To not like food 'plated up'?

[BachingMad]

I know that sometimes it's inevitable, eg a pub meal. But, in general, whereas meat/main event is fine on the plate, I so much prefer veg and sides etc 'on the side', so I can be greedy where I want and reject what I don't want, without offending anybody or inviting comment on my choices.

A lovely friend invited us for lunch last weekend, and it was delicious food, and i am truly grateful - but the main course came with masses of spuds, and the pudding was a huge slice of cheese cake, drowning in cream. I ate it all, because I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but it was a bit too much, made me feel uncomfortable, a bit less relaxed.

AIBU/ungrateful?

when you are a guest it's terribly rude not to finish your plate

It's really not, it's actually terribly rude as a host to expect people to eat the exact amount you have decided they should.

We plate up when it's just us. With guests we tend to do help yourself.

It is hard when you are in someone else's house. I have one friend who is a bit of a nervous host and becomes a bit of a feeder. I actively say 'that's enough!' when she starts serving up as she's so generous!

Firstly, I can't stand the term 'plated up' unless it directly refers to staff doing just that in a restaurant. In the home, it just sounds ludicrous, along with 'serve'.

Anyway, I personally find it quite infantilising being given my food in this way. I try not to even do it with DD, how can she learn to judge how much food she really wants if someone else does it for her? But why another adult thinks they should tell me how much food I want on my plate I can't think.

I would only ever plate up for children. I think it's rude to do it for adults and hate being handed a plate of food. Unless it's absolutely necessary because of a tiny table.

But that said, I don't know anyone who does it other than mil, and she's pretty controlling about food.

I plate up because there's only 3 of us and it's easier, less washing and drying up. My mum usually plates up veg but not meat, which you help yourself from, and if the meat runs out my dad gets up and refills the dish. There is usually leftover veg if anyone wants to help themselves after it's all plated up. If it was left to DS to choose veg he wouldn't pick anything apart from potatoes, but if it's there in front of him dished up he will eat everything.

I'm going to get flamed for this because I know how it sounds.....but I recall as a child being told that 'plating up' food was only done in working class families 😳
I remember finding it really out of the ordinary if I went on a playdate and this happened, and my mum would be horrified when I came home and told her!

It's not something I would do now (although I don't think it's wrong by any stretch) I just prefer that people can help themselves to as little/much as they like so would always have the food in separate dishes

At home with just the two of us I generally plate but some meals come in serving dishes. When we have guests I always offer serving dishes allowing guests to take as much or as little as they wish.

I would be grateful for anyone to cook me a meal and wouldn't care if I had to serve myself or not..

When my son was a toddler I cooked a Korma when my sister visited and then Iautomatically mixed her curry up with her rice so the sauce was on it all ..She was in her 30's

I loathe food being plated up for me. My in-laws always do this and I always say I don't want much potato and lots of veg and they always give me masses of potato and hardly any veg. I don't eat what I don't want but it is just stupid and wasteful and kind of disrespectful to just ignore me.

OTOH, I quite often plate up for me, DH and DD because I know pretty much what sorts of quantities they want on their plates and neither of them minds.

With visitors I alway put the food in serving dishes so everyone can help themselves. When it's just us, I plate it.

When visitors come I always do loads so no one feels that they can take too much. All my friends and family are greedy pigs anyway and just get stuck in.

Is it me or does anyone else think that 'plating up' is a relatively newly-coined and ever so slightly pretentious term?

I dish up (or bung it on the plates any old how if I'm in a hurry)

I believe that in some cultures, it is polite for guests to leave something on their plate as it is believed that an empty plate shows that you weren't given enough food in the first place!

Yes, it is. It's an utterly knobbish term to use with regard to dishing up food in your own home. But everyone seems to think they're on fucking Masterchef 'plating up' sausages 'served' with beans and mash.

I plate up because the table's too small for all the sides. I serve a reasonable portion but always have seconds of everything available for anyone who'd like any.

When all the sides are in separate dishes, I've noticed meat-eaters aren't fussy about putting a spoon of veg on their plate but touching the meat that's already there with the back of the serving spoon.

I always plate up, I grew up with 7 siblings, mum always plated up but Dad let us serve ourselves, on the nights Dad cooked there was always an argument and the younger siblings would inevitably pile up all the best bits, insist they were going to eat it all then have approx 3 mouthfuls whilst I was stuck with a baby portion of the good stuff and all the veg I could eat.

Hate dished up food. PIL are used to feeding two hungry boys and started out giving me an absolute mountain of food, about 4 x what I could possibly eat. Made things really awkward. DH initially struggled with plating up his own food - the freedom was almost too much for him! We're all normal now though!

I did wonder about "plated up", stuntcamel. I'd probably say "serve in the kitchen or at the table" rather than "plated up or not plated up".

For regular family meals I will always plate up because I know what everyone likes, portion sizes and I frankly can't be bothered to get a load of serving dishes dirty.

However when we have guests I always put the food on the table (in hot dishes! I hate cold food) and allow people to help themselves.

I have a morbid fear of under catering and love having leftovers so I don't have to cook the next day so it's always clear that there is more than enough for a hungry rugby team - so no one needs to be shy about how much they take.

I'm lucky to have some beautiful china (I inherited a 12 place full service) and silver cutlery so I really enjoy the spectacle of the table looking fabulous and groaning with the the feast ahead. Plating up would definitely destroy the impact and mean half the china I inherited would never be used.

This thread is making me think about bubble and squeak - drool

It is rude, you give the message to the host that you don't like her food or something. It's nearly as rude as saying "I don't like it"

But OP said this is her friend. If you say "oh it's delicious but the portion is way too big for me" to a friend, then it's not rude at all.

Or maybe some people just aren't very open/comfortable around their own friends, I guess.

New one to mn everyone i know plates up. Must be mn world or pubs

A lovely friend won't give a monkeys if you leave some food.

Better to be lovely and full and leave some than needing to stop and get a bag of chips on the way home because you are still starving.

I can't understand how you're all fannying about with countless serving dishes at a normal family meal time! We're quite clearly plebs.

It's different for guests of course.

I've never been to a house where food wasn't plated up, with the exception of huge groups and buffet-type situations.

I just leave whatever I'm too full to eat.

I always plate up but i ask what everyone wants.

This is what a good host does.

For those nervous to take too much, you can always get seconds after everyone else has been served or taken their food.