AIBU?
To buy ds none of the things he really wants for his birthday due to hs behaviour
theduchessstill · 30/06/2017 19:09
I am at an utter loss with his behaviour and just don't know what to do.
His favourite thing in the world is fucking Shopkins. They are an utter pile of over-priced shit, but fine. He has been collecting the cards, which are good because they cost a lot less than the bloody two packs and he's been spending pocket money on them and earning them by doing little chores.
However, over the last few weeks he's got more and more obsessed and goes on morning noon and night about when he get his next pack. Every time we go near shop he starts a tantrum and it's become unbearable. As a result he hasn't had any at all for about 2 weeks, yet he still goes on and on and on. We had a deal that he could have a two-pack this week if he went from Tuesday-Sat without whining for them, but he had a massive tantrum in Sainsbury's yesterday so that's off. I'm fine with standing my ground, though it is getting really wearing because he goes on and on every fucking day.
The complication is his birthday is in three weeks. For the first year ever he is going on about that too - or much more than in previous years, and everything on his list is Shopkin related. The stuff is utter tat, but that's not the point - it seems to me this stuff has a really bad impact on him and it's like an addiction. I don't want to hand over a pile of the stuff; it's of no worth whatsoever, the stories & cartoons have absolutely no plot and there is no point to it whatsoever. It makes Disney Princess look like the work of a towering intellect. Obviously that wouldn't matter if his behaviour around them wasn't so appalling.
Every tantrum he has he starts on about his birthday and how I better not get him 'random stuff', as I did last year and at Christmas, ruining those events for him apparently. He didn't act like that at the time - he gratefully received all presents which were, as usual, a mix of things he'd asked for and surprises.
He's just being so utterly foul at the moment and has spent the best part of an hour hitting out at me, pinching me and telling me he hates me - all triggered by another Shopkin request that was refused. I haven't bought him anything yet and I really can't get in the mood to as he's being so awful and I feel he might be horribly ungrateful if it's not Shopkins related but I can't bear to buy a load of the tat.
What has happened to him - he's turning 8 - it shouldn't be like this, surely ?
CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 30/06/2017 19:18
Two of my DCs were difficult for a while at that age - pushing the boundaries. I held firm and they calmed down again.
I think buy presents you want to give him, as you have before. Start giving him a bit of pocket money, so he can save up for tat and you can wash your hands of it.
But more importantly, don't let him treat you badly for an hour. He hits or pinches or insults you: he needs to know immediately you won't accept it. I would send him to his room and talk about it when he's ready. Or walk out of the room myself if that's easier.
EssentialHummus · 30/06/2017 19:19
It's his birthday. I'd get him a gift he wants, which sadly happens to be something you hate.
But - ahead of that, and not when a tantrum is brewing, you need to sit him down and explain that the endless strops about Shopkins aren't on, and you'll be taking away his collection if he has another. If he'd like more of them (or any other gift) he needs to start acting his age.
abbsisspartacus · 30/06/2017 19:19
Nope ive cut my little pokemon addict off he is 8 too and i said if he got his spellings right he would get a pack but he whined and bitched moaning he had to practice them he didn't get them right and punched me and his sibs because I refused to buy him more cards bitched to daddy I'm being mean he bought him cards 
I told him why so he allowed him to keep the cards as long as he was good for mommy so he threw my books down the stairs
I took the cards away told his dad not to undermine me in my house again
SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 30/06/2017 19:21
This isn't normal behaviour for an 8 yo. I know a few reception kids who are like this about shopkins and things like those bloody bear cards, but not a year 3 child!
Tell him that you're going to do this though. IF his behavior massively improves, maybe he could use some birthday money to buy shopkins
theduchessstill · 30/06/2017 19:27
No SN and it feels awful to see that question as it makes me feel this is a huge problem.
I have told him several times when he's calm that the whole collection will go if he keeps this up and he accepts it but ends up seeing red at some point. I need to follow through i suppose but that does seem mean and is made harder by the fact that his dad wouldn't stick to it- we're divorced with shared care.
Angelicinnocent · 30/06/2017 19:29
Unless there is an underlying condition that you haven't mentioned, I'm amazed that anyone would tolerate an hour of that kind of behaviour from a child of any age let alone one who is nearly 8.
You need to deal with that now before he gets bigger and stronger and causes you or anyone else some real harm.
Pigface1 · 30/06/2017 19:34
I wish that people wouldn't respond to every thread about difficult behaviour from a child with a question or suggestion about additional needs or ASD. First, the OP would have said if her DS had any SEN; second, it's not actually that relevant to the question she's asked; and third, as she's said, it's made her feel like crap to read it.
MrsTerryPratchett · 30/06/2017 19:37
It's not about Shopkins (vile tat) or his birthday (which I wouldn't ruin to make a point). It's day to day behaviour. If there really aren't any SN, even undiagnosed, then you need to find ways of parenting differently. Are there any issues, traumas, bullying?
I loved How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and there are lots of great parenting classes.
Nonibaloni · 30/06/2017 19:38
Are his peers into Shopkins at all? After the recent Lego card phase the social exclusion of kids in the playground who's parents didn't shop in Sainsbury's was staggering. I could believe it.
Are his friends going on and on about them and making him feel terrible? No excuse but if this is his first experience of peer pressure he needs to learn to deal with that as well as getting his behaving in line!
To be clear I'm not excusing the behaviour or saying if it is coming from friends to give in though b
Crumbs1 · 30/06/2017 19:38
I'm afraid I would have tipped whole lot into the bin by now. If you say you are going to do it then you are giving an odd message if you don't follow up. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind ..... and it's not kind to allow an 8 year old to keep having tantrums.
AppleAndBlackberry · 30/06/2017 19:38
I think I'd get the shopkins for his birthday but make it clear that he can't just have toys at random times and maybe find a way that he could save up for them himself? E.g. £1 a week pocket money but you could dock 5p for bad behaviour? Plenty of kids are obsessed with a special interest, it's the behaviour you need to work on not the Shopkins obsession IMO.
MrsTerryPratchett · 30/06/2017 19:40
First, the OP would have said if her DS had any SEN; second, it's not actually that relevant to the question she's asked; and third, as she's said, it's made her feel like crap to read it. First, the OP may not know, there may be no diagnosis yet. Second, it's quite unusual for an 8 YO so SN is a question to ask. Third, some of us have DC with SEN and we don't feel crap, we manage it, because implying that DC with SEN should make anyone feel bad is pretty horrible.
665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 30/06/2017 19:44
I wonder, I'd rather than overvaluing them by withholding them and getting them only based on god behaviour you could instead devalue them . These things seem to be on eBay on sale by the 100 for very little money.
£20 to £30 should buy an overwhelming number. I'm just wondering if it would give him an amazing gift, whilst simultaneously removing the special individualness of them?
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