dd1 was taken to a cemetery by the school today, and saw a dead person

[Nightynight]

I probably wouldnt mind if it was one of my sons, but dd has recently been through a phase of being v scared of death/dead people. She was fairly upset.

why do the school think its ok to take the children out of the blue? I am pretty cross, but there is no point complaining, it is a bavarian school so the only answer they know is "we know best what is good for your child"

[meowmix]

actually you're giving me too much credit.

Until this thread I genuinely thought that we all did the laying in thing which was why I didn't get the OPs anger.

My family is a bit renowned for odd behaviour (as evidence i refer you to my earlier thread about crossing your fingers in presence of nuns so they can't read your minds). Still its nice to be obscure every so often.

[SSShakeTheChi]

I quite liked the way Meowmix put it actually but I was wondering what she meant exactly.

[Elasticwoman]

As Meowmix is rather obscurely pointing out, viewing a dead body is a cultural thing which is quite normal in some societies. However, in this case it does sound like a school trip cock-up that no one wants to take responsibility for.

Have you actually complained officially, NN?
In writing?

[meowmix]

every so often Mumsnet points out new abnormalities in my family's behaviour and definition of normal. Its very rewarding.

[tigermoth]

NN, It so insensitve of the school to have done this. IME if you see a dead person, that image is imprinted in your memory for a long time, perhaps forever. This may possibly be a good thing, it the person is much loved by you and looks at peace, but that's not the case here.

I feel so sorry for your poor dd having to carry that picture around in her head. No amount of marigold waving explanation is going to erase that picture from her memory, now.

If someone had started a thread saying a teacher had shown a class of 10 year olds some borderline pornographic pictures in the name of art education, I wonder how many people would have found that acceptable?

I know you say it's futile to talk to the school. Could you talk to the vicar instead? The church must have given permission for the school trip, but if you tell them how disturbed your dd was it might make the vicar think again about giving permission, or at least insist that children and their parents are told in advance.

I am sorry to hear you are having a tough time in Bavaria - didn't know you were out there and hope it's not for long.

[Marina]

Oh NN, I've just seen this thread. I am so sorry that on top of everything else you're dealing with at present you had this bizarre and badly-handled school trip to contend with too.
I so hope you are out of there before too much longer, truly XXX

[caterpiller]

I'm appalled. It's another issue which is not for schools to introduce to children. It's up to their their parents.

I would be straight in there to see the haed.

[fatbottomedgirl]

i am appalled that children should be taken to see a dead body without your consent, or that the school have not offered some proper explanation, to oyu or your child for the personal upset this has caused your child, and more than likely other peoples children.
i would also want to send a letter of complaint to the schooll authorities

[Nightynight]

3easterbunnies,
dont worry Im perfectly aware of these little differences between bayern and north germany ...it is only the fact that I know there is at least one bavarian mumsnetter that is holding me back from a full-on rant about bavaria and everything in it .
my own ancestors came from baden wurtemburg.

I checked with colleagues btw, and they agreed that gatecrashing a funeral was not a normal part of the curriculum here, and they found it fairly surprising too.

[Elasticwoman]

I'm not frightened of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.


Not my own. Woody Allen.

[stleger]

He was the 23 year old son of a friend, who had died in his sleep.

[PinkTulips]

that's young enough, most of the wakes i've been at the kids under 10 or so aren't encouraged to see the body really. that said it varies and i'm sure who the deceased is in relation to the child makes a differance

[stleger]

My dd2 was 7 when she saw her one and pnly corpse, in Ireland.

[PinkTulips]

even in crazy catholic ireland 6 year olds aren't encouraged to see the dead, they're normally kept out of the room with the deceased in it during a wake

[meowmix]

am I the only kid who had to do the sitting in the dark round grandad's open coffin thing all night in silence as mark of respect when 6 years old? please tell me this isn't a new and wondrous quirk of my mother's famous family insanity?

[admylin]

Nightynight, I've just read this and think it's very strange to go marching through a church and graveyard when a funeral is going on. I wouldn't be very happy if I was at a funeral and a bunch of school kids appeared.
Were they maybe doing the subject in class? I miss out on religion in school here because of the stupid times - I would have to sit and wait for 1 child while the other had religion and another day I would have to pick one up earlier so I had to put them in Ethics which is compulsary in our school anyway so no worries of gate crashing funerals although I could find out they'd been taken on a Greenpeace demo one day without asking me first!

[EHM]

sorry oops open coffin not coffee

[EHM]

not pleasant when I was a teenager my mums neighbours husband died. we where very friendly with them still are, well still friendly with her
We would also just open the front door & announce our arrival & she would do the same.
This day I needed my Mum & she was over at the neigbours. I walked in, in the living was an open coffee & the dead husband in it
My legs buckled & my mum said I went chalk white. still see it now in my head & shudder.

[3easterbunniesandnomore]

but why is death such a taboo? Iykwim...it's a shame really, if people would be more open about it and maybe as in the ole days were more "involved" in it...i.e. have those wakes, etc...maybe then it wouldn't be so frighteningg or unpleasant...not that death is somehting beautyful, but it can be a relief for the person that died, etc...

[jhyesmum]

I'm not frightened of it but it's the end of a life and i would rather not see it.

[3easterbunniesandnomore]

lol, I must admit, that Bavarians are of course very different to other germans (like us Northerners in niedersachsen), or so we would like to believe anyway IT's a similar situation to scottish, welsh, irish and english and those lil differences..not necessarily obvious to "foreigners" but to the nation/s themselfs very obvious!

[PinkTulips]

can testify to the utter nuttiness of bavarian education as i was in a school there for 2 years. to say things are done differantly is an understatment of epic proportions!

and it's very possible to see bodies in cemetaries there as many european cemetaries have a hall or chapal on the cemetary grounds where the coffin could have been on display with the lid off, depending on the families wishes.

[3easterbunniesandnomore]

Probably more to do with being A nURSE RATHER THEN BEING GERMAN, BUT i REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE ARE SO FRIGHTENED OF THE DEAD... ooops sorry capslock, wasn't shouting at anyone....!

[jhyesmum]

I must admit that I would be horified if my DS was shown a dead body. I haven't ever seen one and to be honest I don't really want to.