My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Pissed off that DD is moving out

114 replies

user1498753647 · 29/06/2017 17:33

DD is 21, recent graduate. Think she's making a stupid mistake in moving out - have always thought that rent is a game for mugs. I never rented, neither did DH and subsequently we own a house. All this airy-fairy talk of jobs and sharing a flat with her boyfriend/mates in London, miles away from her actual home. Hmm AIBU in nagging her to come to sense?

OP posts:
Report
harderandharder2breathe · 29/06/2017 18:12

Unless you're willing to fork out the substantial deposit that will be required to buy property now YABVVU

even if you are paying a deposit, I'm not sure I'd want to be beholden to you if I was her Hmm with you making judgements on how your adult child lives their life doing perfectly normal things like leaving home and getting a job

Report
Mrsknackered · 29/06/2017 18:13

OP, this is what my DP's parents are like. They're basically NC these days because it's overbearing and pretty controlling. They vilified him for moving 200 miles away and renting with his girlfriend (me) as it was so far away from his actual home.
My parents were very supportive happy to see the back of me and come up and visit us all the time Smile

Report
PunnetSquare · 29/06/2017 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CatWranglersAnonymous · 29/06/2017 18:13

People do it I think because they think that AIBU is full of people who'll give you a knee-jerk YABU so if you post the reverse you get more people agreeing with you.

This thread can't be a reverse - surely. Everyone seems to be on the daughter's side rather than her mother's side.

Report
Scribblegirl · 29/06/2017 18:13

Aside from anything, living in London is houseshare in your 20s is bloody good fun. Are we not allowed any enjoyment of adult life before we graduate to worrying and stress?

I'm a homeowner now but god, 21, in a flatshare in the middle of the best city in the world and my first proper job? It was the best.

Report
user1498753647 · 29/06/2017 18:13

OP here.

Some of you guys spotted me right away! Blush I'm sorry for being a 'reverser', I know it's considered a sneaky/manipulative approach on MN. My situation, however, is entirely true and the terms I used here were used in our IRL heated discussion.

Never posted before, but I spent half my teenage years on here obsessing over scrolling through threads to see if I was a terror child or my mum was insane.

Anyway, sorry again guys. Wish my mum was as understanding as you lot!

OP posts:
Report
Dibbles1967 · 29/06/2017 18:14

I wish my 22 yr old daughter would move out. Ditto 28yo DS1Envy

I think it's brilliant that your DD wants to spread her wings. You should be encouraging & supporting her, not suggesting she's a "mug"

points to self Brew

Report
Mrsglitterfairy · 29/06/2017 18:15

'Renting is a mugs game' sort of shit really fucks me off. DH & I are in our 30s and are renting because we simply can't afford to buy. I would rather rent than live with either of our parents or be crippled by debt.
I'm sure this must be a reverse, no one can have their head so far up their arse to really think like this can they?
I moved out when I was 20, DH (then dp) and I rented off his grandparents. My mum was happy for me to do so, although she missed me, she would rather I rented with dp than be tied together with a mortgage anyway incase things didn't work out. We have since moved but are still renting. Would like to buy our council house eventually when we have got ourselves straigh with money

Report
sadsquid · 29/06/2017 18:18

Ha, was just about to post on the assumption that I was really talking to the DD here. Grin

Dear god, yes, move out, rent, live with your boyfriend - god knows where I'd have ended up if I hadn't had the chance to try out various versions of adult life before picking a spot and settling down. When you're just starting out, no kids and very few ties, the flexibility of renting is ideal IME. Ignore your mum and run.

Report
implantsandaDyson · 29/06/2017 18:18

Yes, I think nagging her to come to her senses is the perfect way to go, it will absolutely cement your relationship in a grown up way. There's no reason at all to think that it will end badly - is that you wanted to hear?
And yes I too am fascinated by all this "airy fairy talk of jobs" - is she staying at home until you can provide a dowry?

Report
LogicalPsycho · 29/06/2017 18:19

Renting is a mugs game

OP, can you please tell us how you were able to buy your home- did you live at home with your parents until you were 30 or marry a well off man who bought the house

Report
RortyCrankle · 29/06/2017 18:20

Congrats on your first post, OP. NEVER post another reverse, they are so fucking irritating. Having said that, good luck escaping from your mother's clutches - you will love living in London Grin

Report
MadMags · 29/06/2017 18:21

Why post it as a reverse?

Pointless and irritating.

Report
chowmeinchick · 29/06/2017 18:22
Hmm
Report
The80sweregreat · 29/06/2017 18:22

Got to be a reverse.
Its not easy for youngsters. Something needs to be done to help them , but i cant see the current govt doing anything at all.
The housing market will dry up without people buying. They dont seem to care.

Report
CatWranglersAnonymous · 29/06/2017 18:23

OP is your mum offering to help you out with a house deposit? If not, is there any way that you could explain to her that you can't afford to do anything else but rent? Have you approached her before about this situation? I'm sorry - it does sound tricky Flowers

Report
EdmundCleverClogs · 29/06/2017 18:23

to see if I was a terror child or my mum was insane.

Gosh I know that feeling Sad. You'll never know if you can 'manage' until you try. As for renting being a mugs game, well most of us don't have a bloody choice these days. I can only assume your parents are boomers to have that attitude (my partner's father is exactly the same, some older generations have zero idea of the hole some of us are in when it comes to getting jobs/buying houses these days). Best of luck to you, these are scary but brilliant times Wink.

Report
Coddiwomple · 29/06/2017 18:25

OP

As a mum, I do sympathise a little bit with yours. If possible, I would prefer if my kids could raise a deposit and if they have to stay with us, so be it. It is true that's it's difficult to save tens of thousands whilst paying rent.

Being able to go to move with friends/boyfriends in London is a great opportunity however, I did! Have fun for a few years, and see how it goes.
If your parents have chosen to live in an area where there are fewer or no jobs and no real opportunity, they are the ones partly to blame if their kids needs to move out to work., even after a couple of years partying traveling or living with friends to get it out of their system!

Report
Willow2017 · 29/06/2017 18:25

Ha ha, good for you OP. Your mum sounds deranged. Of course you should spread your wings its how life works. It might not be all roses all the time but you will get so much life experience its worth it.

IRL I will be devastated when my kids fly the nest but its how things are meant to be, I will support them every step of the way ( and cry when they are gone Smile)

Go grab your new life and enjoy it to the full.

Report
Whatsername17 · 29/06/2017 18:25

Mil - is that you?!

Report
thereallochnessmonster · 29/06/2017 18:25

Is this a joke?? What would you prefer her to do - stay at home for ever and never move out or be independent? Sounds like she's doing well. She wants to see more of the world, be free, have fun - and I can't blame her! Living in London when you're 21 is brilliant.

Report
EyeHalveASpellingChequer · 29/06/2017 18:25

So this is actually a reverse? Grin

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

PsammeadPaintedTheLion · 29/06/2017 18:28

Have fun in London, OP!

Report
Toomuchwine22 · 29/06/2017 18:28

OP! R u for real???!! Please tell me this is a joke! We r in 2017! She is not 12! ;)

Report
QuantamBaby · 29/06/2017 18:29

Move out, spread your wings, have some fun! Plenty of time for mortgages in the future.... Smile

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.