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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask that you stop spreading your illness if you have 'just a cold'

146 replies

user1496484020 · 01/07/2017 20:30

48 hours ago dp arrived home full of snots. Didn't know how he got it.
36 hours later, having taken cold prevention nasal spray, it has gone straight to my lungs. I've taken my seretide as usual and Ventolin about 15 times and I am still coughing.
I'm only 5 months out of ICU with pneumonia and multiple organ failure (lungs included). I have asthma.

AIBU in asking you to use a fucking tissue if you sneeze and to stay the fuck at home if you're snotting everywhere? I do not fancy another two weeks on a god damned ventilator.

OP posts:
CheapAndCheerful100 · 01/07/2017 20:50

I fully understand where you're coming from OP. My son had pneumonia and sepsis before Xmas. He was on his death bed. He is lucky to be alive. I'm asthmatic and struggle especially in the winter colds and flu season. Grandparents used to be the worst at passing their germs on in my house. Even if they are ill they have insisted on coming to our home to see their grandkids looking at you mostly MIL in the past. The consultant in charge of my son's care made it clear things had gotten serious due to my DS constantly picking up infection after infection!
I'm a lot harsher now. If you are unwell you don't get into my home unless you live here full time and the kids are kept well clear of adults who are "stuffy"

VladmirsPoutine · 01/07/2017 20:51

Yabu. As everyone else has pointed out; we can't stay home at the slightest sign of a cold.

To put it as emphatically as you have: we'd be fucked.

Imstickingwiththisone · 01/07/2017 20:53

Sorry OP i hope you get over this without any major setbacks to your recovery.

But if you are complaining that everyone should put themselves in quarantine when they have a cold then why did your OH come home to you when he knows how ill it could make you? Direct your anger at him if you must

apostropheuse · 01/07/2017 20:53

YABU. People have to live their lives. It's not possible to put everything on hold for a simple cold.

I do know how hard it can be, as I have chronic lung problem - pulmonary oedema and a bit of asthma, as well as a heart issue. I've been hospitalised a few times and I take daily medication to keep it under control and I get an annual flu jab. I'm single so I simply have to work full-time to enable me to pay the mortgage and other bills. I only stay off work if a doctor or paramedic tells me to.

It's just part of living.

Imabadmummy · 01/07/2017 20:54

I totally get where your coming from OP, I had a relative with CF and we had to be so careful if anyone had any colds etc.

Unfortunately, as much as I would love to stay home every time I had a cold, it would mean I couldn't work.

I have litreally been ill every month for the last 9 months with various colds/sickness bugs and flu and all Dr could say is "you have 2 young school age children, there's many bugs you haven't come in contact with yet".

If I was off sick everytime I had been ill I think I would have had more sick time than I worked....I'm only on 25 hours a week as it is.

I never got sick before having kids. Really, my sickness record was like 3 days in 12 years at one job - and that included 2 pregnancies (left just after 2nd).

Unfortunately sometimes I just have to battle through it and go in.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 01/07/2017 20:54

36 hours later, having taken cold prevention nasal spray, it has gone straight to my lungs. I've taken my seretide as usual and Ventolin about 15 times and I am still coughing.

Sympathies. I'm the same with asthma. It sucks. Flowers

48 hours ago dp arrived home full of snots. Didn't know how he got it.

However, your husband has given you the cold.

Presumably he knows you are immuno-suppressed? Was there not somewhere else he could/should have gone rather than bring the cold him to you?

Original poster
user1496484020 · 01/07/2017 20:54

I'm afraid of ending up in a coma again from 'just a cold'.

OP posts:
CheapAndCheerful100 · 01/07/2017 20:56

Any chance of your DH staying in another room while he recovers?

JaneEyre70 · 01/07/2017 20:57

I don't disagree OP. I've got diabetes and after having whooping cough as a child, I'm very prone to chest infections. Last winter I ended up on antibiotics, steroids and inhalers for nearly a month due to a nasty virus. I'm so paranoid about getting colds that I am a bit of a recluse in the winter as it is. My DH has a policy of paying his staff to stay at home for 48 hours if they have a cold/sickness bug as it's far more cost effective than them coming into work and spreading it.

LilQueenie · 01/07/2017 20:59

then share your fear with your dp who passed it onto you!

BuzzKillington · 01/07/2017 20:59

There is no way I would stay at home for a cold, sorry.

I do however, go to the loo at work to blow my nose and thoroughly wash my hands every time.

ethelfleda · 01/07/2017 21:00

I'm with others on this but you do have my sympathy also. I'm sorry you've been so unwell Flowers
It has however always pissed me right off when people have come in to the office with sickness bugs. There is no need for that at all!

AndTakeYourHorseWithYou · 01/07/2017 21:01

I'm afraid of ending up in a coma again from 'just a cold'

Then why did your DH bring one home to you, and why are you mad at everyone else?
I'm very sorry if me passing on a cold to you makes you ill, truly. But the chances of that happening are very low, whereas if i refuse to go to work for a week while I have a cold the chances of me losing my job are very high. And then the chances of me losing my home are rather high too.
Which do you think I should prioritise?

Original poster
user1496484020 · 01/07/2017 21:03

JaneEyre, thank you for getting me. It's utterly crap and your husband is actually making a sound investment. Better to have one off for 2 days than five for a week each.

OP posts:
SickRose · 01/07/2017 21:03

Aren't you contagious for a couple of days before cold symptoms start?

HappyAxolotl · 01/07/2017 21:03

I wish it were an option. I have a knackered immune system and a cold doing the rounds that makes everyone else feel yucky for a few days has me in such a state I often need a couple of days off.

However, it just isn't possible. So it's up to me to use hand washing and sanitiser, not touch my face, put a scarf around my nose & mouth in winter on public transport etc.

MaisyPops · 01/07/2017 21:04

I'm afraid of ending up in a coma again from 'just a cold'.
And yet you were happy to have your DH at home when you knew he had a cold.

Nobody is saying they don't feel for you being unwell OP. But you seem fairly intent on dictating how the world copes with the sniffles whilst accepting DH spending them around you when you are this unwell.

Instead of being all 'the world infected my DH and he doesn't know how he got it', maybe he should have stayed at a friends house or a cheap B&B for a couple of days if him having a cold is enough to put you in a coma.

If somebody I knew was risking comas and their life was in danger, I'd not be going near them.wjth a cold.
Equally, if my life was in danger and I was facing intensive care, I'd not have someone with a cold around me.

Stop blaming the world.

alltouchedout · 01/07/2017 21:05

I'd be sacked if I took time off for a cold. I am careful about sneezing and coughing, I use the antibacterial hand gel and so on, but I cannot just stay home. I can't say to the dc's schools "sorry, can't bring them today, have to stay inside with my cold", I can't excuse myself from work with a cold. I am genuinely sorry for what you're dealing with but like most people, I can't afford to isolate myself for a cold.

abbsisspartacus · 01/07/2017 21:07

A cold at this time of year? Sure it's not hayfever

SleepWhatSleep1 · 01/07/2017 21:10

Inmy first year of teaching I got every cold going, two stomach bugs, and 5 migraines (stress and lack of time to eat/drink/wee). Having had a formal warning after the first 2 sick episodes I damned right struggled in to spread it around!
Sorry OP, I really feel for you, but it's not reason able to expect most people to isolate themselves for a cold.
Also, if I stayed home every time one of my 3 children had a cold we would never bloody leave the house!

SleepWhatSleep1 · 01/07/2017 21:12

Abbsisspartacus - my 10 month old is currently suffering from his worst cold to date, poor lamb. Definitely a cold. :(

notanurse2017 · 01/07/2017 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kaytee87 · 01/07/2017 21:16

Why did your husband come home with a cold knowing it could make you so ill? You need to look closer to home here.

BewareOfDragons · 01/07/2017 21:16

Very sorry, OP, but your request just isn't reasonable.

Most head teachers would be all over parents who were keeping their children home because they had colds, which many have off and on throughout the winter months. And don't even get me started on how much pressure teachers, teaching assistants, school staff are under to come in even if they are feeling crap.

The world we live in doesn't allow most people to stay home for a cold because it is 'just a cold' for most people. I'm afraid the onus is on you to stay in if you're feeling vulnerable.

Original poster
user1496484020 · 01/07/2017 21:17

It's my first sickness since ICU and I think I'm just afraid.

OP posts: