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Original poster

To ask if sometimes, men just leave and there's no other woman?

82 replies

MrsOverTheRoad · 04/07/2017 00:56

I always see on here when a DH leaves his wife out of the blue, all the posters say "He has another woman...wait and see...she'll come out of the woodwork soon"

And very often, it's true.

But some men must just leave...right? A very good couple friend of mine and DH's has broken up because he's suddenly said he's not happy and is leaving. He moved out immediately and stayed in his office...within a week he had a rental flat.

We...the friends and other mates, are all shocked. His wife is in absolute bits and we're all supporting her as well as we can.

They've been married for 25 years and their business has JUST begun to be successful....they're only in their 40s and should be enjoying their time with some money etc but he's just gone and left!

He says it's because he loves her but not in "that deep love way" Hmm

I asked my DH if he thought there could be another woman and he says he's almost positive not...that the man doesn't have time for an affair....

It's so awful and has really upset everyone...her the most of course! But we all feel very sad too. Do some men just go? No OW?

OP posts:
Seeingadistance · 04/07/2017 01:00

Sometimes it's an OM.

Original poster
MrsOverTheRoad · 04/07/2017 01:03

Well yes...quite! But I'm pretty sure this man is not closeted.

OP posts:
OkPedro · 04/07/2017 01:03

Yes it happened to me. My ex ended our relationship two years ago. We have two dc. In the early days I imagined the ow would suddenly appear but no two years later ex is single. He was unhappy, our relationship wasn't working so he ended it. I was devastated at the time. We get along great now, we were just not working as a couple

user1494187262 · 04/07/2017 01:03

I bet there is one

TheNaze73 · 04/07/2017 01:04

It happens a lot. They may have multiple Tinder type arrangements after but, a lot don't jump out of the frying pan into the fire into another relationship.

FelixtheMouse · 04/07/2017 01:12

I know 3 men who left their wives. Only 1 had an OW. The other 2 had just had enough of their relationship so yes, in my experience men do sometimes leave a marriage without there being someone else.

Original poster
MrsOverTheRoad · 04/07/2017 01:12

It's so upsetting. Of course, though a marriage may seem good to outsiders, we have no way of really knowing what's going on...but when it's your friends, it's unsettling isn't it?

DH and I were both shocked...it's DH's best mate really...or one of his best mates. And we just keep thinking about how we can't just ask them both over any more. :(

Selfish of us to think that...we can ask them individually of course.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsOverTheRoad · 04/07/2017 01:14

He..the friend, hadn't confided in DH at all....not once did he talk about his plans or being unhappy.

She had sometimes said to me that he was "selfish" and that he never did much in the house and that he worked too much. But so many people say these things!

OP posts:
FeralBeryl · 04/07/2017 01:16

Yes sadly Sad
My DB left his wife (childhood sweetheart too) last year. We are exceptionally close and he confides far too much in me about everything so I would know.
There was no one else, still isn't. He just didn't love her anymore.
It's all very acrimonious still re: DCs because she hadn't got any kind of closure, she's actually said she'd almost have preferred there to be an OW because at least she'd have a reason why he skipped out of a 'not awful' marriage.
He refused relate etc, he just made up his mind and didn't ever change it.
I hated him on her behalf, but long term I realise she deserves far far more and will one day hopefully find someone who realises she's fabulous.

Original poster
MrsOverTheRoad · 04/07/2017 01:18

Beryl it's hard to contemplate isn't it? Just...not loving your wife anymore seems hard and weird

If you've had children with someone...and loved them once...and they're not awful, then how can you NOT have some love for them? How does that love you once had, just die?

OP posts:
KC225 · 04/07/2017 01:21

Worked who had a huge wedding, they were living together at the time. Six months later he announced he didn't want to be married, felt trapped etc. We all thought, OW but there wasn't one. He left her the house, bought a one bed flat and got on with his life. She was devastated

FeralBeryl · 04/07/2017 01:25

To me it's unthinkable yes, but in hindsight (a wonderful thing!) they were never a great fit.
They had very different values, he couldn't understand her lack of ambition, they never spent 'nice' time together, there were family issues etc.
When pushed he said he'd felt this way for years, it irks me because if the bloody idiot had acknowledged it at the time, it may have been fixable. But by the time he told her - to him, it was dead in the water. He had no wish to work at it.
He is living in very difficult, penniless, lonely circumstances now, but says he still feels happier and can sleep at night without worrying about wanting to go. Sad

Original poster
MrsOverTheRoad · 04/07/2017 01:26

KC I can almost understand that better than this...to spend 25 years with someone and then leave seems more shocking to me...

OP posts:
FrogFairy · 04/07/2017 01:26

My husband didn't have an OW, he just didn't want me.

Looking back I question if he ever really loved me.

Notknownatthisaddress · 04/07/2017 01:27

"The man doesn't have time to have an affair."

Funniest thing I have heard all day.

Men ALWAYS find time for an affair if they want one!

Never known a man leave with nowhere to go by the way (and no woman in tow!) And when they do fuck off, they leave the kids of course. How many men EVER attempt to take the kids with them?

Irresponsible selfish cunts, men who do this.

Sometimes I don't think people fall out of love. They just weren't in love with that person in the first place.

OkPedro · 04/07/2017 01:27

Mrs Can you really not understand that everyone's relationship is different? It isn't always as simple as "loved them once"
You don't know the first thing about your friends relationship. He was possibly an arsehole or maybe she was having an affair

MistressDeeCee · 04/07/2017 01:29

99% of the time there is an OW or some Tinderhopping or similar. Enjoying their new found freedom. They won't say that though. & can hide what they're doing very well especially if moving away from their old area. There's always someone to say nooo they'd never have an affair! too. So that helps with the smokescreen

MistressDeeCee · 04/07/2017 01:32

Or OM as PP pointed out. I've known that to happen. People were very much OMG. Yet mostly, you only know about people what they choose to show you or let you know

Original poster
MrsOverTheRoad · 04/07/2017 01:35

NotKnown that seems fair to think...that people get married and live a lie for a while. Incredibly stupid to marry in those circumstances though!

OP posts:
sobeyondthehills · 04/07/2017 01:41

My parents were married for god knows how many years and one day my mum ups and leaves.

As far as I know there was not another man I would be the last to know

She just waited for all us to grow up and leave the nest, or once we had left the nest, they realised they have nothing in common anymore.

I will say according to my family I left my husband because I wasn't happy. However, the truth is I caught him cheating on me with another man, so it does depend on the story that is spun

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/07/2017 01:45

Ime (and it is just mine) of the marriages I know that have ended, men tend to leave when OW is waiting in the wings, women tend to leave to be on their own.

Interestingly the non affair break ups ultimately ended up much more amicable, with both parties waiting at least a year before having another relationship. Of the affair break ups, they were all messy and acrimonious with the cheaters all ending up on their own within a year or so. Of the cheaters we are still in touch with, they all regret their break ups whereas the non cheaters dont seem to (or at least dont say that they do).

OkPedro · 04/07/2017 02:08

You're ridiculously judgemental and clueless mrsovertheroad 😓

Whodoesthis17 · 04/07/2017 02:15

I have seen this happen alot and it seems to be a case of lots of people don't want to put any effort into making it over the rough patches, they just up and leave.

Seems the woman are better at being alone now. than the men.

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/07/2017 02:22

Sometimes I don't think people fall out of love. They just weren't in love with that person in the first place.

This is very true. And they are often the people who have guests at their wedding saying "I give it a year". You can usually tell when one or both are marrying for reasons other than true love.

Original poster
MrsOverTheRoad · 04/07/2017 02:23

Pedro I ignored your first, weirdly agressive post and I will ignore any others you leave here. You sound a bit unhinged. This is an ordinary discussion with some questions which everyone else has answered to the best of their knowledge. There's no judging...I asked a question.

Now bugger off.

OP posts:
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