To wonder why no one is allowed say a word to anyone else's kids anymore

[user1498921160]

In the last week:

My sister has come home from a holiday fuming because the hotel staff told off her 2 kids for tearing around the corridor and making too much noise

Two neighbours have got into a spat because one told off the other's child for throwing stones at a cat - apparently she should have come and spoken to her and not directly to the child

I heard of a shop assistant who has received a verbal warning for telling off a child who was taking the various bread rolls out of their baskets and putting them back in other baskets (bread rolls were different prices, as displayed on the baskets). The mother complained to the manager and threatened not to shop there again.

When did this preciousness about anyone telling off your child, no matter what they're doing, start? When I was a child you'd have got another telling off from your mother for annoying a neighbour/shop assistant. Now you get defended to the hilt.

quiettigerthat is vile and disgusting and can understand why you left teaching. My eldest is 9 if they were to come home and tell me they had had a telling off off the teacher I'd trust that the teacher had good reason

And the previous poster who was made to apologise to a pupil for telling her off about lateness??

Bugger that for a game of soldiers!

If a Head Teacher tried to make me apologise to a pupil who spat at me and gave me verbal abuse I'd tell them where to shove their job.

Fortunately my HT and SLT are sane and supportive individuals who would never do that.

salmotrutta I don't doubt that there has always been lazy parents but when I was at school there was no where near the amount of parents complaining about teachers telling their kids off.

I wonder if there is some truth in what the poster said about it being the kids of parents who were kids themselves, the ones in my cul de sac that we have the bother with are barely in their 20s if that ( I make myself sound old but am only 28). Mind you I was only 20 when I had my first and my children don't act like some of the ones I see and if they do it is dealt with immediately if someone came and told me they were acting up while playing out they would be in so I don't know what the answer is really

Oh , and userlotsofnumbers up there.

I'm sure Quietiger had already established the cause for the lateness.

Could you be any more patronising?

One of my in laws has absolutely no contact with his sister. The reason is that at a family party, a seven year old boy was climbing on a radiator. My in law - whose house it was - said, 'Sammy, please don't climb on the radiator'. Ten minutes later Sammy was climbing again, pulling his whole weight against the radiator. In law said 'Sammy you are going to break that radiator! Now get off it now!'
At which point Sammy's mother silently got her coat, removed herself and Sammy from the house and has refused any further contact. This happened years ago and the family remain estranged.

I don;t think it is draconian to correct children unless you are stepping on parents toes - i.e you jump in when parent was just about to deal with the situation.

If there are no parents around, or the parents a re there and ignoring the bad behaviour then I step in.

i told off two boys (age 7ish) the other day because they were sitting on the six foot wall that surrounds my garden gawping into my garden. Their parents were no where to be seen, so I told them to get off (for reasons of them invading my privacy,but mainly because I was worried they might fall- it's a high wall) they got down very reluctantly and their mother now refers to me as 'that grumpy woman' - I can live with that - she'd no doubt be blaming me if her kids had fallen and broken their legs.

People are way too precious round kids - I grew up in a village in the 60's we roamed freely and if we misbehaved we got told off. In fact a telling off from another adult is often more effective.

When I say I told the boys off - I said 'Not on my wall please boys' in a firm voice.

I'm seeing this now with my children heading into teens

Their friends/classmates are uncontrollable - one was a bugger for hitting kicking and biting other children and was punished with loss of break times - the mother disapproved and she was constantly let off.
Last week she threw a fit and swore kicked and had a paddy in a lesson and has been suspended for 5 days

Obviously she's just expressing herself - her mom 'has no idea what to do with her'

These kids are costing us a fortune in wasted teaching time, referrals to other agencies, etc and we should be agrevied

One local family has 9 kids - all in trouble drugs aggressive behaviour, missing school, etc and mum has no interest and no control - yet she would complain if muons so much as spoke to the kids

YANBU. The preciousness is strong in this generation of parents! I tell my nieces and nephews off if I have to. My in laws and siblings tell my kids off. Doesn't bother me, saves me doing it. If they were misbehaving in say a soft play and another parent told them off I don't think it would bother me, it's yet to happen to my knowledge.

I hate this tiptoeing around "you should NEVER tell a child off have a word with the parents", as people assume the parents are reasonable people who'd listen to why you're upset that their little Timmy just gave your baby a black eye. Often they're not, I know from a massive school aged child hitting my DD (2 at the time) over the head with his fist at soft play, I told him off and said he shouldn't do that, his mum came over and told me how he can't help being boisterous and don't tell her child off again 🙄

And YY to parents storming into school to bollock a perfectly reasonable teacher (who likely barely has time to eat let alone listen to their precious drivel) when they only have the side of the story of a 5 year old and they take it as gospel! My friend is a Y1 teacher and she says parents will come in to accuse her of the most ridiculous things and when she denies them and suggests that perhaps their child has embellished a lot a little they will have none of it, are convinced their over-imaginative darling is giving the right account of events over that of an adult.

What happened to "it takes a village to raise a child"?

There are some terrible parents.
If I caught anyone throwing stones at my cat they would get a severe telling off.
I also hate children running around in cafes etc and have stopped accommodating them. By this I mean if a child is hurtling towards an unstable object, I don't intervene, it's not worth trying to help them, rather let their parents deal with the consequences when poor little Johnny trips and bangs his head.

I don't think quite was wrong for telling a child off for being late.
Hell no would i apologise after a child spat at me.
If a child dared throw stones at any cat i'd tell them off

kali110
Me neither.

She was in Year 10! A year away from leaving school.
If she's taking her sweet time to get to school, that's her issue.
If she is lot getting up early enough, that's her issue.
If home are dropping her off late then that makes perfect sense given their attitude to staff.
Clearly the parents think the rules don't apply to their child and they can turn up and kick off at school (and then we wonder where the child gets their attitude from).

I don't like this "it's not their fault" thing. Teenagers (additional needs not included) are more than capable of getting ready on a morning. Parents of school aged kids know they have to be at school at a certain time. It's not rocket science.

Not their fault is if a child gets a school bus or public transport and there is a delay.

I give detentions for persistent lateness (unless I am aware of wider circumstances, which I discuss with leadership).

My son got in a fight in a bus after a school trip. Three other boys had woken up the boy, who sat next to my son, by punching him hard in the face. When my son spoke up for the boy who got punched they also attacked him. He hit one of them back, but he had gotten hit by all three of them first. The school was displeased with my son for hitting a boy. My husband and I told the teacher straight out, that yes, we would also prefer, that it hadn't been necessary, but we know what bullies are like and if he hadn't hit back, he would have been their next punching bag. We said that he has the same right as anyone else to defend himself, and that we wouldn't have him punished now and that we would not discourage him from hitting back in the future either. ( we said this in front of two of the bullies). Also that we were not okay with them wanting to punish the victims as much as the bullies. They still gave our son detention for one lunch, but the three bullies detention for every lunch the following week. We have however noticed that he has not been hit by anyone since then. Bullies are alsway cowards and don't want to risk being hit back. But still: They woke up a boy by punching him in the face and didn't get suspended? Maybe if the school had suspended them their parents would have cared.

Isn't it often the case that the parents who don't mind their child being "told" tend to produce children who don't need so much telling?

Whereas those who object to the slightest remark tend towards having children with a very different attitude?

I think it's wrong. But I can't see it changing. It's too engrained now.

Isn't it often the case that the parents who don't mind their child being "told" tend to produce children who don'tneedso much telling?
Whereas those who object to the slightest remark tend towards having children with a very different attitude?

Very well put.

It's the same in school. Parents of generally well-behaved children are so supportive when you call up to say 'just a heads up that bobby/Sarah has started to go off track a little and I know between us we can keep them on the right lines'.

Call up the parents of persistently badly behaved students who are in and out of the isolation unit, rarely attend detentions, poor attitude etc and you usually get 'yeah... yeah... but what can you do? Yeah... they are really rude at home as well... yeah... but what can you do with them? Kids will be kids.'

Whilst I agree with the self defense argument - there has to be reasonable force - teaching children what reasonable force is quite tricky and can easily lead to the child going beyond reasonable and therefore getting into serious trouble

I'm not saying your child did go beyond reasonable - but what if he was seriously angry and hit too hard or picked up a rock and killed the child? Extreme but I can see how that would happen -

It's a tough line and not something children are thought well enough because the police and courts decide

In my experience most adults will start with a mild rebuke to a child: 'Do you mind getting off that wall please', 'Guys can you go and play football on the green. It's a bit too noisy right outside the house'.

In general, the kids who have sensible, decent parents will just mutter an apology and do what they were asked (albeit resentfully sometimes).

It's the cheeky, defiant brats that tend to get read the riot act. And yes, they're usually the ones whose parents get up on their high horse about anyone daring to speak to their child like that. She was very upset etc etc.

It's the cheeky, defiant brats that tend to get read the riot act. And yes, they're usually the ones whose parents get up on their high horse about anyone daring to speak to their child like that. She was very upset etc etc.
Agree with you there!

^Isn't it often the case that the parents who don't mind their child being "told" tend to produce children who don'tneedso much telling?
Whereas those who object to the slightest remark tend towards having children with a very different attitude?^

I know plenty of parents who would not be happy if another adult told their kids off (because we discuss this sort of thing), but most realise the parents object because their kids never need telling off by another adult.

On the other hand, decades ago when I was growing up, being told off by other adults was pretty standard, parents were far more likely to support than object and there were plenty of kids who still needed telling.

Italics fail and:

• but most would not realise the parents object because their kids never need telling off by another adult.

God the smirk because they know there's no consequences!
A five year old once came up to me as I watched my eldest at soft play, squinted at me, and then kicked me in the shin with all his might, we'd had no previous interaction, I told him off, he didn't look bothered, I went to his dad and repeated what he'd done, he shrugged, looked at me like I'd just crawled from under a rock and uttered the "he's just a kid" line, the kid in question just stood smirking at me. I was so furious that I told him that he'd be the one dealing with the little shit when he was 15, not me and turned on my heels.
These kids don't stand a chance.
Then those parents who say "X doesn't lie" or "doesn't lie to me" when another adult or teacher relays some unwelcome bad behaviour and the child denies it or shifts blame. FFS, "nice" children will sometimes lie to deflect blame or punishment, or to be allowed to go on a sleepover. Nice children sometimes do horrible things. I love my daughter, a well-behaved, high achiever who is now a lovely successful adult. She went through a snidey, sly stage at around 8 when she was unkind to and about a couple of classmates, later on she gave me the usual bollocks about a friend's parents being okay with a sleepover while they were away (fools!) and that all her friends' parents were cool with their offspring attending etc. Statements that swiftly converted from fact to panicky "well that's what friend told me, no don't ring mum! I don't want to get friend into trouble .... I mean in case she was making it up..."
I think she is and was pretty fabulous, but I could accept she was capable of unfabulous things.

My local fb esidents page had a thread that went insane because someone complained about kids running across their lawn and trashing their plants. Apparently they were child haters, should move to a city centre flat, must not have children, were lowering the property prices by complaining.. . It got really nasty and bullying.
It's the huns I'm afraid.

FFS, "nice" children will sometimes lie to deflect blame or punishment, or to be allowed to go on a sleepover.
I've had that chat with many a overprotective parent over the years (read - usually well behaved kids, can't see that their child could ever do anything wrong).

Yes, your child is never normally a problem. I agree they are usually well behaved. But this time they have made poor choices and they need to know there are consequences.
"My child doesn't lie"
Almost all children will tell fibs if it helps the situation. They're not Satan for doing it. They just need to know that we don't approve of their poor choice, they'll learn and it will be all fine in a day or two. If it helps, they've already admitted their involvement to me.
"Really? Oh. Well I'm just so surprised they'd ever do anything like that. It so not like them."
Not a problem. Better to call now than have an issue later.
"Absolutely miss maisy. We'll speak to them"