To buy ds none of the things he really wants for his birthday due to hs behaviour

[theduchessstill]

I am at an utter loss with his behaviour and just don't know what to do.

His favourite thing in the world is fucking Shopkins. They are an utter pile of over-priced shit, but fine. He has been collecting the cards, which are good because they cost a lot less than the bloody two packs and he's been spending pocket money on them and earning them by doing little chores.

However, over the last few weeks he's got more and more obsessed and goes on morning noon and night about when he get his next pack. Every time we go near shop he starts a tantrum and it's become unbearable. As a result he hasn't had any at all for about 2 weeks, yet he still goes on and on and on. We had a deal that he could have a two-pack this week if he went from Tuesday-Sat without whining for them, but he had a massive tantrum in Sainsbury's yesterday so that's off. I'm fine with standing my ground, though it is getting really wearing because he goes on and on every fucking day.

The complication is his birthday is in three weeks. For the first year ever he is going on about that too - or much more than in previous years, and everything on his list is Shopkin related. The stuff is utter tat, but that's not the point - it seems to me this stuff has a really bad impact on him and it's like an addiction. I don't want to hand over a pile of the stuff; it's of no worth whatsoever, the stories & cartoons have absolutely no plot and there is no point to it whatsoever. It makes Disney Princess look like the work of a towering intellect. Obviously that wouldn't matter if his behaviour around them wasn't so appalling.

Every tantrum he has he starts on about his birthday and how I better not get him 'random stuff', as I did last year and at Christmas, ruining those events for him apparently. He didn't act like that at the time - he gratefully received all presents which were, as usual, a mix of things he'd asked for and surprises.

He's just being so utterly foul at the moment and has spent the best part of an hour hitting out at me, pinching me and telling me he hates me - all triggered by another Shopkin request that was refused. I haven't bought him anything yet and I really can't get in the mood to as he's being so awful and I feel he might be horribly ungrateful if it's not Shopkins related but I can't bear to buy a load of the tat.

What has happened to him - he's turning 8 - it shouldn't be like this, surely ?

[Excited101]

From your latest post it sounds be much as though socially he feels out of his depth and has a strong desire for control that has manifested itself through the shopkins. He's kicking out at you because you are safe.

This is a reason, not an excuse- his behaviour needs to improve but you'll find that a combination of tackling the underlying issue of birthday related stress/social circle stress and stopping feeding his current obsession will probably massively help him. Stop giving in, mean it when you threaten it, and follow it through 100% of the time. And stop buying him crap all the time, make sure there's a system that he can understand with clear rules such as saving up pocket money etc so he can exercise appropriate self control and responsibility to get what he would like.

Any physical attack on anyone and the whole lot would be removed would also be a concrete rule. That's completely unacceptable behaviour and a very clear and easy to understand sanction.

[aSleepyPrincess]

If I could like StarryCorpulentCunt's post I would! The moment anyone posts on here about bad behaviour it may be autism etc
alternatively he might just be acting out because things aren't great at school or he isn't happy with the divorce.
I would be putting some consequences in place for his actions before I assumed SEN etc.

[StarryCorpulentCunt]

If I could like StarryCorpulentCunt's post I would! The moment anyone posts on here about bad behaviour it may be autism etchmm
alternatively he might just be acting out because things aren't great at school or he isn't happy with the divorce.
I would be putting some consequences in place for his actions before I assumed SEN etc.

It irritates me too. Yes we need to be aware that sometimes all isn't as it seems but most of the time? Most of the time they are just misbehaving because they are kids and that is what kids do. They push boundaries and if they get away with it, they push further.

Op is right, Just hang in there OP, I swear they grow out of it.

A bit of discipline is not going to scar him for life. No one is suggesting 30 lashes and sleeping in the shed. For me it would be simple. He spends an hour carrying on and hitting me over some bloody shopkins? No more shopkins. Give him a consequence he will actually feel; it isn't discipline if he doesn't care. No, it isn't cruel. He is easily old enough to understand and he has been warned and warned again. Words are cheap. Never make a deal or threat that you are not prepared to follow through with.

[Bluntness100]

I couldn't purposefully ruin a child's birthday, no. I would however address the behaviour as it arises with other punishments and I would reward the good behavuour, but no, I would not ruin his birthday, which lets be honest,this is exactly what it will do.

There is a bug difference between a a punishment which is a withdrawal of privileges and ruining a young child's birthday.