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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU - friend or the school?

80 replies

Momzombie · 25/06/2017 14:23

DD starts high school in September. They have just been told what class they will be in. One of her friend's mums has gone ballistic because she apparently supplied the school with lists of children she would like her DD to be placed with as well as children her DD has issues with and did not want to be with. School have ignored these lists - she has been placed with none of her friends but 2 children from the blacklist!

She has complained but school have said they will not change the classes, that doing the classlists is a logistical challenge and they made it clear from the outset they could not guarantee children would be with friends (true). This mum is not backing down and wants me and others to contact the school to support her case.

Thing is, I'm happy with the class my DD has been given. I'm secretly glad she's not with this girl as she can be very difficult and I think it would be good for her to make new friends.

So, what do I do???? Arghhhh

OP posts:
BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 25/06/2017 14:25

So, what do I do???? Arghhhh Stay well out of it!

WorraLiberty · 25/06/2017 14:25

Tell her to bugger off?

She sounds batshit tbh.

Classes are normally made up of an even mix of children, of varying abilities, because they're schools, not social clubs.

PeaFaceMcgee · 25/06/2017 14:25

Tell her there's nothing you can do.

Caulkheadupnorf · 25/06/2017 14:27

It's nothing to do with you. Stay well clear!

witchofzog · 25/06/2017 14:28

The Apple doesn't fall far from the tree does it? This is not your battle and this woman is being massively unreasonable. In high school you are only in your tutor class for a small amount of subjects with the rest usually organised depending on ability. Additionally this is the time when a lot of new friendships are formed. 3 months in and none of this will matter.

Pengggwn · 25/06/2017 14:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheNaze73 · 25/06/2017 14:30

I'm sure her snowflake won't melt. Avoid the fucking idiot like the plague

LouHotel · 25/06/2017 14:31

I find it strange she hasnt been placed with at least one friend. Maybe her 'friends' have requested not to be with her if she's a difficult kid....wouldnt bring that up mind.

NapQueen · 25/06/2017 14:33

Surely this is just for tutor group? High school kids usually mix round different topics according to ability so she will barely see these two other kids.

And your friends mum doesnt have much faith in her dds ability to make new friends if she is preplanning all this. Or at least trying to.

CommonSenseIsNotAllThatCommon · 25/06/2017 14:34

I find the 'side nod and change subject' approach best in these situations.

Anasnake · 25/06/2017 14:35

I suspect several other 'friends' parents have requested that their child not be with her.

SkeletonSkins · 25/06/2017 14:36

I would suggest, if she's difficult, Primary might have had something to do with this. If she's not working well with current friends they may have suggested a fresh start at transition meetings.

yorkshapudding · 25/06/2017 14:37

Don't get involved.

I work in a school and parents like your friend just end up making life more difficult for everyone, including their own children! Your friends DD will never develop the resilience or coping skills to deal with her own problems because if Mum just bulldozes in and bullies people into doing what they want. Don't enable that shit.

The school are absolutely right not to give this woman's child preferential treatment purely because she's entitled enough to expect it. If she asks again I would just say that you don't want to get involved, this is her complaint with the school is nothing to do with you or your DD.

MacarenaFerreiro · 25/06/2017 14:38

Stay out iof it - your friend is batshit crazy.

RandomMess · 25/06/2017 14:41

"I'm sure the schools had their reasons for recommendations and final decisions"

Rinse and repeat if you can't stay out of the conversation altogether!

LindyHemming · 25/06/2017 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gemini69 · 25/06/2017 14:42

do NOT get involved... this is not your dramarama x

unfortunateevents · 25/06/2017 14:43

Well she's already marked herself out as "that" parent. This is not primary school, the high school has probably somewhere between 100-300 pupils starting in Yr 7, they haven't got time for this kind of nonsense. It's not clear if the high school asked new starters to name some people they would like to be in class with, some do some don't. If the school did, it's quite possible that the people she ended up in class with put this girl on their lists as one of their desired friends? So they may be happy!

I would absolutely keep out of this, she's not going to "win" and she's doing her daughter no favours either.

BarbarianMum · 25/06/2017 14:43

It's not great that she's not with any friends at all to be fair. Having said which, there is nothing you can do about it but offer her mum some reassurance- her dd will cope and it will be OK.

Are there really lists of children her dd doesn't get on with? If she's had problems with a certain child it would be a bit crazy to put them together but lists?

Sirzy · 25/06/2017 14:45

What a pain she sounds!

As others have said stay well away.

Can you imagine the chaos if every parent provided schools with "feedback" on class lists? It would never work.

Unless there have been specific issues with a certain pupil - in which case a request to split up IF POSSIBLE would be fair - then leave the school to group as they feel necessary

RhubardGin · 25/06/2017 14:45

Why do YOU have to do anything?

I'm confused as to why this affects you to be honest.

The other mum sounds ridiculous and her DD will just have to suck it up. Good life lesson I think.

ProphetOfDoom · 25/06/2017 14:53

I'm secretly glad she's not with this girl...

There's your answer. Lots of other children/parents feel the same.

WeAreEternal · 25/06/2017 14:53

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

There couldn't be a more appropriate phrase.

requestingsunshine · 25/06/2017 14:53

Not much you can do really, if keep out of it. I've never heard of providingvthe new school a blacklist, mine had to list 3 friends they'd like to be with but that's all.

But, these 2 from the backlist if they've been badly bullying this child I can see why the mum is not happy. Could that be the case?

My ds has been badly bullied by one child at school . Very physical bullying resulting in actual injury, scarring and has had a distinct emotional impact on my ds and his confidence. Recently there was a residential trip and they put this bully and his friend in the same room as my son. I only found out when they got back but I was furious. School did move my ds from the room after 2 nights because he was so distraught as the bully was relentless when in the room. It beggars belief, it really does.

I think I'd have a word with the secondary if it turns out this bully is in my sons class again this year when they move up.

However in this case, it it's just a case of this girl simply does not like these others then the mother is being weird.

CommonSenseIsNotAllThatCommon · 25/06/2017 14:53

Slightly intrigued by these lists I must admit.