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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking guests to pay for baby shower

108 replies

ExitStrategies · 02/07/2017 19:51

to 'treat' the mum to be on her 'special day' Smile

Is it a thing now? To ask guests to pay towards the food and decorations??

It's not a surprise shower (mum to be has been talking about it for weeks). The friend hosting has asked everyone to pay £10 towards lunch, cake and decorations. Oh and reminded us all ... via whatsapp group ... to bring a present or contribute to a group present.

IME a baby shower is a sort of party (games, chat) with refreshments and cake provided by the family or host. And gifts of course but you don't mention gifts do you?? It just feels like it's all about the gifts and donating to the 'special day'.

AIBU and old fashioned?

OP posts:
Neverknowing · 02/07/2017 20:32

It's a nice thing for the mother I don't understand why you wouldn't do it!! It's £10 and you'll have a nice time as will they, if you won't have a nice time then don't !

TrueLove83 · 02/07/2017 20:37

I've gone for a baby showers taken a nice expensive present and on both occasions they were afternoon teas and we had to pay for our own!

steff13 · 02/07/2017 20:39

You don't throw a party with the express purpose of giving the guest of honor gifts and then expect the guests to pay for the privilege of attending. The host(s) pay. They could maybe, maybe ask the mom-to-be's mother and/or MIL to contribute.

ToadsforJustice · 02/07/2017 20:43

YANBU. Baby showers are a tacky American import that should be avoided at all costs.

Iamastonished · 02/07/2017 20:45

So, essentially, you have to buy a ticket to attend? I would just say you are busy that day.

londonrach · 02/07/2017 20:52

Yabu. Seriously it vvvvvvv bad luck to do a baby shower or buy anything prior to birth. I would refuse end of story as the only time i did the baby was born full term still birth. Yabu. Id ban baby showers if i could. Tempting fate. Celebrate after the safe birth not before. (Mother to be died in birth and baby this week in my village after huge baby shower so might be effecting my reaction)

Jaxhog · 02/07/2017 20:53

It's out of order. Either the host provides basic drinks and nibbles, or you do it as a 'bring and share'. Or you don't do it.

And reminding people to bring presents is a very tacky. Either they will or they won't.

StickThatInYourPipe · 02/07/2017 20:57

We had my friends 'baby shower' down the pub. we had a big meal with everyone (men included) to have one last meal as single childless people together. It was great!

I really do t understand this baby shower thing with the guess what's in the nappy games I would hate it for myself! And to ask people to pay!?!?? Omg YADNBU!!

DirtyChaiLatte · 02/07/2017 20:57

Please say that you're not going...... you can't come here and complain and then still attend and play along with their madness.

PratStick · 02/07/2017 21:02

Baby showers aren't tacky, or 'look at me', They're a nice way of helping out a family with the cost of baby gear. People throw them for friends, to be nice. It is not tradition to charge a fee. Though I suppose this saves the person throwing the shower from spending all their money... but really it should be a bit diy and homemade. Maybe everyone bring a plate of food.

The British tradition of having a Christining when you set foot in a church once a year is tacky and grabby.

Rubies12345 · 02/07/2017 21:03

Baby showers are only for the first baby.

StickThatInYourPipe · 02/07/2017 21:04

But Prat baby showed aren't tradition in the UK and have been dragged over from America with the expectations growing all the time. Soon they will be weekends away! Just like the Prom and Hen party madness!

steff13 · 02/07/2017 21:07

But you take our traditions like baby showers and prom and do them in a way that they're not done here, then complain about them.

PratStick · 02/07/2017 21:07

They've been going for the past 10-15 years at least. It is now a thing. No need to rant about grabby American traditions. I can't see how wanting to help a young family out is grabby. The American tradition is very low key, if it's turned in to a TOWIE party here, thats not the fault of the tradition.

Vanillaisboring666 · 02/07/2017 21:09

Baby showers are awful anyways. American bollocks. Thy are greedy. Get a present before baby is born and also getting one when back y is here ??? I just don't get it. If I attended a baby shower I'd feel obliged to take a gift and the same when baby was born. It's not something I ever wanted during my 4 pregnancies

blue25 · 02/07/2017 21:10

Hate baby showers. Went to one in a hotel where everyone had to pay for their own (expensive) food & drink and take a present. Cringe...

greendale17 · 02/07/2017 21:13

i am a firm believer that if you are hosting a party you do not ask guests for money or food donations

StickThatInYourPipe · 02/07/2017 21:17

Steff I don't deny that at all, but that is how they are represented in movies and tv shows and then copied in the UK. I don't think it's Americas fault at all.

Pratt charging someone £10 to attend a baby shower and then demand gifts is grabby. People would bring gifts anyway you don't need to make them feel like a wrapped box is their entry ticket. Also, if you want people to contribute, ask people to bring a dish or drinks, asking for money is tacky and unnecessary

dontbesillyhenry · 02/07/2017 21:22

It's just so gauche. I know someone who did this. Planned by herself and second child. I was naturally busy that day

NamelessEnsign · 02/07/2017 21:22

I am currently in a weird guilt/obligation place following a dear friend's baby shower a few months ago. It was organised by DF's friend, who I don't know. I agreed to the shower (FWIW I have two DC and have had zero baby showers) and was (much) later told it would be £25, as well as 70 miles away.

I went along and took cash but the shower ran late and I had to leave early because I needed to be back so DH could get to work. I forgot to pay, but messaged the organiser to 'fess up. She never responded, so I'm left wondering if DF's mother or MIL decided to pay for the day (both fairly wealthy). But I feel terribly guilty! The organiser has now moved so I'm unlikely to see her. So actually I want to know if IABU!

In general though I dislike baby showers, no matter how much they are disguised as 'just a chance to get people together'. Surely the fact of actually getting to have a baby is exciting enough?!

Only1scoop · 02/07/2017 21:28

Ugh how crass

Lilmy3 · 02/07/2017 21:30

I think the £10 or the present would be OK, but baby stuff is expensive and it's unreasonable to expect someone to pay for both.

chocolateworshipper · 02/07/2017 21:31

The only baby shower I've ever been to, the mum-to-be specifically asked for NO gifts (she preferred to wait until after the baby was born) and her and her mum paid for the refreshments.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 02/07/2017 21:49

AllRoads. Poor you, railroaded into birthday celebrations you didn't want, but you did as asked & tried to make it fun & a little less about you & now you've been told that might have been more grabby 😫 Don't worry about it, anyone who cares about you knows you're not & anyone who thinks otherwise doesn't matter.

With certain exceptions ^^ organising your own 'Baby Shower' is just wrong. Friends/family organising one is fine, if that's what they really want and if the MTB is ok with it.

Organising your own 'last lunch' 🤣 'No Presents' is fine too.

It is BEYOND grabby to ask people to pay. 'Bring a plate' - fine, meet at a venue & pay for your own afternoon tea/lunch etc - fine. We want to do a shower for x do you want to be involved? (Ie contribute) - fine. But be asked to pay to attend a baby shower at someone's house is just awfully tacky.

specialsubject · 02/07/2017 21:51

As I understand it the Americans don't give gifts after birth, the issue here is that we do so it looks super grabby .

While there is no such thing as luck, I also agree that presents are for babies that have arrived safely. And they are only extras, the essential baby kit is cheap ( everything can be second hand except car seat and mattress) if you can't afford the kit you shouldn't be partying!

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