To wonder why no one is allowed say a word to anyone else's kids anymore

[user1498921160]

In the last week:

My sister has come home from a holiday fuming because the hotel staff told off her 2 kids for tearing around the corridor and making too much noise

Two neighbours have got into a spat because one told off the other's child for throwing stones at a cat - apparently she should have come and spoken to her and not directly to the child

I heard of a shop assistant who has received a verbal warning for telling off a child who was taking the various bread rolls out of their baskets and putting them back in other baskets (bread rolls were different prices, as displayed on the baskets). The mother complained to the manager and threatened not to shop there again.

When did this preciousness about anyone telling off your child, no matter what they're doing, start? When I was a child you'd have got another telling off from your mother for annoying a neighbour/shop assistant. Now you get defended to the hilt.

Many years ago I get an earful from a mum whose son had just deliberately broken the glass in my front door. The trouble with that attitude is who, in later years, would have the nerve to tell such a person that they saw her son taking drugs.

I always believed in telling my dd off when necessary so that she wouldn't have to be told off by other people. And if I didn't trust the judgment of any adult in charge of her, such as a baby-sitter or a teacher, I wouldn't leave them in charge of her, point blank.

Just to clarify, my second example, I hand no problem with what that parent did, as I did not see what had occurred and she spoke to me about it immediately and was perfectly polite and calm.

I'm shouted at a boy in the supermarket last week because he had a thin polythene bag (the sort you get for loose fruit and veg) over his head and was playing at breathing it in and out. His mother gave me a dirty look, told me he was fine and led her son off by the arm still with the bag over his head. I wasn't shouting in a cross way, just an alarmed "quick, stop that" way, like when a child is about to run into the road in front of a car.

LET THEM BE CHILDREN!
I've heard that one a few times and I'm always baffled by what it is supposed to mean? That children should be left to misbehave because kids are entitled to do so without being told that it is not acceptable?

Stuntcamel

Spikey,there's the problem in a nutshell no one can tell your child off, but you can tell off other people's children

That's exactly what it is @stuntcamel

i despair i see so much of this out and about but u cant say anything for fear of warnings being reported

im not saying go round telling all of them off but u shold be able to when its dangerous or vandalism

Northernparent68 my child has v severe learning difficulties. It would pointless someone who doesn't know him, telling him off. He wouldn't understand them and may react badly to a stranger by hurting himself or them. He also doesn't need it because he always even though he is 11, has someone with him. Unlike the children I've told to stop trashing the playground.

YANBU

I have two and yesterday visited a place that had small ride on toys on a ramp (aimed at toddler/very young children) and two little boys probably aged around 5, thought it was highly amusing to keep going to the top of the ramp, so they gathered a little bit of speed, before ramming my little girl (she's 2) and another little girl to the point it was becoming quite dangerous, this happened several times before I eventually told the boys to stop it, it wasn't funny and the little girls are only small they could hurt them.......suddenly their mother appears so she was obviously close enough to hear me so was close enough to ask them to stop doing it! With that dirty looks and she said something to they boys in another language which I couldn't understand, they stayed but we left.

I have told off other people's DC. Only twice have the parents complained. On those occasions, I told off the parents as well. I have no doubt other adults have told off DS.

It isn't a new thing, I remember parents in the 70s getting arsey about other adults telling off their kids and I remember the difficulties they had when their DCs became teenagers. Some still have problems now.

In my experience these types of parents get arsey when you tell their kids off because they know full well that their kids are misbehaving/they're not supervising them properly.

Just the other day I had a small child using my wheelchair as a climbing frame. I looked to the parent to get them to stop it but they were smiling indulgently at their special little snowflake, fully aware of what they were doing. I confess that annoyed me more than the actual climbing, so I snapped at the child to get off. Cue angry parent tirade.

I agree that it has become so difficult that people feel they are unable to see say anything when a child or children are causing an issue. The possible aggression and fallout deter most from intervening. Regarding children with additional needs , where a child clearly has additional needs and the parent is at very closely supervising is very different from a situation where an incident happens and the parent is not on hand. As a stranger to the children concerned you can only react to what you see and therefore you need to make the assumption that the children concerned are knowingly misbehaving, treating all children the same.

Yes jumping i think the issue is it's an implied criticism of their parenting. I don't make a habit of correcting other people's kids but i will if they are hurting/upsetting mine, their parents can piss off if they don't like it, they should supervise their behaviour better.
When my nephew was in his teens he was tearing around a car park with a trolley. Someone must have called the police because a cop arrived and told him off. Nephew told him only his mother could tell him what to do. Policeman brought him to his home and his mother confirmed that her son was right, it was her place to correct him or tell him how to behave.. He was expelled from school not long after and commenced his career in petty crime.

Sometimes I give general reminders towards unsupervised children at soft play or bouncy castles. I don't know why, but it always seems to be me watching the kids, whilst the other parents are sipping drinks, chatting and scrolling their phones. Their dc are coming up to me asking for help opening things, or permission to eat something. I have to direct them to go and ask mummy or daddy. They wander off, and end up coming back to me and asking again. But I just tend to call out general reminders like "Mind the little ones!" "Steady on!" and "Be careful!". I'm not directing it at any one in particular, and occasionally it gets the parents to look up for a second.

My ds has sn, and he was having a meltdown in an ice cream shop abroad on holiday. The owner said something to him in Italian (I think. We weren't in Italy), and gestured to him to sshhhh. My ds got upset and ran to me crying. I gave him a hug, but tbh, I didn't think that it was a bad thing for him to know that not everyone wants to hear his noise. I was a bit more offended when the owner thought that we were American, because our kid was "so out of control". I won't go back to that shop, but sometimes it's ok for kids to realise that not everyone wants to put up with their bullshit in general.

So going back to my example of living in the cul de sac with parents who won't accept what their children are doing, how do you deal with the parents who clearly open the door in mornings boot the children out for hours on end with no idea what they are doing? On that occasion their behaviour was intervened with and they went back and told their parents which is when the tirade of abuse came because they believed their precious kids! Needless to say they have been here over a year and nothing has changed! I dread the holidays

i point out the bleedin obvious to other peoples kids.
live on a housing estate with masses of green space for kids to play on. masses.
one small bit has play equipment for under 10s. tweenage boys "playing" lobbing a football into the play area.
i politely asked them to stop whilst there are people in there, after a ball went past my ear.
got a mouthful of abuse but they did stop
sadly for them one of them is my neighbours grandson.
i got an apology from him

I like people to tell dd off why she's acting up because it re In forces what I'm saying and it's not just 'shouty mum always telling me off'.

I think bad parents resent the implied criticism when someone else has to tell their kids off. They know they should have done it themselves.

From the examples on this thread, only crap parents get cross. If the op s sister had stopped her kids behaving like brats, the hotel would not have needed to do anything.

She needs to check her mirror. Kids always given their own way grow up into horrible people that no one likes.

Quiettiger if a ten year old spat at me I would smack her across the face, what a little shit.

quiettiger How much control did the girl have for getting herself to school on time though? I think you should know the reason for her being late before telling her off. If she walked from round dthe corner fair enough. If she is reliant on her parent giving her a lift , not so.much

Still no need to spit that's fucking vile my 4 yo knows not to spit!

BoomBoom I am with you.
It's fine to tell my DS that he's doing something dangerous/likely to hurt someone and to stop it.
I'm happy to tell someone else's child that.
It's not OK to tell a three year old who replies "No!" to everything (but then does it anyway, he was a very daft three year old) that he's a "naughty boy who will get a smack" as an older patient did at the GP. And I've had similar "helpful" comments.
I'm just glad that at that age he didn't know what the word meant.

I think it's embarrassment too that causes parents to get arsey if someone else tells off their child.
They know that they should have been supervising themselves but they're either too busy gawping at their phones or frankly just too lazy to instil any discipline.

But it isn't a new thing - there have always been lazy parents who can't be bothered with whole process of teaching right from wrong.