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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not like food 'plated up'?

95 replies

BachingMad · 28/06/2017 18:31

I know that sometimes it's inevitable, eg a pub meal. But, in general, whereas meat/main event is fine on the plate, I so much prefer veg and sides etc 'on the side', so I can be greedy where I want and reject what I don't want, without offending anybody or inviting comment on my choices.

A lovely friend invited us for lunch last weekend, and it was delicious food, and i am truly grateful - but the main course came with masses of spuds, and the pudding was a huge slice of cheese cake, drowning in cream. I ate it all, because I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but it was a bit too much, made me feel uncomfortable, a bit less relaxed.

AIBU/ungrateful?

OP posts:

BuzzKillington · 28/06/2017 19:55

We never serve straight onto plates. Even when it's just the family, we have dishes on the table.

Would agree it's a bit rude and clumsy to do it to guests.

Lweji · 28/06/2017 19:56

I just take the pots or the trays to the table.

Megbert · 28/06/2017 19:57

It is rude, you give the message to the host that you don't like her food or something. It's nearly as rude as saying "I don't like it"

Honestly, some people on MN are so clenched and formal it's a wonder they can manage a decent meal at all when eating with 'friends'.

If someone says they are full in my house I take them at face value. I can't imagine thinking 'how rude'.

dementedma · 28/06/2017 20:00

always plate up here. Got enough to do without a load of extra serving dishes and stuff to wash up.

Hoppinggreen · 28/06/2017 20:00

I hate it as I don't like certain foods to touch
I generally serve our meals in the centre and we fill our own plates.
Once I was slightly late to the table and mil had put food on a plate for me - DH said the look of horror on my face was hilarious!!
I was polite but she never did it again

InvisibleKittenAttack · 28/06/2017 20:10

stuntcamel - "plated up" was something my parents used in my childhood (and I was born in the 70s in the north).

I prefer dishes to help yourself, but plating up doesn't bother me.

nosyupnorth · 28/06/2017 20:14

plating/dishing up all the way in this house

honestly the sort of person who would sneer at me for not creating extra washing up by serving everything in separate dishes and then making everybody wait around with their food going cold and bumping elbows taking turns serving themselves each food item individually wouldn't be getting invited back

Coddiwomple · 28/06/2017 20:15

Honestly, some people on MN are so clenched and formal it's a wonder they can manage a decent meal at all when eating with 'friends'.

some of us have manners. Only on MN are you accused to be "formal" because you are polite. I also told my children to say please and thank you, so I must be posh?. I am glad in the real world people around me are civilised. I hate this reverse snobbery nonsense.

HappyFlappy · 28/06/2017 20:17

my inlaws always serve their meals in lots of seperate dishes for everyone to help themselves, seems like such a faff!

My in-laws did this, too - crowded the table and quintupled the washing up! Plus there was never enough "good" stuff as first ones there got the lot, and everything got cold . . .

HappyFlappy · 28/06/2017 20:26

everyone seems to think they're on fucking Masterchef 'plating up' sausages 'served' with beans and mash

Thanks RiverTam

Now in my mind is a vision of Dame Edna Everage's "Phallic Fancies" made with a vertically-balanced sausage between two spoonfuls of mashed potato, with an artistically arranged garnish of individually placed baked beans.

I will never sleep again . . . . . .

Bluntness100 · 28/06/2017 20:27

I always cook enough of everything, the table is big enough and it doesn't take so long to serve yourself that food goes cold as different serving dishes for folks to take whatever from, takes a couple of mins. I honestly don't know anyone who plates up anymore, and I've never done it.

As for the washing up, it goes in the dishwasher.

I really don't like it as much when someone gives me a set portion of food slapped down in front of me like I'm five.

HappyFlappy · 28/06/2017 20:31

I really don't like it as much when someone gives me a set portion of food slapped down in front of me like I'm five.

As long as they don't cut it up for me, I don't mind.

Coddiwomple · 28/06/2017 20:32

I don't know anyone who would empty of serving dish of anything in his plate leaving it empty for the rest of the table.

Megbert · 28/06/2017 20:34

Civilised. :o

In that case, there are quite a few barbarians on this thread.

IHeartKingThistle · 28/06/2017 20:38

I love cooking and entertaining but find plating up quite stressful - I don't know how much people want!

I'm a terrible over caterer so generally the table is groaning with dishes of food.

Luckily I'm a big fan of leftovers. Mmm.

Motoko · 28/06/2017 20:40

For regular family meals I will always plate up because I know what everyone likes, portion sizes and I frankly can't be bothered to get a load of serving dishes dirty.

This.

If we have guests, then we put dishes on the table and make sure there's plenty of everything.

It's certainly not bad manners to not eat everything on your plate if someone else has dished it up for you and you are full. Not everybody has the same appetite.
I also taught my children to say please and thank you, as well as not to eat with their mouths open, talk with mouths full, to ask for condiments to be passed, rather than reaching across the table, etc.

Spangles1963 · 28/06/2017 20:42

I have no problem with food being plated up,as long as it's not piled up with stuff you don't like. When I was a teenager,I used to occasionally go to my best friends for Sunday lunch,and her DM would always insist on piling my plate up with loads of dark green cabbage which I really am not keen on. I don't mind a very small portion but this seemed like half a bloody cabbage she'd given me. AND she only ever gave me 3 - 4 roast potatoes and ONE individual Yorkshire pud. If I ever have anyone round for a meal I always ask if there's anything they're not keen on or dislike,and what they like plenty of. I would hate to think of a guest struggling with a plate of good they don't like.

Spangles1963 · 28/06/2017 20:43

FOOD! Not good. FFS bloody auto correct.

limitedperiodonly · 28/06/2017 20:44

I can't stand the term 'plated up' unless it directly refers to staff doing just that in a restaurant. In the home, it just sounds ludicrous, along with 'serve'.

I thought I was the only one RiverTam. I don't mind. My mum used to do it but she'd remember who liked what and leave you to choose to pour on gravy or cream.

Bloody mad to feel obliged to eat everything that's been put on your plate because of made up rules of etiquette. You just say: 'Thank you. It was delicious but I'm full now' or 'I'm saving room for your lovely cheesecake.'

Yogagirl123 · 28/06/2017 20:44

This is one area that DH and I cannot agree on, I like plated up, DH cooks in our home and always serves veg in serving dishes, but then he serves and puts every last bit on the individual plates, so to me it seems a waste of time, surely he may have well plated it up in the kitchen? But no, he insists that how it should be done, we eat dinner as a family every evening, he is a fantastic cook, so I shouldn't moan about it, just a few extra bowls for the dishwasher!

OohMavis · 28/06/2017 20:47

I 'plate up' for close family because I know what they eat well, but it's always serve-yourself for anyone else. I feel uncomfortable assuming how much/what people want on their plates and would hate to get it wrong. We don't entertain too often so the extra washing up isn't too big of a deal.

limitedperiodonly · 28/06/2017 20:49

Talking about people putting gravy or cream on your food without asking: my aunt used to put salt and pepper on my dad's food for him when he was single. My mum was amazed. She did a lot for my dad, and vice versa, but she wouldn't do that. He didn't demand it btw. It was just the way it was in his family and I think others too. Women did things like that for their menfolk.

OohMavis · 28/06/2017 20:51

The term in our house growing up was 'dish up'. Food wasn't so abundant that there were any leftovers. My parents still consider dishes of food on a table for people to help themselves to be posh.

DarthMaiden · 28/06/2017 20:52

motoko I think we belong to the same "tribe*

Thinking about it I also "plate up" if we have guests and are doing a full breakfast. However, I ask everyone what they would like in advance (how many sausages, rashers of bacon, potato cakes - do you want tomatoes/beans/mushrooms- how do you want your eggs fried/scrambled/poached etc)

So though it's plated it's also what everyone would like.

I appreciate that sounds excessive but it's the norm in House Darth. We all like a full breakfast occasionally but have totally different views on what that is. So I end up making all of the above for the 4 of us, so doing so for guests isn't an issue. Umm I'm going to start a thread on the ultimate English breakfast!!!

nosyupnorth · 28/06/2017 20:54

ahhhhh now it becomes clear - the people who insist on using double the needed amount of crockery aren't washing their own dishes. that explains a lot

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