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AIBU?

To really hate my house.

135 replies

Fedupfeelingthisway · 04/07/2017 10:59

We moved into our house 10 years ago this month. It's my husband's "dream house" and I went along with it at the time because I felt it had potential. At the time although it needed a lot of work done to it, I felt it would be ok. I knew that I would struggle to keep it clean myself as it literally would be a full time job I. Itself.

Anyway fast forward 10 years and it's had nothing spent on it and it's a delapodated shit hole. I fucking detest it with every ounce of my soul. However it's still my husband's dream house and despite the fact it's falling down around our ears if I ever say anything derogatory about it he takes it very badly. We basically don't have the money to do it up let alone maintain it, but until some kind of miracle happens it's just going to get worse.

I'm fed up, I'm constantly miserable because the house is always filthy, dusty and stinks. i hate it and not a week goes by where I don't break down because I'm so unhappy living here. If my husband ever catches me he gets angry and accuses me of being ungreatful.

It smells of rot, dogs and kids. It leaks in almost every room. Large black mouldy patches on ceilings, rotting window frames and wall paper hang off. Ancient heating system, filthy carpets. It was last decorated in the 70s and whoever was here before us simply painted over the wall paper. There are cobwebs too high to reach, it's dingy ancient and we don't even have guttering anymore. I absolutely hate it and if we ever do have money it'll just disappear into fixing what has been left to rot. We can't even afford new furnisture or carpets.

I don't even invite my friends over any more and my kids never have theirs round either.

I'm in tears writing this. I just can't take much more, I hate it so much. But we are stuck with it.

OP posts:
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another20 · 04/07/2017 20:26

If you bought it 10 years ago - I would imagine that you have generated some equity - even if it has deteriorated - or it is at least what you paid for it. Is he, or are both of you hung up on renovating / developing to make a profit? If so - then you need to just accept that you are not in the position to do that and move on. As I said up thread - I am in a v similar situation (not DH fault tho) and the worst is that my kids are ASHAMED of their home and wont have people over. I am gutted and ASHAMED that I allowed this to happen to them. So I am breaking free and moving. I dont have the appetite for it any longer.....

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stayathomegardener · 04/07/2017 21:12

Just get an estate agent in to value it.
Make your decision then, you might be surprised at the value and interest it would generate.

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Motoko · 04/07/2017 22:19

I agree with Bluntness100. Or, leave, as others have said.

It's all a bit moot though, as OP hasn't come back since this morning.

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WipsGlitter · 04/07/2017 22:25

How is it his dream house? Location?

Can you make and agree a list of stuff that needs done, roughly price it up and get him to see it's totally impossible to live there?

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stumblymonkeyagain · 04/07/2017 22:33

Is there a reason you haven't done anything in 10 years?

Do you have access to the family money?

If so, can't you sort it out as easily as your DH could?

Not saying that's right since he was the one that wanted it in the first place but maybe you can organise getting enough done to sell it or make it somewhere you might like to live?

If you don't have access to family money or a say in what it's spent on then there's bigger issues here than the house...

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MrsOverTheRoad · 05/07/2017 02:41

Stumbly "the family money" Hmm OP clearly says "We can't even afford new furnisture or carpets"

The house is too large and old for them to afford basically. They've taken on a house which needs more done to it than they're able to pay for.

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1AngelicFruitCake · 05/07/2017 05:30

You need to talk to your husband and have an action plan (hopefully to sell it!)

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Nanny34 · 02/10/2023 09:04

I could have written this myself. 😭😭😣 I feel exactly the same way about my house. It’s a dilapidated shite hole. I want to throw a grenade at it and run away.
Out of interest, how are you getting on now? Are you still there?

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CherryMaDeara · 02/10/2023 09:07

Oh wow I thought you were going to say it’s been 10 years and you’ve renovated it but still hate it!

I think it’s time to cut your losses and sell.

If DH doesn’t agree, divorce him.

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CherryMaDeara · 02/10/2023 09:14

Oh zombie

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