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AIBU?

to be annoyed that my mum doesn't want to be called Gran, Granny, Grandma, Nan.....

132 replies

sar123 · 22/03/2007 09:28

..... or anything else vaguely grannyish sounding? My dad is happy with grandad. Just can't help feeling that it's a bit selfish of her. After all she IS a grandparent, no getting away from that! Ok she's young in comparison to many of my friends mothers but all the same....Should I insist? Or seek a suitable alternative?
And anyway, what alternatives are there to the obvious? What do your dc's call their grandparents?

OP posts:

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Tanee58 · 22/03/2007 15:11

Nona is nice - it's Italian.

charlottegeorgiaolivermums · 22/03/2007 15:11

Sar123

My fil said he was 2 young to be a grandad when my dh had 1st 3 children with 1st wife. They all call him by his 1st name.

I hate this like the children sound totally disrespectful but they always called him by that so when I came along had no say.

However, when I had my dd1 nearly 4 years ago I told dh that they would call him grandad and thats that if he doesn't like it it's his problem not mine my children will be respectful and it would confuse them as all their friends will have nanny's and grandad's so why do they have nanny and (yes he is a true grandad - he's by dh biological father) Could understand more if he was a step father etc.

He never pushed it and all my dc call him grandad it appears he's old enough now - but he's now an old grandad as he's friends are becoming great-grandads at 70 and he's just had another grandchild my ds3.

My mum said she doesn't like the name nanny or grandma and said she'd prefer Nana - but when I told her this just reminded me of the Collie from Disney's 'Snow Dogs' she changed her mind.

Surely your mum would understand that you don't want your children to feel left out by not having a nanny when their friends all do?
Also a good lesson for children in respect to elders etc.

In the book I'm reading the children call their grandmother 'OMA' which is the Dutch term for grandmother. doesn't sound nannyish to my British ears would this or any other languages word do?

CAM · 22/03/2007 15:19

Agree with bundle, in reality its got to be her choice. I'm a grandmother who is not called any of the traditional gp names, my choice.

Can't stand dictatorial people.

twinklingstar · 22/03/2007 15:45

Anyone have any experience of this situation:- ds has a partner with a child by a previous partner. It seems very likely that ds and she may have children in the future, so if her lo calls me by my christian name, what will happen when a sibling comes along? Any ideas or experiences to share?

charlottegeorgiaolivermums · 22/03/2007 15:55

My sc call my parents by their Christian names as they were all over 8yrs old when dh and I got together our children call then nanny and grandad.

But they call their mothers dh parents nan first name and grandad first name as they where younger.

Whatever happens your grandchildren will now that your their nanny. My dd1 us nearly 4 and understands she has 2 older brothers and a sister who are not mine, but can't understand why they call her daddy 'dad'. She get confused but always falls back on what we have told her that they are her brothers and sisters. Can't explain half families and ex wifes to a 4 year old the other day she asked about why my sd calls someone else mummy and asked why I tried to explain and she just looked totally lost.

twinklingstar · 22/03/2007 16:05

Charlottegeorgiaoliversmums, thanks for that - it is tricky, isn't it? Ds's partner and her dd are lovely and we see them quite often. It struck me yesterday when her mum said 'show twinklingstar........' and I thought it would be a step too far for me to be called any grandmotherly kind of name at this point (she is 13 months) but what if ds and her mum had a child together who called me Gran (or whatever)? I wouldn't mind if she did call me a grandmotherly name, but would calling me twinklingstar for however long first mean it would be impossible for her to switch from calling me by my christian name to Gran?

Mossie · 22/03/2007 16:17

Exact opposite of my mil; the moment I got pg she started (surreptitiously) referring to herself as Gran! Made me pmsl! She is 64 and very young-acting / looking but all her friends have had grandchildren for years so she has felt a bit left out.

charlottegeorgiaolivermums · 22/03/2007 16:18

Don't think it'll be to hard at 13 mths my dd2 is 2 and although we tell her it's nanny (surname) she forgets and calls her nanny (first name) no problem or even just her Christian name but he does change back. Could the child not start by calling Auntie Twicklingstar as a sign of respect and later when everyones ready just replace it with nanny Twicklingstar the parents would have to start this I think but it would work if the child was told you where nanny and at such a young age why shouldn't you be all children love nanny's - as they spoil them rotten.

Califrau · 22/03/2007 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ComeOVeneer · 22/03/2007 16:24

My LO's have odd names for all their granparents. The weirdest is dh's father who they call Zadie Adie.

charlottegeorgiaolivermums · 22/03/2007 16:24

Twicklingstar
Sorry forgot to say if they have children - your grand children then her little girl will feel left out that they call you nan and she doesn't and she'll more than likely just change to calling you nan from them in.

Before dh and I got married he dated a mother and her children would go to see my in laws with my step children. My sc all in laws nanny and *** (Christian name)and they felt left out so asked my mil if they could call her nanny. She treated them all the same and they started to call her nanny. The children were around 6 & 8yrs old.

sar123 · 22/03/2007 16:31

gscrym that's what my mum suggested but i can't help thinking it's a bit pretentious to use a foreign name with no real justification.

charlottegeorgiaolivermums exactly my worry that my dd will feel left out. And I feel upset that she's not proud to be "grandmother" to my dd if that makes sense.

OP posts:

gscrym · 22/03/2007 16:32

Teach your Little one to shout 'Oi, Missus'. She'll quickly warm to Granny.

sar123 · 22/03/2007 16:34

LOL gscrym! not a bad idea. She's a teacher so I could get dd to call her "Miss"!

OP posts:

charlottegeorgiaolivermums · 22/03/2007 16:47

I'd always ref to her a grandma or nanny which every one you prefer but not in front of your mum and when your dd says it she'll more than likely just accept it and be proud that dd is talking to her

Hulababy · 22/03/2007 16:59

I find it a bit sad that she doesn't want t be recognised as a grandparent. 58 isn't that young to be a grandparent afterall.

DD has two nana and grandads - my parents and my PILs. Differentiated if talking about them by adding surnames, so no confusion issues. She also has grandmas(great grandmas) and two other grandads (great grandads). All love being known as grandparents. And my parents are younger than 58 too.

shimmy21 · 22/03/2007 16:59

I think subterfuge is called for here. Call her grandmere or whatever she wants to her face but when she's not there refer to her as Granny Grandmere. That way dd will get a granny, granny gets her pretentious name and probably with time the granny part will be what dd uses naturally and you can blame school or nursery for putting the idea in dd's head!

Hulababy · 22/03/2007 17:01

Twinklystar - one of DD's great grandmas isn't her real grandma. DH's grandad remarried a few years ago, prior to me and Dh havig a child. But when DD was born we actually chose to use the grandma name, which she loves BTW, as that is what/who she is to DD.

Linnet · 22/03/2007 17:04

My dd's have granny and grandpa on dh's side.

On my side they have a grandad.
They call my granny, who is actually their great-granny, "granny" because when dd1 was little great-granny was too much of a mouthful.

BigCremeEggs · 22/03/2007 17:08

my mum is Ninny & my Dad is grandad. MY nin is my Nin and is my dd's great ninny - i know abit confusing!!! lol!!

tartanchatterbox · 22/03/2007 17:09

My gramdmother on is called Allie because she thought she was too young to be a grandmother when her first grandchild arrived! It backfired on her, because by the time I was born 10 years later she wanted to be known as Nanna and she never got it from me or her 9 grandchildren! Now she is finally Nanna allie at the age of 85!

My tip is to let the grandchild decide, and just say "Your grandmother..." when talking to her. That way you are always right!

jenwa · 22/03/2007 18:13

My mum is Oma but that is because she is dutch and my dad Grandad as he is english. My MIL and Fil are Grandma and Pops.

i think you should say that she is their grandma but needs to come up with a name you both agree on as it is unfair for your child to not be able to refer to her as anything. Otherwise maybe she will get called "her" or "lady"!!!!

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Rantum · 22/03/2007 18:19

My DS wasn't allowed to call my granny "great-granny" because people might think she was old - she was 88 at the time he was born - i am not convinced that people think she is young because he refers to her as Grandma.

DH's parents are Oma and Opa (dutch)to our ds too Jenwa - and mine are Granny and Grandpa.

Gingermonkey · 22/03/2007 18:30

My mum is mama and my dad papa (my DD chose them when she was about 2). DH's parents are Jammy and Dad Dad. And Dh's granny is old jammy (she loves it!)

Troutpout · 22/03/2007 18:34

No not unreasonable
i'd ignore her and call her it anyway

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