To ask why parents 'hate' wraparound care?

[TrueLove83]

I'm seeking to go back to work and looking into wraparound care (WC).

A couple of parents have said they hate sending their children to wraparound care?

Where has this hatred come from? It's certainly not the quality of WC offered as our school is oversubscribed and the kids rave about it - those kids that don't go (e.g. Mine at the moment don't go) are desperate to go because their friends go and say it's brilliant.

So is the hatred from the guilt a parent feels as being unable to collect their child everyday? I would be looking at WC for two days and I won't feel guilty because hopefully I'm working and making a living!

Apart from grandparents (who have not responded to my requests to ask if they can pick up one day) what is it people do? Childminder are an option?

I'm just fed up of hearing people say I hate WC I won't send my kids to WC

AIBU I don't understand

From September my just 7yo DS could stay at school 8am - 7pm and have all three meals at school every day. That would get the pearl-clutchers going!

It's just another way for some people to show off what amazing parents they are because there's a 'worse option' that they couldn't possibly bring themselves to use.

You asked,sooooo....

I don't think school premises are ideal for children and a different setting is preferable. 10 hours in crappy buildings that weren't designed for childminding isn't what I wanted. At the end of the school day I think most kids want to get the hell out. I'd rather use a childminder or other alternatives. A walk home,trip to the park/ shop enroute, playing out then flaking out on a comfy sofa in front of CBBC away from hoards of other kids was my preference. Settings differ though,some WC can provide some of that.

I hate using wrap around care and avoid doing so whenever possible because my kids are so tired at the end of it and I end up chucking sandwiches at them in the back of the car as we speed from there to swimming/cubs/whatever.

Nothing to do with the quality of the care, which is fine. My kids aren't particularly enthusiastic about it though.

I hate the fact that my 5 yo twins are at school from 8am to 6pm 3 days a week. I wish I could somehow magically make my career fit into school hours but it can't, and I am conflicted every day between wanting to have a successful and fulfilling career vs wanting my kids to have a fun childhood where they can kick back after school and just play with their toys. Am currently looking into recruiting a nanny as at least then they could be at home even if I'm not.

I don't think any parent feels great about having to use wraparound care, but I've never heard any say they hate it.

DC1 starts school in September. We chose the school because there is a breakfast and after school club next door, provided by an external provider. None of the others near us do anything. We would be screwed without it. I don't like the thought of him going when I know he's going to be tired and just want to get home, but I have no other option.

My DC liked it. Lots of their friends went, they got to do endlessly the things that at home would be somewhat more curtailed (DD made countless elaborate models and DS played card games including, apparently, poker and played outside). Neither got overtired. I heartily recommend their after school club.

I think others have said their kids are very tired and they feel guilty. I will have to use it for 2 afternoons so 330-530 twice a week.

Childminder's are like gold dust as I've been a SAHM I've seen what the best childminder in the area does and often she's in costa with two toddlers in a pushchair (they drink their milk and biscuits) and the 3 after school kids are talking amongst themselves eating their snacks. She doesn't interact that much with them but I don't think they need it either and it's fun for the kids. Toddlers seem a bit bored but happy as they're having their milk and a snack. She doesn't have places.

There is also an external provider of after school care I'll look into them. Don't think it's fair to ask friends really unless of course I'm willing to pay them - which I would but then things always go wrong. Just better to have paid for professional care then their is no worry.

I think shocked me when parent said they hate wraparound. I think it is necessary and once again just putting guilt on parents who need to go to work

I didn't hate it but felt lucky to live in an area with excellent childminders as my dc were definitely tired of school by the end of the school day and needed to relax in something more of a home setting.

It sounds to me like a case of we only remember the negative as it adds to our guilt but never the positives as we on som eleven want the guilt!

DS starts school in September and he will be using breakfast club on site 3 days but I'm avoiding after school club (off site) until at least term 2 as I think he'll be overwhelmed with all the changes.

Friends and my mum will do the pick ups for me and I will be home by 5.

I don't object to it though, I think it would be better if all on site though as am not keen on him being walked a mile in busy road!

Smugness could also be another reason. A woman at my friend's exercise classes referred to kids who went to wraparound care as "lifers". This lady doesn't need to work and managed to sum up in one word why she didn't like it.

It sounds like all forms of care - there are high quality, thoughtful and careful providers who give the kids what they need, and providers who aren't as good.

I'm very grateful to have one of the former with our wraparound. They also use the school kitchen to make them a halfway decent tea.

It's a sevice at the end of the day. I work pt and tbh part time in wrap around is enough for my kids . Several other mums at school have to work ft and their kids don't enjoy wrap around care tbh as they are there all the time.

Also depends on the set up. My kids school has a lovely quiet room with bean bags and pillows where they can lie and have a snooze/veg out with a dvd if it's all a bit much - perfect for ds who can get overwhelmed

Because your child will have done a full day at school and also be away from home and family for even longer. I don't think anyone really wants that for their child no matter how grateful they are that the service is provided.

no, few want that - but getting out of work is so costly to your career - i wish there were more childminders where we are, they're hard to find. Most of the ones in our area like to finish at the end of school. The ASCs are so big - it is a continuation of school, with 30+ kids in a large-ish room.

I think shocked me when parent said they hate wraparound. I think it is necessary and once again just putting guilt on parents who need to go to work

But they didn't say it wasn't necessary, they said they hate it and that's quite different.

Well if the alternative is the risk of long term poverty and unemployment and a miserable old age with no pension or savings of your own (you know, once the earner you're relying on has died/been made redundant/left for a younger model) - suddenly wrap around care doesn't seem so bad.

Far more women live in poverty than men - whether as single parents or as pensioners. That's simply a fact. To ignore it (without a cast iron defence against it) is a tad risky.

(I've heard nothing but good things about the WAC at dd's school. I don't need to use it but had to book dd into a club for one day as she was annoyed at missing out.)

I think it's fairly bad that there are few adequately paid jobs so professional wraparound childcare isn't a choice so much as a necessity for many.
The career thing is a red herring - that's just a sign of the fear of being seen as anything less than living for work.
The childcare in itself isn't inherently bad but it rather removes a lot of downtime for children and families together.
I worked in a private secondary where high numbers of children had two parents working fulltime for all of their lives. We did need a team of counsellors to support the self esteem of some of them. It suits a lot of people. But not everyone.
Some children were fine at that age. Some not. You can't just dismiss everyone's concerns about wrap around childcare as being guilt inducing. It doesn't suit every child nor does it suit every parent some would like to go part time but might resent that their employer will simply make that akward.

Changed I am very interested in your post and impact on self esteem.

It is concerning that years of childcare has impacted children in this way? That's not to say those children who stay home don't have self esteem issues?

I for one was never with a childminder or in wraparound. We lived in an extended family household so there was always a family member to get me and younger sibling to and from school.

I think I've found high quality wraparound now. I do appreciate the downtime comment.

Hopefully by working part- time means my kids will get the down time necessary. Yes wraparound is a necessity for now.

Is the career thing a red herring? I don't understand this bit? As people shouldn't value themselves by their career?

Simply put if you don't have family nearby then what else are you to do?

My issue being I don't need to work but I want to work because my career was a large part of my identity. I can't help but feel that way and now I feel I might regret that?

I love wraparound care as there is continuity of the place of care and people.
My dd sees the same TAs from lunchtime so has an excellent relationship.
It allows me and DH to work ft in jobs that involve a lot of travel.
It is great for us all.

Self esteem isn't an issue for me nor my child.
Working is great. And I think my child has a good quality of life as a result. I am super defensive about this.
I see kids in the morning crying and being soothed by parents that don't work. It just depends on the child.
I have a confident child (possibly because parents are both v confident) so it works. This won't work for everyone.

I prefer mine being at wrap around as I don't want them always on screens.

I prefer mine being at wrap around as I don't want them always on screens.

best example of MN passive aggressive smugness that I have seen for awhile.
Well done!

I've managed to avoid wrap around care but have an expensive option of a nanny for my two.

I don't mind breakfast club but I do mind after school clubs because it's hardly relaxing. As they get older I think I'll be happier about it. But they likecoming home and I like them being home.

For little children it's a bit sad. It might be nice for a bit playing with their friends but they have done that all day and they would probably prefer to come home to their parents/grandparents etc and chat about their day/chill out/play with their toys and siblings. It's also good to get their homework/reading done earlier on in the evening instead of nearer bed time.

But obviously, needs must and it's better than having no money! Children are very adaptable and tough so I'm sure in most cases it's absolutely fine