Can't stand OH sister?

[Happy101]

Hi Ladies, first time poster here!

So basically I really can't stand my OH's younger sister, and i'm really tempted to say something outright as it starting to have an impact on our relationship, but I know its not really my place. For instance both of us are the same age, yet she acts years younger. She can't drive and expects OH to take her places even at 1/2 in the morning, he once spent the whole day driving her to her friends and back then to a party etc. which I find pathetic as she refuses to book her own test, she expects OH to pay for everything for her when it comes to meals out, and asks for really lavish gifts. This frustrates me as we don't have a lot of money and i've never received anything expensive from OH, yet she asks for gifts totalling hundreds of pounds! I questioned him about it and she barks on about how she's had a hard year and she deserves it! She has crazy mood swings like a petulant child, and can go days without speaking to her own parents, whilst refusing to tell them whats wrong. I hate being around her as all the attention is always on her, and OH says he's simply protecting her! I find it pathetic that everyone walks on eggshells around her and treats her like a little princess. Even more shocking that we are both the same age, yet we literally feel decades apart. Part of me blames their mum as she is the exact same, and acts like a child too, expecting their men to do everything for them, and being a very independent woman my elf i find it insufferable. Should I say how I feel to OH, or is this a battle i should just ignore?

[AddictedToDrPepper]

Not everyone here is a lady :)

It depends, how long have you and your oh been together?

[MargaretTwatyer]

Have you asked OH if there is something in the background that motivates this behaviour? A background of abuse for example?

[Allthebestnamesareused]

How long have you been with OH?

I'd seriously considering LTB if his Princess Sister is more important than his OH unless you tell me you've been together 3 months!

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I had real issues with my exDH's family. Having a DH now whose family I love, I'd never marry or have a LTR with someone who was very attached and involved with a family I found annoying. It really is a battle you can't, and probably shouldn't, win.

That dynamic has formed over decades.

[AddictedToDrPepper]

Allthe Simply asking because if they've been together years I'd have expected this convo to have come up by now - I sure as hell wouldn't have put up with it in a relationship. If they've only been together weeks/a couple of months then I can see why it hasn't come up before now, and would advise definitely having that conversation and leaving him if he thinks it's acceptable to put his sisters brattyness before his partner.

[AddictedToDrPepper]

Just realised that wasn't even directed at me. I'm too tired for the internet now, brain fog. Sorry!

[Happy101]

We've been together around a year, so we don't live together but we are getting to the stage where we are really considering our future.

[TabascoToastie]

How old is she? Is he much older? If she's a 16 and the brother is older then it's unhealthy but sort of understandable that she treats him as her father.

If she's an adult then the whole thing is crackers.

[Happy101]

We are both the same age, both early twenties.

[Happy101]

I know its not my place but if my OH wants to seriously start considering a future together then i think this needs to be sorted. My issue is that her behaviours effect him which then effect me. I can't spend as much time with him as we'd both like because he feels like he has to make sure she's ok, which i respect, but she then takes advtange. For instance she asked him to pick her up from a nightclub at 3 in the morning!

[Bluntness100]

You sound jealous op. Jealous that she gets gifts, lifts, is the centre of attention, so it's up to you but he is happy with it, then I'd let him decide.

If you don't like the mother either, I suspect you should reconsider your future with this man. I doubt he will dump his family.

[Libitina]

You don't have a "SIL" problem, you have a DH problem. Unless he is willing to put a stop to her demands, nothing will change.

[Happy101]

Should I make it clear to him that the behaviour needs to change? I've discussed this with him before and he know's what she's like but he feels like he needs to protect her.

[YouTheCat]

Get rid of the man. Get rid of the problem.

Can you imagine having a life with him if this continues (and it will)? Can you imagine her petulant strops should you have kids together?

[Bluntness100]

But it doesn't need to change op. If he is happy he doesn't need to change a thing.

It's you that needs to make the change, either accept it or move on.

[Happy101]

OfficerVanHalen
Thanks for your insightful comments, but one year is quite a bit longer than 5 minutes if you actually understand the concept of time, which you obviously can't seem to grasp.

[Happy101]

I'm really happy in this relationship but I don't want to have to feel like my OH has his heart elsewhere in that he will put his sister before me. When we do spend time together its amazing, and he says he wants to be with me forever, but I feel like his sister is purposely trying to intervene as whenever he mentions he's going to spend time with me, she suddenly has an issue that he needs to attend to asap

[krustykittens]

Tbh, I think it sounds like an unhealthy dynamic and I would think very carefully about before getting to involved with this man. Is his sister always going to make the same kind of demands on his time when he lives with you, when you have kids? Is she always going to demand his disposable income is spent on her, even if you decide to take time off work to raise children and you have more outgoings and less money? If the dynamic isn't going to change, regardless of what he has got going on in his life, I wouldn't pursue a future with him. You will always be way down his list of priorities, if you are even on it.

[EnglandKeepMyBones]

Leave him. You have absolutely no right to swan in after a very short relationship (and a year IS a very short relationship) and start demanding that his family dynamics shift because you don't like them. You sound as spoilt and entitled as you're accusing her of being.

[krustykittens]

BTW, I have a cousin that sounds EXACTLY like you DP's sister. She has torpedoed every relationship she has ever had and still lives at home at the age of 49, single and bitter, with no idea why people get sick of her. Hell, she's had a fiance spell it out to her and she still won't wise up and change her ways. Really think hard about this OP!

[Allthebestnamesareused]

This will only ever get worse and not better!

[Bluetrews25]

And his DMum is just the same? They all walk on eggshells and try their best to keep them happy by running around after them and fulfilling their every need and giving them lavish gifts?
Have you read any of the narc-type MIL threads on here yet?
Seriously? Not only do you have a nightmare future MIL, but also a nightmare future SIL who will make demands on your OH for ever.
Have a good read on relationships board, then think hard, then consider running for the hills!