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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let this irritate me hugely??

119 replies

lovehoney69 · 30/06/2017 20:31

Hi!!i have a dp of just over a year (not dc's dad) who does something that is beginning to REALLY wind me up. Whenever I do something I do something he disapproves of eg eating too much, having a chocolate when friends offer one, watching a program he dislikes etc he will say sharply "ah-ah"
Like the sort of sound you make to a young toddler who's about to eat a coin or touch the fire. I find it ridiculously irritating and have explained many times that I feel like he's treating me like a small child when he does it. He does shrugs and says I'm being silly. Last night he did it because I was pulling a tag off a new item of clothing and I lost the plot and shouted "fuck off with the ah-ah's!!!" (Yes not my finest hour I admit!!) now he's sulking and demanding I apologise for my uncalled for outburst. So AIBU to get so wound up by this? Would you?

OP posts:
Original poster
lovehoney69 · 30/06/2017 21:41

Redsky, I'm not a big fan of shouting and swearing either, I tend to cry more when I get really angry. So I admit that swearing wasn't the best way to handle it but I have tried many many times to raise it calmly and in a nicer way but have been brushed off.
Have you never snapped in a moment of sheer frustration?
If not then I'll have some of what you're taking please Wink
Reading all the replies has really helped, I kind of thought I was being over sensitive so it's reassuring to see that it would bother the majority of people.

OP posts:
Liara · 30/06/2017 21:42

Regardless of whether he expressed it that way, his having an opinion about what you eat, watch etc. would be enough to make me dump him.

WTF? None of his business! I wouldn't take that shit from dh, and we've been together over 25 years, from someone you've been with for a year it bodes very, very badly.

Flowerfae · 30/06/2017 21:47

It's not a Wales thing. My DH is Welsh and if he did that to me, he'd be out of his arse :)

Flowerfae · 30/06/2017 21:48

on* sorry :D

KurriKurri · 30/06/2017 21:48

My XH had a whole raft of these sort of things he did. Told me I was crazy if I objected. Now he's an ex and I do what the fuck I like without a background of twat noises Grin

Magicpaintbrush · 30/06/2017 21:49

HE should be apologising to you. You didn't overeact - you had a totally reasonable response to his patronising dickish behaviour.

HandbagCrazy · 30/06/2017 21:53

I'm Welsh. I make that noise to my dogs when they're about to be naughty. I made it to my nephew / niece when they were little and about to touch hot tea / do something naughty. It's loud, takes 0 thought to organise words, fast and distracts children and dogs from possible danger.

I would never do it to DH and he wouldn't do it to me.
We don't generally disapprove of each other. We sometimes disagree but that is easily resolved with a "I don't think you should do X because of Y and it makes me feel Z" and then we talk. Like adults who respect each other.

If his reaction to being told this isn't ok is to tell you you're silly, he's basically saying "I am man. I know more than you. I am not listening to you. Do as I say."
You're options now are to either follow up your 'outburst' with DFOF, I am not apologising and don't let the door hit you on the way out, or, if you're really generous, no apology and pointing out it's unacceptable to you, so he stops or you're leaving.

scootinFun · 30/06/2017 21:57

Jesus he'd be out the door so fast if dh ah ah'd me! Kick him to the curb. You've told him you don't like it cubs he hadn't stopped so you have a choice of a lifetime of tutting or a bang up fight to get it to stop 😀

HappyFlappy · 30/06/2017 21:58

**

Good for you Kurri.

I hope you've been sitting in a hot bath full of bubbles for over an hour with a bottle glass of wine, too.

scootinFun · 30/06/2017 21:59

Not cubs, and. Silly phone autocorrect

OnTheRise · 30/06/2017 21:59

I don't think you need to apologise.

You do need to tell him you find his "ah-ahs" completely unacceptable and that you don't expect to ever hear them again.

If he can't get on board with that, then he knows what to do.

2017SoFarSoGood · 30/06/2017 22:06

I'm afraid I'd be sorely tempted to snarl and bark and bite his ankle (or whatever other juicy bit is closest) every f'n time he says it. Bite and hold on, shaking until he screams for mercy.

Redsky I'd try hard not to swear as I did this Grin

I shook my finger at my husband a time or two. He looked all around saying loudly "dog? but we don't have a dog" which made me laugh so hard, but also made me quit that nasty habit.

If the biting and snarling doesnt work, then LTB.

VanessaBet · 30/06/2017 22:08

I'm Welsh and know the ah-ah noise. I used it with my kids when they were tiny to stop them poking fingers in plugs etc. Very effective. But using it on an adult is tatty in the extreme!

VanessaBet · 30/06/2017 22:08

*Twatty!

2017SoFarSoGood · 30/06/2017 22:08

doesn't. Got so excited I lost my punctuation!

mummarichardson · 30/06/2017 22:11

Would literally split up with someone for this reason alone. Who does he think he is!!!

Original poster
lovehoney69 · 30/06/2017 22:13

2017 Grin
Oh please can I??

OP posts:
SabineUndine · 30/06/2017 22:14

I'd LTB. What makes him think it's ok to police what you do anyway?

Naturebabe · 30/06/2017 22:15

red flag. controlling behaviour.

2017SoFarSoGood · 30/06/2017 22:20

Please, be my geust. Perhaps tell him in advance that this is a direct consequence of his actions: should he continue to ah-ah you, he has been well warned. Should he then proceed with his twattishness, on his own ankle be it. Grin

Questioningeverything · 30/06/2017 22:21

What a knob. Ltpatronisinglittleb.

Sorry, couldn't put up with that. Nuh uh. Not even for a day. The second time he did it he'd be gone !

2017SoFarSoGood · 30/06/2017 22:22

GUEST. FFS. GUEST.

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/06/2017 22:24

That would drive me crazy. If I wasn't prepared to leave him because of it (and I think I might it' really disrespectful), I would just call him on it in a really irritating manner every single time he did it. Not angry shouting, but confident "don't tell me what to do" rebuttle. Possibly I'd just turn, look him in the eye and say "fuck off" every single time or, if swearing is not appropriate in your circle "controlling much?" (with a raised eyebrow), or I might just burst out laughing. I think the eye contact is quite important. The key would be, instead of letting it make you angry, recognising it as a totally illegitimate comment and responding in kind.

Do not apologise for having a rant at him though. It will underscore his sense of entitlement to make such comment. You could sit down and have a talk about it if he's willing, rather than going down the route above. That would be the mature approach, but it requires his cooperation too.

jamdonut · 30/06/2017 22:26

It could be a Welsh thing...my Grandparents were Welsh and used to say that.my mum did, and I'm afraid I do...
My kids don't seem to though.

I'm more concerned he is ' policing' what you do than the silly noise ,though.

tabbymog · 30/06/2017 22:30

It's not often I've seen opinions in a Mumsnet thread so united! Definitely a 'one warning and you're gone' thing.

He's a controlling twat, whether he makes that silly noise or not.

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