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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask that you stop spreading your illness if you have 'just a cold'

146 replies

user1496484020 · 01/07/2017 20:30

48 hours ago dp arrived home full of snots. Didn't know how he got it.
36 hours later, having taken cold prevention nasal spray, it has gone straight to my lungs. I've taken my seretide as usual and Ventolin about 15 times and I am still coughing.
I'm only 5 months out of ICU with pneumonia and multiple organ failure (lungs included). I have asthma.

AIBU in asking you to use a fucking tissue if you sneeze and to stay the fuck at home if you're snotting everywhere? I do not fancy another two weeks on a god damned ventilator.

OP posts:
SleepWhatSleep1 · 01/07/2017 21:19

Completely understandably and I would be too Flowers

pringlecat · 01/07/2017 21:20

In my line of work, it is not only possible to work from home but quite common to work from home. It irritates me that some people always go into the office when they could just as easily work from home if they're feeling a bit poorly, but not too poorly to work. You don't have to be seen at your desk to be doing your job!

Appreciate it's not the case for many other jobs and you have a choice of work or don't, but if they do have home working facilities, I agree people should keep their germs to themselves.

SleepWhatSleep1 · 01/07/2017 21:21

My Dh was seriously ill with sepsis last year after having the same cold we all had had - and there was me telling him to man up one minute, and calling an ambulance the next! Grin. We were both very twitchy when he got poorly for a few months, but you've got to keep on keeping on.

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 01/07/2017 21:22

Our head request that kids stay home with a cold - the last school my kids were at, we basically spent 1/2 the year with a cold. This year at the new school - none of us have had more than a minor sniffle.

It's fantastic.

Colds are generally minor, but it's no fun for everyone, and if people were sensible then transmission would be reduced.

I can see I'm in a minority thinking that here.

Peachesandcream15 · 01/07/2017 21:23

Yanbu. For me, it's not even the point about staying home, just some basic hygiene from some people wouldn't go amiss. In my office, I sit right near the toilet. I can hear when people run the tap and when they don't, let's just put it that way. It's disgusting. So many people lack basic hygiene manners, it's no wonder germs spread so much. Not get me started on public transport.

ladystarkers · 01/07/2017 21:25

Sorry for what you havebern through. But people cant stay at home for a cold.

SleepWhatSleep1 · 01/07/2017 21:27

Spaghetti - that's pretty impressive of your head! In my last permanent position the deputy told me to come in anyway when I had a sickness bug. The arse Hmm
But they were very short staffed of actual teachers in my department that term

Ollycat · 01/07/2017 21:30

You have my sympathy but tbh your dh gave you the cold - have you suggested to him he stays away?

sexcauldron · 01/07/2017 21:30

Ironic really that you make this request of people but if your DP took your advice he'd be at home with you instead of out infecting other folk Grin

BrokenBattleDroid · 01/07/2017 21:32

ICU is a frightening place OP, it's completely understandable to lash out a bit when feeling frightened. Plus it's so tough when something everyday for other people can threaten your life.

The trouble is that a cold really is every day, and the world would grind to a halt if every sniffle made people stay at home (just think, it would have to include hospital staff too so who would look after those ICU patients?!).

Can you make an appointment with the Asthma nurse? Maybe Seretide isn't the best preventor for you? In the mean time keep an eye on your peak flow and have a low threshold for going to A&E/walk-in for a nebuliser. In fact, if you'd had 15 puffs of Ventolin and it hasn't helped it might be time to seek some help now. Really hope you feel better soon Flowers .

MaisyPops · 01/07/2017 21:33

SpaghettiAndMeatballs
I'll stay off work if I get a nasty cold because I have underlying health background. School are great about it.

But this week I've had blocked sinuses and a runny nose, not a chance is it worth being off.

It's common sense really. If you've got a nasty head cold, Chesty productive cough and feel quite unwell then probably a day or 2 rest is best.
But a bit of a cough and a runny nose isn't really worth being off. My hayfever is worse than that and I can't call in sick because there's pollen in the air.

sallysparrow157 · 01/07/2017 21:35

Completely understandable that you're stressed, angry and scared - Needing ICU is pretty awful, not being able to breathe is pretty awful, needing to be ventilated because you can't breathe is downright terrifying.

You can't avoid all viruses I'm afraid, that's life and as everyone else has said, if we all stayed at home with a slight cold, workplaces would fall apart! What you can do to protect yourself is to ensure you have a damn good asthma management plan - are you on steroids yet? Will your gp prescribe you rescue steroids to take when you're getting a cold/wheezy? Have you got a spacer? A plan of how many puffs of ventolin to take when you're sick and when you need to go to hospital for nebulisers/to check your oxygen levels? Having a plan like this may help with your completely understandable anxiety about getting really sick again x

Fitzsimmons · 01/07/2017 21:36

YANBU for feeling angry and afraid OP. I'm sorry you have had such a terrible time.

However, (and I think deep down you know this but are lashing out because of your fears) you cannot expect everyone with sniffles to stay at home. Modern life would cease to function. As PP have pointed out, many would be fired for calling in sick with a cold. Furthermore, with most viruses there is usually a period of time before symptoms start when you are infectious.

Taylor22 · 01/07/2017 21:39

I'm really sorry you dealt a shot hand in the health department. It must be a struggle.

However I will have to continue to work and send my kids to school and the childminder if they have a cold.
I won't get paid and then we struggle.
The amount of colds they bring home is ridiculous I'd never make it to work.

wtffgs · 01/07/2017 21:40

I'm very sorry you've been so ill.

I took 3 completely genuine sickness absences last year and was threatened with "sickness management". They were short absences and I returned to work before I was fully well each time.

The system here sucks. It has a negative effect on all of us. Do you think ill people wouldn't really rather be under the duvet with a couple of paracetamol?

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 01/07/2017 21:42

I know it's frowned upon on MN but I did stay off work when I had a cold a couple of weeks ago. I could hardly talk and my nose wouldn't stop running so I wouldn't have been very productive! When I went back I was actually asked if I should be there. I know not everyone has an employer as understanding as this though.

I hope you're ok OP.

PossumInAPearTree · 01/07/2017 21:42

I work for the nhs. Our ward wouldnt function if people were off sick every time they had a cold.

TipTopTipTopClop · 01/07/2017 21:45

I think you know you're being unreasonable.

You do understand that you can't know that you picked this up from your husband, right?

Hope you feel better soon.

Gwenhwyfar · 01/07/2017 21:46

"It irritates me that some people always go into the office when they could just as easily work from home if they're feeling a bit poorly, but not too poorly to work."

In most cases, if you're well enough to work, you're well enough to go into the office. If I work from home, my employer won't pay for my computer, heating, etc. I'm either too ill or I'll be at the office.

Gwenhwyfar · 01/07/2017 21:48

"I know it's frowned upon on MN but I did stay off work when I had a cold a couple of weeks ago. "

There are different types of colds though. If I have muscle pain or a very bad sore throat or something I might stay home, but if it's just a bit of sniffles I'll go in.

AndTakeYourHorseWithYou · 01/07/2017 21:54

It's not frowned upon at all, its just that few of us have that luxury.

StillSmallVoice · 01/07/2017 21:58

I get where you are coming from. It is difficult. I take medication which compromises my immune system. There are many, many people like me. It means that if I get a cold I feel really, really ill and it takes me about six weeks to get over it. I understand that you still have to go to work if you have a cold, (I do too) but there are some things you can do to help. If you cough, please cough into your elbow, not the hand you stick your virus loaded hand on when you open a door. There is a lot we can all do to help limit the spread of our germs.

MaisyPops · 01/07/2017 22:01

I've been off for a bad cold. I was very unwell and whilst off resting ended up with a nasty infection.

But I wouldn't take time off for a cough and the sniffles.

Common sense should prevail. Sadly, there are martyrs at one end and wimps at the other end. Most of are in the middle just trying to keep well and do what's right for our situation.

Whosthemummynow · 01/07/2017 22:03

I'm off work atm with bronchitis, but my kids still need to go school! We can't just quarantine ourselves for the sniffles

MusicForTheJiltedGeneration · 01/07/2017 22:06

During hayfever season it can often be difficult to know the symptoms are actually the start of a cold.

Sadly, while I appreciate what you're saying, if people took time off work every time they had a sniffle they'd end up unemployed.