To ask if sometimes, men just leave and there's no other woman?

[MrsOverTheRoad]

I always see on here when a DH leaves his wife out of the blue, all the posters say "He has another woman...wait and see...she'll come out of the woodwork soon"

And very often, it's true.

But some men must just leave...right? A very good couple friend of mine and DH's has broken up because he's suddenly said he's not happy and is leaving. He moved out immediately and stayed in his office...within a week he had a rental flat.

We...the friends and other mates, are all shocked. His wife is in absolute bits and we're all supporting her as well as we can.

They've been married for 25 years and their business has JUST begun to be successful....they're only in their 40s and should be enjoying their time with some money etc but he's just gone and left!

He says it's because he loves her but not in "that deep love way"

I asked my DH if he thought there could be another woman and he says he's almost positive not...that the man doesn't have time for an affair....

It's so awful and has really upset everyone...her the most of course! But we all feel very sad too. Do some men just go? No OW?

Well, the women who post in relationships on here leave to be alone. That's a slightly bigger sample.

I dont think its so much that many women (not all!) leave in order to be alone, but that they are ok with leaving an unhappy marriage with the consequence that they will be alone. Whereas many men (not all!) would rather stay in an unhappy marriage until they have a sure thing to leave for.

Consider the phenomenon of widows/widowers. Far more men remarry quickly after their spouse passing away than women. There have been many threads on MN of fathers marrying within months of the mother dying yet I dont recall a single one of a mother doing the same thing (happy to be corrected).

In short.....and in general...... it seems that women would rather be alone than unhappy whereas men would rather be unhappy than be alone.

In my case it broke down because there were (lots of, I think) OM. Hi ho.

In short.....and in general...... it seems that women would rather be alone than unhappy whereas men would rather be unhappy than be alone.

Exactly this. Of course it is a generalisation, and there will always be exceptions, but that's about the size of it.

I also don't think it's that men would prefer be unhappy than alone, per se. It's that they actually are nowhere near as well equipped to fend for themselves. See: widowers hurriedly remarrying.

Women, on the other hand, can not only fend for themselves, but their load is way lighter after a split, without also having to look after a man.

Women also (generalisation alert) tend to manage the social calendar, so if there's a split, the man really is more alone.

I left my ex a couple of years ago, with no OW involved.

We had been struggling for years (tried counselling), so it wasnt totally out of the blue, but I dont think she'd expected it. I had nowhere to go and no plan. I just couldnt stay.

The thing about the kids is interesting. My ex worked part time 3 days a week, to look after the kids and to study. Her wage drop meant I had to go further afield for work/salary to make up the gap. When I left I moved a 60+ minute drive away to be near work (cant afford rent and commuting costs to live closer), she worked literally over the road, the kids went to school 1 mile away from home. Taking the kids with me made no sense at all, and doing so really would have made me a "selfish irresponsible c*nt".

Of course that happens sometimes.

Some people lack effective ways of expressing their negative emotions anywhere on the spectrum between calm/funny and histrionics/anger. Some people see resentment, unhappiness or abusive behaviour in a marriage as something they are duty bound to get their head down and bear. Some people are so upset or down that they can't see any way to a reasonable conversation about it, it will just lead to tears and you would both just be happier apart.

All of these can mean your relationship might just end one day, even though there is no other person.

I won't suggest for a moment that men are quite often emotionally stunted because that's sexist against men, apparently - but it's fair to say anyone who was might end a relationship without much explanation.