleandsunshine · 06/07/2017 12:06

That's really mean! I'd ask!

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MeanAger · 06/07/2017 12:06

In Ireland, big parties are absolutely the norm.

I'm in Ireland have never heard of anything like as much fuss for a communion outside of traveller families. Certainly never heard of invitations and party bags.

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theymademejoin · 06/07/2017 12:12

MeanAger - I've never heard of party bags but have you never been invited to a non-family communion? In my experience, it's usually a text , but an invitation none the less.

I was only at one this year but it involved lots of friends, neighbours and family going round to the house in the afternoon/early evening with food and drink provided. I got a text saying if I was around, I was welcome to come along for some food and a few drinks.

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00100001 · 06/07/2017 12:16

Just ask?

Maybe friend is posting on NM saying " Met my friend at toddler group when our kids were 2. 10 years on and we still meet once a week for coffee. Our girls have play dates and we support each other in our relationships mostly via txt! Girls meet for birthday party's etc.. always got on great. Sounds great dosnt it? But She didn't come to my daughters communion . Am I right to feel pissed off??
Oh and she helped fill the communion favour bags for the table!! Insult to injury or what??"

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LadyPenelope67 · 06/07/2017 12:18

I'm usually a fan of just voting with my feet if I know I'm being fucked off by someone. But I can't work this one out...you helped her out and didn't get an invite? Not only that, but she failed to mention the house party to you at all? I think you have to ask her why and then, if you don't like the answer, delete her from your life.

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muckypup73 · 06/07/2017 12:20

Doyou think she is just assumming you are going anyway?

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glitterlips1 · 06/07/2017 12:24

The next party I had coming up I wouldn't invite her see what she says, then I would mentioned the fact I thought she wouldn't mind because I hadn't been invited to the communion.

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SaveMeBarry · 06/07/2017 12:25

I'm in Ireland too and a little "do" after the ceremony is entirely normal. Usually either at the family home or a restaurant. Certainly not at all unusual to invite friends, neighbours etc irrespective of their religion.

As regards travelling to attend one, yup, I've done that. For the children it's a big day and there is a lot of rehearsal etc leading up to it. My siblings children in the UK wouldn't really have had anyone to attend their celebrations had we not gone over and it meant a lot to them that we made that effort.

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Jaxhog · 06/07/2017 12:39

"The photos from the communion celebration are lovely, I hope you all had a good day? I was a bit disappointed not to be invited..."
this

There may be a perfectly reasonable explanation for why you weren't invited. Unlikely, but you never know.

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