To not like food 'plated up'?

[BachingMad]

I know that sometimes it's inevitable, eg a pub meal. But, in general, whereas meat/main event is fine on the plate, I so much prefer veg and sides etc 'on the side', so I can be greedy where I want and reject what I don't want, without offending anybody or inviting comment on my choices.

A lovely friend invited us for lunch last weekend, and it was delicious food, and i am truly grateful - but the main course came with masses of spuds, and the pudding was a huge slice of cheese cake, drowning in cream. I ate it all, because I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but it was a bit too much, made me feel uncomfortable, a bit less relaxed.

AIBU/ungrateful?

I'd never eat it all to save someone's feelings!

I'd just say it was lovely but I'm full

It depends who I'm serving it to. Some of my inlaws think nothing of licking a serving spoon and plonking it back in the shared tureen of veg. 🤢

I hate serving myself from dishes
I always feel like I shouldn't take too much in case there isn't enough for everyone, then no-one ever wants to be the person who eats the last of something
I always come away hungry
Just put the amount of food that you've catered for me on my plate so I can just get on and eat it

That being said, you didn't have to eat it all if you were full OP, that's just silly

We are a 'plated up' household here, never known any different.

On the other hand my inlaws always serve their meals in lots of seperate dishes for everyone to help themselves, seems like such a faff!

My MIL also heats up her plates before every meal and I don't, so maybe I'm just common?

I never plate up but I also don't feel the need to clear my plate, I simply eat what I wish and leave what I don't. Unless you leave a load, I doubt anyone would be bothered by not clearing the plate..

I am with you, I absolutely hate plated food especially when people feel obliged to give you gigantic portions.

I agree, when you are a guest it's terribly rude not to finish your plate - it's not a restaurant! I never plate food for my guests, there's enough for everybody but they are free to take very little or a lot if they are hungry, if they like it or not. It's so much easier and less fuss for everybody.

Everyone's different. I've had EDs for most of my teen/adult life and I hate serving myself from dishes. I can do it, but it's hard.

I always plate up but i ask what everyone wants. Surely putting everything into their own dishes creates more dishes to wash and dry.

just take a small portion if you dislike it, and a reasonable one if you like it. If there's a lot of food - and there usually is - you can always have seconds. It's really not hard, nothing to worry about.

I hate plated up food. my mil does it and then drowns my food in gravey and it honestly makes me gag. its like eating mush. no matter how many times I ask her to do my own ahe still ignores me and gets thr hump when I don't eat much, I want to, I'm starving just let me plate my own!

I don't mind it being plated up if you've been asked what you'd like
But I have strong feelings about gravy being served in a boat

Whenever I'm being played up for, I hover in the kitchen, keeping an eye on my meat/spuds vs veg ratio 😊

We do help yourself at every meal..I've never served up for my kids,they always take what they need..I freeze the remaining food and dh has it at lunch...it is lots of bowls spoons plates extra for washing up,but hay ho,just always have done that

I don't really understand why you can't just tell a friend you're not finishing it because it was too much. Maybe when meeting the in-laws or having dinner with the boss or something I get, but with a friend? I'd just be honest.

when you are a guest it's terribly rude not to finish your plate

I don't think it's rude if it is plated. It is rude to help yourself then not to finish what you have taken.

You can say 'Oh, it looks wonderful, but you're way too generous with the portion –I'm never going to finish it!' You don't need to stuff yourself to avoid being rude.

I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand I like the informality of dishes on the table that everyone helps themselves from, but on the other I do share the nervousness about taking too much/not enough!

Since I have neither a butler nor a banquet sized dining table I serve food on plates. Big pot in the middle and help yourself is fine for everyday supper with just the four of us are here.

It is rude, you give the message to the host that you don't like her food or something. It's nearly as rude as saying "I don't like it".

Ideally hosts do not plate, and if they must, they only give a small portion, but it's still unpleasant for everyone around.

Mind you, I've recently been invited to a birthday party, where they did plate the smallest portion of birthday cake - fair enough - to ensure they could wrap at least half of it and keep it for later. It was quite amusing to watch.

It really annoys my mil that I don't plate up for big family meals, she's generally miserable about food anyway and has to control everything including more food for men and and allotted amount of gravy. I'd far rather people could relax and help themselves as needed even if it does create more washing up.

We've only got a tiny table. Mum only did it special occasions like Christmas but doesn't now think because we're all greedy bastards and would help ourselves to too much of the good stuff. Roast potatoes etc

I'm happy to eat it but I.hate the expression. Mum put me off by offering me a plated up meal of Christmas leftovers which I. Love!!

Yy with gravy though. She lets me put my own on! Went to a pub recently for roast and all the food came in a large heap on my plate then covered with gravy. At the bottom was mashed potato. Bleughh. The dog had a feast. I too can't eat mush.

I plate up, when it's just us here.

If we have guests I put out side dishes

RhubardGin I think you are me - except I know it as "dishing up," not "plating up". My in-laws don't only put all the food out in serving dishes but alwayy have two or three options and about 8 kinds of vegetables. It's all laid out along the long worktop in the kitchen and guests (including close family) have to go in first. They will not serve themselves until everyone else has been in and they also expect everyone to start as soon as they have a plate of food. So we end up having finished and watching them eat, and they sometimes try to encourage us to get another plate of food so we're not sitting there with nothing to do! I would infinitely prefer them to dish up the food so we can all eat together. I don't mind it so much where you serve yourself at the table, although it's not what we usually do at home.

I hear you on the hot plates too - I actively prefer not to have a hot plate, although I wouldn't actually complain if I got one, except maybe if I wasn't warned.