To wonder why no one is allowed say a word to anyone else's kids anymore

[user1498921160]

In the last week:

My sister has come home from a holiday fuming because the hotel staff told off her 2 kids for tearing around the corridor and making too much noise

Two neighbours have got into a spat because one told off the other's child for throwing stones at a cat - apparently she should have come and spoken to her and not directly to the child

I heard of a shop assistant who has received a verbal warning for telling off a child who was taking the various bread rolls out of their baskets and putting them back in other baskets (bread rolls were different prices, as displayed on the baskets). The mother complained to the manager and threatened not to shop there again.

When did this preciousness about anyone telling off your child, no matter what they're doing, start? When I was a child you'd have got another telling off from your mother for annoying a neighbour/shop assistant. Now you get defended to the hilt.

People have fewer children now and are more defensive about them I think!

I agree that it's ridiculous.

I wouldn't hesitate to mention to children that they need to stop what they are doing in the examples you have given. Could be the teacher in me though. Also, I'd be happy for my children to be told in the same circumstances.
Are parents more precious these days?

When did this preciousness about anyone telling off your child, no matter what they're doing, start?

When parents started to tell people they had no damn right to.

Adults having Carte Blanche over children is draconian.

Tell me about it! As a teacher I am complained about a lot because I 'dare' to tell children off and take their phones from them! Imagine!?

Migraleve so in a circumstance where your child is causing hassle or disturbance, the person affected has no right to say anything?

It strikes me that some kids and their parents now seem to think they have 'carte blanche'.

Because some people think the sun shines out their children, think loud and disruptive behaviour is 'just playing', anyone who thinks that conduct varies by context is mean and think it's awful and draconian to expect their children to learn to self regulate in age appropriate ways.

In fact, any mention of discipline is awful because 'kids will be kids'. Little do they know the stuff they think is adorable and boisterous will be hell on earth by 14, but by then they'll be negotiating with teenagers, undermining school staff and by GCSE they'll be the ones blaming the teacher if their precious little ray of sunshine doesn't get the grades they want.
Sadly, these people can't see that 16 years of poor attitude, limited boundaries, low effort/selective effort at school has an effect on life chances so y11 parents evening is a big shock to them.

Thankfully, most people aren't like this.

*When parents started to tell people they had no damn right to.

Adults having Carte Blanche over children is draconian.*

Because of people like this ^^

Use your common sense. No one suggests adults should dominate kids, just tell them not to do something if it's dangerous/ unkind/ nasty if their parents aren't about to do it. I have no problem with an adult telling DC to behave. As a result, they do as they know they have to behave even if I'm not there/watching.

If someone was harming my cat dam right id tell them off

If my kids are hurting anyone/anything or damaging property or causing disturbance and I don't notice or don't get there to intervene I'd be grateful if someone else had a word. I'll do the same to other kids and I'm not too bothered what their parents think. If you dont want anyone else to interact with your children you need to be right there with them every single second. Simple.

in a circumstance where your child is causing hassle or disturbance, the person affected has no right to say anything?

No not at all. I don't think that adults should automatically have a right over children. That's all.

There are three children who come and stay with their dad a few doors down for four days a week, he lives with his gf and she also has two kids and they are all within a 3 year span so five kids of roughly the same age.

And they just run riot in the street - they think nothing of riding their bikes over everyone's gardens and I've told them repeatedly not to do it. I am now at the point of actually giving them a telling off because I don't want them in our garden nor do our elderly neighbours want them rampaging across the front lawn.

The mum in question just lets them out the door and doesn't supervise and the dad just bellows at them from the doorway. He frequently swears at them and once called one of them a 'fucking spaz'. Cringe.

I suspect at some point there will be a clash amongst the adults, at the moment everyone else is gritting their teeth and just tolerating things.

I'm with you op. I had a mum deny her son and friends were kicking a ball at my car 'because they said they didn't do it'. I bloody watched them, and after a couple of goes asked them nicely to please mind the cars and not lean on them either.

I messaged her to let her know what had happened, as they all lived elsewhere to our street, and got a roasting back. How I should always speak to her first and never to tell her kids off, how dare I speak to them, they told her what really happened, that I'd scared them! Felt like asking her to ensure they were chaperoned by a responsible adult whilst playing if she feared for their safety that much.

I ended up leaving it as we'd have to agree to disagree. She's not spoken to me since, neither has another parent who wanted to know if I was sure it was her pfb (11yo) as the kids had told her they were doing to play elsewhere. Umm, no, I've decided to let you know purely as an exercise in mischief and hijinks

I don't know but it always baffles me why there are parents who march into school wanting to know why a teacher has told their child off? When i was at school I darent go home and tell my parents I'd been told off at school because I'd likely have gotten another telling off! Now little jimmy comes out saying miss told him off and the parents are enraged and in having a go at the teacher!

Another example is not dealing with things like civilised humans, I live in a cul de sac and there are kids who are really nasty going around kicking, hitting, punching and swearing but Dare to bring it up with the parents and they are at the door effing and blinding not believing their precious kids are like that

None of the op's examples are adults 'being draconian' over children surely.

*in a circumstance where your child is causing hassle or disturbance, the person affected has no right to say anything?

No not at all. I don't think that adults should automatically have a right over children. That's all.*

It's not a case of adults having a right over children. It's basic common sense.

If the adults aren't in charge, who the hell is??? A 5 year old? 7 year old? 13 year old? Very frightening for children when they have no guidance or secure boundaries.

YANBU. Parents can be too protective of their snowflakes they inflict on the public.

Good luck in the real world to the "child" who has never been told off (by another person) when they go to work in the big wide world. The child will have NO skills whatsoever to cope. What will the parents do then??? Genuinely baffled at the lack of common sense.

All of your examples describe bad parents rather than any general trend. I don't think any sane parent would expect their kid not to get a telling off if they were doing something terrible.

YANBU. It's ridiculous.

Migraleve it's not about some 'draconian right over children' it's about everyone contributing to whatever 'community' you are in (the street, the holiday/hotel/ the shop / the school) to make sure that everyone is safe, happy and healthy. If a child hasn't learned consideration for other people, then everyone has the right to let them know the rules of society. If they are not old enough to be reminded of manner / safety / politeness / consideration by other adults, then they shouldn't be out of the parents' sight and hearing.

if the adults aren't in charge, who the hell is

Well it should be the parents. I realise I read this wrong. Obviously.

I don't know but it always baffles me why there are parents who march into school wanting to know why a teacher has told their child off? When i was at school I darent go home and tell my parents I'd been told off at school because I'd likely have gotten another telling off! Now little jimmy comes out saying miss told him off and the parents are enraged and in having a go at the teacher!

One of the (many) reasons I quit teaching was because I was made to apologise to a year 10 girl in front of her mother by the head teacher because I'd had the temerity to tell her off for being late. The girl had then kicked off and not only verbally abused me in front of her classmates, but had also spat at me and attempted to hit me.

After I had disciplined her, she had gone to the head, who because he attempted to "be down wiv da kids" had completely undermined me and backed up the year 10 girl with her behaviour. Apparently she had performed like that because "she felt I didn't like her". Damn right I didn't after that behaviour!

Now I appreciate that was a particularly bad incident in a particularly rough school where this behaviour was common, but I lost count of the number of children who used to scream/shout at me that "I couldn't tell them what to do"...

I can't argue that's the behaviour of all children, because the majority of children I have met and taught have been lovely, but the behaviour of the minority tarnish the majority, and the majority will play up if they see the minority get away with it.

YANBU Children need to be taught acceptable standards of behaviour. If the parents won't do it, the rest of society has a responsibility to do so. It is completely appropriate for an adult to step in in each case you have described. I don't hesitate in telling people (& that includes adults sometimes) that they are not behaving appropriately & I don't care if they disagree with me either.

If anyone has to tell my daughter off in the future (she's under 1) then I will be mortified and will tell her off again! If she behaves badly enough that strangers need to say something, then that behaviour needs addressing. It's how I was brought up.

I also think nothing of telling off children if they misbehave. I also tell off adults. I can't really help it.