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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking guests to pay for baby shower

108 replies

ExitStrategies · 02/07/2017 19:51

to 'treat' the mum to be on her 'special day' Smile

Is it a thing now? To ask guests to pay towards the food and decorations??

It's not a surprise shower (mum to be has been talking about it for weeks). The friend hosting has asked everyone to pay £10 towards lunch, cake and decorations. Oh and reminded us all ... via whatsapp group ... to bring a present or contribute to a group present.

IME a baby shower is a sort of party (games, chat) with refreshments and cake provided by the family or host. And gifts of course but you don't mention gifts do you?? It just feels like it's all about the gifts and donating to the 'special day'.

AIBU and old fashioned?

OP posts:
SenecaFalls · 03/07/2017 20:14

Thank God, I have never been invited to a gender reveal party. Just as well, I suppose, because I would be announcing loudly at every opportunity: "it's SEX, not gender, y'all."

Chattymummyhere · 03/07/2017 20:44

I've been invited to a family baby shower and while moaning to a friend her 8yr old piped up "but why it could still die".

Anyway I hate baby showers they'd are grabby gravy grabby over here considering people give gifts once the baby arrives. Infact this person who's shower I have been invited too has already had a gender gift off us, now wants a shower gift and we will be expected to bring a gift once it arrives.

But because it's family I'm expected to go Angry

lady888 · 16/09/2019 14:21

hello.. honestly speaking, I totally understand your feeling. I recently being invited to a baby shower. we have to pay for a horriable expensive meal by yourselves, and then being asked to bring gifts and even named what preferred gifts. And also indicated that if we dont know what to bring and just give money..... when I arrived there and then i see almost all the lady friends and their friends's friends, or family who had not seen for many years and being invited. It was such a huge party. Basically it is a donation party with the name of the baby shower. I feel kind of ripe off at the end and also wasted my whole day.

I just hope any other more decent couple would not do this to their guests and considered that is totally appropriate and smart to get full supply for the baby before it is born. Honestly speaking, if i feel this is ripe off and I am sure other guests will feel the same. If i am young and not having much money and need the support. I would invite the close family or friends to my home- and serve them the home made food (does not have to be expensive at all ). I am sure the close friends or family will bring the gifts to give some support. and then I would send a message to all the person who being invited and thanking them for all the gifts and really appreciate their support in this critical time. I am sure everyone will be happily to spend the money.

But of course, if you want to have a fancy party and then at least you should pay for the meals and the guests can buy their own drinks. As after all, all guest have spent a lot of money to buy the gifts .

DobbyLovesSocks · 16/09/2019 14:40

Urrgghh - I HATE baby showers. Especially for 2nd, 3rd or even 4th children (saw this on my fb a while ago). I get it for first borns as they can help set up the mum to be with stuff she may need but they just come across as grabby. I got invited to one baby shower - 2nd child - and the invite said 'to celebrate with the mummy-to-be'. She was already a mummy!!! I declined
Unbeknownst to me, and knowing my feelings on baby showers, my colleagues planned to celebrate my last day of work before Mat leave with a little party for me. Everyone chipped in to get me pampery bits for me and a few toiletries for baby - I went and gave birth early and denied them the priveledge whoopsie
I would much rather buy you a present once your baby is here and can see you and baby and pass on present

Durgasarrow · 16/09/2019 14:52

I don't get why anyone British should be angry at Americans if a group of British people choose of their own free will to copy (whether crassly or tastefully) an American tradition. That ain't on us.

thecatinthetwat · 16/09/2019 15:00

I've been asked to bring something before, which I think is fine. Asking for money is never ok.

That's £150! Wow, for an afternoon in someones home - I hope you enjoy the caviar op!

123chocolate · 16/09/2019 15:09

YANBU. They sound ridiculous.

Nodancingshoes · 16/09/2019 16:32

The only baby shower that is acceptable in my eyes is a buffet type thing put on by the mtb's mother, sister or best friend in their own home or a hall. Guests rock up with a small present, eat the buffet food, chat to friends and have a nice afternoon. I have no problem with that. The whole extravegent hen party, baby shower culture is grabby and entitled in my opinion. A girl at my work has had 2 baby showers fully paid by the guests and a hen weekend fully paid by the guests... I just couldn't and wouldn't do that

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