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Pissed off that DD is moving out

114 replies

user1498753647 · 29/06/2017 17:33

DD is 21, recent graduate. Think she's making a stupid mistake in moving out - have always thought that rent is a game for mugs. I never rented, neither did DH and subsequently we own a house. All this airy-fairy talk of jobs and sharing a flat with her boyfriend/mates in London, miles away from her actual home. Hmm AIBU in nagging her to come to sense?

OP posts:
RiverTam · 29/06/2017 18:29

You're doing the right thing, OP (apart from posting a reverse!). My dad thought the same as yours, though never actually came out and said it, but I think it's important to do your own thing and be able to be flexible. I feel I missed out a lot being a homeowner so young, and also he had way too much say over what I bought.

SleightOfHand · 29/06/2017 18:29

OP, can you please tell us how you were able to buy your home- did you live at home with your parents until you were 30 or marry a well off man who bought the house This wasn't a hard thing to do back in the 90's, the first house we bought was around £25,000, the same house now is worth around £100,000, both on minimum wage jobs.

strawberrygate · 29/06/2017 18:31

Christ, reverses are so tedious

PNGirl · 29/06/2017 18:33

Yeah, I was going to comment that my parents paid 90k for their 4 bed detached in 1990. They'd sold their 9k bungalow for 40k 10 years after buying it and so had a 50% deposit!

PickAChew · 29/06/2017 18:34

I'd move out, too, if you we're my mum.

SweetChickadee · 29/06/2017 18:35

Get out of there OP!

I bought a flat at 21 - you could back then (mid 90s). Deposit was only 3k

So much easier then than it is now.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 29/06/2017 18:38

Don't engage with your mum or try to argue your point, just keep repeating phrases like "I'm sure you did what you felt was right for you, I'm making a different choice, as I don't plan on making you fund it you don't need to agree with it. Let's not argue."

Quietly sort out jobs and flat and don't involve them in it. There's no need to argue about it, refuse to discuss.

PickAChew · 29/06/2017 18:39

Just got to the bit where you admitted it's a reverse.

She sounds like bloody hard work.

CheshireChat · 29/06/2017 18:41

My DP's parents were like this- for a good bloody reason as well as they charged him a fortune. Funnily enough, they were quite pissed off when he moved out [hmmm].

Move out, they're VU.

GeekyWombat · 29/06/2017 18:43

How long do you think it might take her to save for a property in London?

Will you still be happy when she's living at home aged 40?

GeekyWombat · 29/06/2017 18:44

Oh chuffing hell. Reverse? Really? Sigh.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/06/2017 18:52

Nagging won't do any good, but I do understand your POV, OP. Depends a great deal on where you live, but renting can be so expensive now and they don't always realise just how much everything costs until they have to pay it all themselves - not just the rent but council tax and bills - often there's virtually nothing left to save for a deposit.

You might find in a year or two that she wants to come home and live more cheaply in order to save, but in the meantime it's best IMO to let her go with a good grace and maybe a bit of help with the odd nice thing for her new home.

sleeponeday · 29/06/2017 18:54

She's being ridiculous. You're only 21 - this is the time to build career experience, friendship circles, live a relatively responsibility-free life in a big city and discover your young adult self. Mundane, prosaic, morgage-saddled family life will get to you soon enough, if you want it to.

Just because your mum chose to sidestep her youth and dive straight into middle age doesn't mean you should. Grin

lozzylizzy · 29/06/2017 18:57

I rented at 19 with my boyfriend, now DH. We now have two houses at 32 & 34 and rent one of them out to my 'mug' of a sister.....a hard working woman with two small children who cannot get a mortgage due to her circumstances but has a forever home if she needs it with cheap rent.

GardenGeek · 29/06/2017 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harderandharder2breathe · 29/06/2017 19:01

YABU for posting a reverse. Go move out, ignore your parents and be a grown up

TheSeaTheSkyTheSeaTheSkyyyyyy · 29/06/2017 19:03

I want my kids to live with me forever tbf

Purplepicnic · 29/06/2017 19:04

Man, I wish I was 21 again and moving to London with my mates. Best years of my life.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 29/06/2017 19:06

I wish I had moved out of my home town when I was young. I'm stuck here now thanks to house prices. Don't get me wrong, I love my family being close but we could have had a different life elsewhere. FWIW I moved out at 17 (well 15 really to live with my nan, but moved into my own place at 17) and rented, bought my own house at 20 in the days of 100% mortgages.

GardenGeek · 29/06/2017 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaQueen · 29/06/2017 19:11

Giving them roots and giving them wings is a wonderful gift to give to your children.

Notknownatthisaddress · 29/06/2017 19:12

Da fook is wrong with her moving out?

What a silly original post.

You sound very controlling and bossy OP.


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Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 29/06/2017 19:13


Love a bit of Alan

Notknownatthisaddress · 29/06/2017 19:13


Just noticed it's a reverse!

Good luck OP! Smile

daydreambeliever21 · 29/06/2017 19:37

Yes OP, you should definitely move out if you are ready to do so. Parents have many different reasons for trying to stop their offspring from leaving home. The reasons your mum gives to you may not be the full story and it could be more to do with her inability to accept the next phase in her own life, without you. We sometimes like to think we are stopping our children making mistakes whereas in reality we are afraid of letting them go.
I went to uni 350 miles from home aged 18 and learned to be independent. On graduation there was no way I could ever have moved back home to be treated like a child again. Actually I did for one week while between flats and I'm still haunted twenty odd years later by how awful it was.
It's your life. Go live it your way.

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