dd1 was taken to a cemetery by the school today, and saw a dead person

[Nightynight]

I probably wouldnt mind if it was one of my sons, but dd has recently been through a phase of being v scared of death/dead people. She was fairly upset.

why do the school think its ok to take the children out of the blue? I am pretty cross, but there is no point complaining, it is a bavarian school so the only answer they know is "we know best what is good for your child"

Nightynight, I think it's just so extraordinary, people think you are joking. But you are clearly not. I would be horrified. Can you complain to the school or would they think you were a strange uptight Brit (if indeed you are British)

hathor in germany there are 2 main religions, evangelical and catholic, so you basically choose one or the other for your children to study. Unless you are super courageous, in which case your children can study ethics.
In this town, quite a lot of people have crucifixes in their gardens fgs, but like most religious fanatics, their hearts are stoney.

Wouldn't be too bothered TBH IF I had warning and time to prepare the bioys- out of the blue is a no-no imo.

Yes you get the bodies on the Ganges (if you're lucky- some Orthodox Hindus (presumably Brahmins)won't put childrens bodies in the water, just by the waterside so I am informed) but you know if you're going to the River Ganges don't you? I mean, the kids don't come home and say ooh look what I did Mummy, I wrote a story and had a drink and popped over to Mother Ganges.

I don't think anyone is joking NN, all rather bemused. This would never happen in UK, we are virtually not allowed to see dead people.

Thanks for the explanation NN

ok puttign aside my scepticism for a moment I would suggest telling her the hand in glove theory of death so that she understands the body is not a person its a glove that is left behind whilst the spirit (the hand) continues on

So, have anyone else's children seen a body, and how did you counsel them? I haven't seen one in all my years - not even close relatives.

Ive already told her that a million times over the last few months, but see no signs that it is sinking in.

Normally I am of the non eyelid batting variety, it is just that dd has a particular phobia on this subject.

Must admit, the total arrogance of it gets my goat as well, the "we will take decisions because we know best" attitude about sensitive issues.
I dont know any of the other parents so cant ask them.

How old is she, NN?

have you tried to make it visual

ie
get a glove

wiggle your hand around and talk about the spirit .. how it is the bit inside you that IS you

put it in a glove and keep wiggling it and talk about how the glove is the body that everyone sees and when one dies (through old age, illness or accident) one leaves the body behind (gently slipping off glove and leaving it on the ground) and the spirit, the bit that is you continues one (wiggling and tickling her)

worth a shot?

she is 10

twiglett, I work full time, if I have time to put marigolds on, I do the washing up.

When i was 10 i was very much into ghost and horror stories so i can imagine seeing the real thing would terrify a child that age...

We are probably the first generation or so that DOESN'T get to see dead bodies in childhood, though.

Dh & I were talking about it last night because he'd witnessed a (covered) body being wheeled past him (& ds) whilst visiting FIL in hospital...he's 32 & had never been anywhere near a corpse before - I have, but only because my first dh died.

Not sure how I'd feel about the dc being exposed to an open coffin if I'd not known about it in advance. I can see why nn is upset about it!

dd has seen grandma pluck and gut a pheasant and explain it's insides.

She knows about death, I've told her it's natural, all part of life etc.

It amazes me that schools will teach about birth and sex but shy away from death - why?

Twiglett, your idea is great

mine are also familiar with dead pheasants.

Not all death is the same. A body that you dont know is scary in a different way from someone you know passing away peacefully.

I dont believe in the spirit.

True and I also think Twig's post is great!

Seriously great this time!

Nightynight mentioned that it's a bavarian school in her OP, with hindsight she must wish he'd said BAVARIAN or even just GERMAN but didn't any of the doubters pause to wonder what bavarian meant?

They certainly do things differently over there

Sorry your dd is upset, Nn - I hope she doesn't have nightmares and that she will sleep all night.