To wonder why no one is allowed say a word to anyone else's kids anymore

[user1498921160]

In the last week:

My sister has come home from a holiday fuming because the hotel staff told off her 2 kids for tearing around the corridor and making too much noise

Two neighbours have got into a spat because one told off the other's child for throwing stones at a cat - apparently she should have come and spoken to her and not directly to the child

I heard of a shop assistant who has received a verbal warning for telling off a child who was taking the various bread rolls out of their baskets and putting them back in other baskets (bread rolls were different prices, as displayed on the baskets). The mother complained to the manager and threatened not to shop there again.

When did this preciousness about anyone telling off your child, no matter what they're doing, start? When I was a child you'd have got another telling off from your mother for annoying a neighbour/shop assistant. Now you get defended to the hilt.

My neighbours kids shout, swear and bully my DC. They are also cheeky and rude to me but no I'm not allowed to tell them off.... I'm quite happy for adults to tell my DC off if they've done something wrong.

""When parents started to tell people they had no damn right to.
Adults having Carte Blanche over children is draconian.""

It isn't about having Carte Blanche over a child.

A group of 8ish year olds were messing about and it escalated to stones being thrown at my window. If it had been an Adult it would have counted as an illegal act. I went out and told them off. The Mother said (when I told her) that I should have gone to her. What just walk past the kids whilst my window was getting pelted? Er, I don't think so.

If something impacts on me or my environment, then I tell other people's children off. I'd have something to say if an Adult was doing something anti-Social.

I don't think there is anything wrong with an adult speaking directly yo a child about bad behaviour. But I think part of the reason a lot of parents have become defensive about it is because gas well as the reasonable cases, there are a lot of adults who tell children off for things where the child isn't in the wrong. Or who expect children to behave in a particular way that is not the way the parent thinks is reasonable at all. Or who assume an adult is in the right no matter what. And there is far less tolerance for that sort of unfairness by parents nowadays. So some parents (I'm not one of them) feel the only way they can ensure their children are treated fairly is if they mediate all such interactions.

It's the "ur bubs, ur rulz, hun" mentality, isn't it

Even when you see complete idiocy on threads here, someone will leap in and defend it because a certain demographic seems to believe your brain downloads the user manual to your child as you give birth and therefore no one on earth knows more or better than the parents, even when they are defying common sense, medical opinion or just decent manners

Two kids (about 8) hit my 3 year old ds with sticks the other day and I gave them a bollocking then went and told their parents (who were sat way out of sight) what they'd done and that I gave them a telling off. They were furious with them too, not everyone is precious luckily.

Dh was horrified at me.

How do kids learn that there are acceptable and unacceptable behaviours if the adults around them don't tell them?

boom you put into words what I couldn't.

I don't think that adults should automatically have a right over children

I don't think that telling a child to not go around mucking up stuff in shops or throwing stones at a cat is thinking that you have 'rights' over children.

sparechange has it bang on (spat out my coffee at 'your bubz, your rulz, hun' )

Some people don't see themselves as part of a community, they live life in a sort of constant combative state. They see their children as an extension of themselves and therefore view any rebuke of their child -even where totally appropriate - as personal aggression that MUST be countered.

It's

I agree that a lot of people seem to be either stupidly defensive of their kids shit behavior or terrified of stepping in when a child is behaving badly.
A couple of years ago we were at an event with a free bouncy castle (unsupervised but watched by parents). Obviously it was fairly chaotic, but most parents and children were being sensible and stopping anything too wild or dangerous. A group then arrived with some children and sat down with some wine at a bench table close to the bouncy castle. One boy raced over and immediately caused tears by being, frankly, an utter shit. Punching, pulling, smacking, kicking out, pushing other children off, jumping into people, screaming. A few people told him to stop which he ignored, mum was oblivious as she sat and laughed with her group. This went on for a good ten minutes with everyone scowling and being very British and mumbling under their breath but not really doing anything (me included ). One mum obviously had just about reached her limit and flung off her shoes, marched onto the castle, grabbed the boy by the arm and hauled him off shouting that she wasn't putting up with it anymore and to go and tell his mum what he had done. Boy was shocked and ran to his mum who immediately got all defensive and "boys will be boys" and "come on sweetheart, these mummies don't like FUN boys like you do they?". Mum at her limit got a round of applause. I will add the boy wasn't hurt and it wasn't aggressive dragging (more hand under the elbow) and the boy didn't cry (did look bloody smug though!).

a childs needs to know right from wrong at the time if any kid was throwing stones at my animal i would do it there and then.
i told several schoolkids off for jumping onto my neighbours hedge twice in one week with a warning they did it again it would be the headteacher at their school. first year this has happend in over 20yrs
some kids dont have the same respect for others these days

YANBU. Always wonder why some people become parents if they clearly don't bother to teach and parent their children.

Last week was doing weekly shopping when I saw a 6 year old kick the lady helping at the self checkout. She'd only asked him if he'd been to the beach this afternoon. He came to her and gave her a nasty kick in the leg. The mum was scanning her food and saw nothing. The checkout lady didn't say a word, so I told the kid that this action was uncalled for and not nice. He looked at me with a nasty look on his face. His mum turned to me and asked me with that same look what my problem was. Still the check out person said nothing.

When they left and I asked her how she was, she murmured they she couldn't believe that he kicked her but that she couldn't say anything as if the mother had complained, she would have got a warning.

I sometimes really despair with the society with live in.

I tell other peoples children off when they're doing something wrong. That might be the beaver leader in me though!

Because kids these days are allowed to do whatever they damn well please, and they couldn't care less whether they are being a bloody nuisance to other people.

People can't be bothered to teach their children politeness, good manners and consideration for others (or respect for their elders and betters) any more. The trouble started when the current generation of parents were children themselves.

DH got a proper telling off at the last kids party he took dd to for telling off someone else's son. The little boy (age 4) was pushing the 2 year olds over on the bouncy castle. DH didn't say a word, he just gave him a look. The look was enough to stop him so he a nice enough child, but his mum was really angry.

I think part of the problem is that some parents invest so much in their children. The net result is that, vicariously, a criticism or a telling-off of their children is an attack on the parent themselves. It has a lot to do with ego, and self-esteem.

Which is why teachers who discipline the children in their care are often bullied by parents who feel slighted.

i don't think that telling a child to not go around mucking up stuff in shops or throwing stones at a cat is thinking that you have 'rights' over children.

Neither do I. But as boom managed to explain, people don't tell children off because it's no longer accepted as the norm, and sometimes this can have as much to do with protecting our children as our adults. I'm not talking about throwing stones at a cat though. I have said already, I read it incorrectly. But what I was trying to say has been touched upon

I've literally just had a spat with my neighbour over this. All our kids play together in a shared back garden. Two more kids come and play. His kids and the other kids got into trouble, swearing at each other and hitting. They have all said "P" (my kid) had nothing to do with it and she was bouncing alone on the trampoline. He's literally just screamed his head off at ALL of them. I suffer from anxiety and the screaming has set me off and I'm not even outside. My poor girl who has done NOTHING wrong is visibly shaken up and keeps crying. I've brought her inside. I'm fuming.
I agree with telling kids off when they do something wrong. Have told many kids off for various things grumpy inner old lady but I draw the line at shouting and screaming abuse at them.

My child always has constant close supervision so if a member of the public ever had a problem with his behaviour, I would expect them to speak to me or his carer. If they tried to talk to my son it may create difficulties.
I have spoken to other chidren about things that are dangerous or destructive and there is no one supervising them.

It's absolutely fine to tell off my kids if they are misbehaving. I don't see everything and they spend time away from me at school where I trust the teachers to contribute to them becoming decent adults.

If you are going to tell my child off, make sure you have the whole story. My child won't tell you off if you've only got half the story from your child.

When I was small I'd be yelled at by the neighbour then taken home to be yelled at by my parents. I see no issue if the child is in the wrong.

Perhaps that's why we have so many little hits running around now.

If someones child was harming my animal I would not only tell them off put march them around to their parent!
If I was told my child was hurting an animal I'd be livid with the child and thank the adult for telling me!

The only time I objected was when I was present at the time, ds had complained about a child to me and what she had said, I knew he was wrong, so duly corrected him, whilst correcting my son and defending the girl, the other parent turned round and told him off, so sternly I was taken back. I did put the other parent in her place especially since I had already dealt with it.
However another parent did intervene on another occasion and I felt it appropriate, I hadn't seen my son throw his ball at a younger child, she intervened but then came over, explained what had happened, I spoke to my son again in her presence to ensure he understood why she had to intervene and to make sure apologies were made.
I think tact diplomacy and common sense need to be shown.

This whole thread reminds me of this incident where two kids where throwing rocks trying to break my windows whilst they were in my backyard for my annual BBQ. My kind NDN told them to stop, and the mother made a big ruckus saying that she should've just LET THEM BE CHILDREN! They were 8 and 13 respectively!

Needless to say that mother and her kids are no longer invited to my house.