Asking guests to pay for baby shower

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to 'treat' the mum to be on her 'special day'

Is it a thing now? To ask guests to pay towards the food and decorations??

It's not a surprise shower (mum to be has been talking about it for weeks). The friend hosting has asked everyone to pay £10 towards lunch, cake and decorations. Oh and reminded us all ... via whatsapp group ... to bring a present or contribute to a group present.

IME a baby shower is a sort of party (games, chat) with refreshments and cake provided by the family or host. And gifts of course but you don't mention gifts do you?? It just feels like it's all about the gifts and donating to the 'special day'.

AIBU and old fashioned?

Do you think the same about weddings being held in church for people who don't really attend church? wink

You get the same gifts for being married in a church as you do at any other wedding. So no, not grabby. Merely hypocritical.

I'm going to one this month and have been asked to bring a picnic blanket, non alcoholic drink and my own lunch (because I've got allergies. Tbh I'd prefer that though, it's not fair to ask them to worry if the food they've already got is ok for me) haven't been asked for money. I'd seriously consider not going if I had been.

Baby showers yuk horrible.

All academic.

I wouldn't go to a baby shower in any form.

I'm not a fan of baby showers at all, just the idea of the expectation to give a gift more that anything.
That said, this wouldn't bother me too much. All the ones I've been to have been a meal or afternoon tea where everyone lays for themselves so a tenner is a cheaper option.

I request don't get he posters taking about 'very bad luck' and 'tempting fate'. If, god forbid, something terrible happens with the remainder of the pregnancy/the birth it has sod all to do with whether anyone had a baby shower or bought a gift while the baby was in utereo.

The British tradition of having a Christining when you set foot in a church once a year is tacky and grabby

The thing that makes it both tacky and grabby is turning it into some fuck off excuse to invite all your mates, expect presents from everybody and all get shitfaced in a pub somewhere - none of which are "tradition" at an English Christening unless you're from Barnsley

You will all hate me! I had TWO baby showers for one baby and people donated to cover the cost of both. I got loads of presents and then got loads when DD was born because she is the first baby in both families for 15 years and I'm the first out of all my friendship groups to have a baby. I didn't ask for any of it but appreciate it very much. Such lovely days with family and friends.
TBH £10 isn't that much to pay for afternoon tea. If you don't want to go then don't go. I didn't have a clue about either shower till I walked through the door so I don't think I was grabby, just very much loved.

I went for one where the 'surprise' shower was arranged by the mom's best friend but got told about the contribution after I accepted the invite. Later found out that mom to be had booked the venue and made arrangements herself so not a surprise really.

Oh this thread kind of makes me laugh! I'm American, I'm looking forward to my US style baby shower (I'm 22 weeks), as it helps with the loneliness of being abroad while pregnant. My family has requested a baby registry, so they can send me gifts for the baby. But, in my family, the baby shower is where the entire family stocks up what you need for the baby, fills the nursery, paints the nursery, etc.. I'm not supposed to buy anything for my baby, as the family supports the new mom and dad. My mother says the reasoning is, you have more than enough to deal with, let us take care of what your baby needs for the first few months. They also know what we should need, as they've had their own children.

Its significantly more family related, and you have a barbecue, or large meal that people bring in. Sometimes you have it at a restaurant, and you hire out an event room for it. Play music, games, etc.. Its very community/family oriented, and people don't mention money, they just show up with what they can/want. My brother and his fiance had a baby, and for their shower I ordered their car seat, baby bouncer, and me and my sisters paid for their cot and pram. Her parents gave them a check, to help with money while my SIL is on unpaid maternity leave (we don't have paid mat leave in the US). I'll expect multiple gift cards to places where I can buy items for the baby, like Mothercare, John Lewis, etc..

But, this is just what we do in my family, and it might be a cultural thing for African Americans. We play games and celebrate the new baby arriving into the family. My sister is knitting and crocheting clothes, blankets, socks, booties, which will arrive on the baby shower date. Our family doesn't drink very much, so there's no alcohol unless someone brings a bit for themselves. While we're there, usually my aunts and grandmother would discuss breastfeeding and getting through the first few weeks with a newborn.

As my family is over 4000 miles away, they want to do this but as a Skype discussion with my family, while sending gifts to us. My mom is gifting us the cotbed, book cases, and changing table. My mom is also gifting us diapers for the first year of the our baby's life. My MIL (who is British) is gifting the pram and stroller. Its not like we can't afford it, but our family tradition means we're not supposed to pay for it. My friends in the UK are planning a US style baby shower for me, as they said it sounds like a great idea to help with my homesickness.

Showers are nothing like in the US. I went to my cousins there it was lively a fabulous tradition.

Unfortunately since popularity here they have been tackied up to the nines. Not a tradition just a grab.

I wouldn't mind paying for afternoon tea or a meal out in a restaurant. Or taking a CLOSE friend out for a pre-baby lunch. But this is at someone's house (45 min drive each way). The host wants everyone to contribute to food, cake, balloons and stuff for games on top of gifts!

As a PP said, mum to be might have no idea host has asked for donations and be mortified. But she has been involved with the planning and talking about games and how much fun we'll have for ages. I do like her or I wouldn't go. I'm not sure why she hasn't offered the host money to cover the cost of food and drink!

Great excuse not to go. I'd rather be sick in my lap, I loathe 'baby showers' and all that they stand for.

Some people are so precious they must be well acquainted with gollum

Smeagols everywhere

Amd724 that sounds like a wonderful tradition - so nice that it's the family and community coming together to support you. I hope you have a brilliant shower.

Well, I wouldn't go to a baby shower if I was held at gunpoint, but off topic, I once worked with someone who charged everyone £10 to go to her night!! Sadly, I couldn't make that either.

*hen

Olddear - I also thought I would hate baby showers but to be honest I've enjoyed most (not all) of the ones I've attended. It really is an older tradition here in the States and it's lovely to see multi-generations of women in a family handing down time honoured baby items. As far as giving gifts go as well, actually I find I don't resent giving a baby gift which I know will be useful, whereas I often resent the wedding gift/cash request of modern marriages because most couples in this day and age really don't need anything to get a home started. I have always found the mother-to-be to be more appreciative of baby gifts than wedding couples also...

I do hate the silly baby games though!

Just decline the invite then.

I'm American and the shower thing (engagements, weddings, all of the variations) are completely out of control. They were already bad 25 years ago ("how 'bout a crystal shower") but not as bad as now.

But: I venture that "Gender Reveal" parties foreshadow the terminal decline of the US as a world power. Who needs the Donald when A CROWD OF PEOPLE are watching a woman cut a cake to see if the sponge is pink or blue, I ask you.

The host should pay. Although I paid when we went for afternoon tea for baby no 4. I'm not sure you are meant to have showers for subsequent babies. In America, a second time mum gets a 'sprinkle'. Which is on a much smaller scale.

That is rude and grabby, and to bring a gift as well . I would say no sorry you can't make it, or I will give the mother a gift once the baby is born.

I feel the way most people seem to feel about baby showers about hen dos. More often than not, the bride knows she will be paid for and have a good time, is that too considered grabby? Not generally, no. Plus hen dos run into the hundreds of pounds, rather than the cost of a plate of sandwiches and a pair of baby socks! C'mon... The pregnant lady is your friend, pregnancy can be tough, childbirth is tough, the first few months are tough... are we really begrudging a few nibbles and an afternoon together pre shithittingthefan baby?
When you compare it to an expensive 2 night, almost compulsory, piss up with a group of women you may or may not really know, in advance of an expensive wedding a few weeks later... I know which I'd choose!

I know OVienna absolutely ridiculous and out of control, just a money making thing isen't it.