Who is BU - friend or the school?

[Momzombie]

DD starts high school in September. They have just been told what class they will be in. One of her friend's mums has gone ballistic because she apparently supplied the school with lists of children she would like her DD to be placed with as well as children her DD has issues with and did not want to be with. School have ignored these lists - she has been placed with none of her friends but 2 children from the blacklist!

She has complained but school have said they will not change the classes, that doing the classlists is a logistical challenge and they made it clear from the outset they could not guarantee children would be with friends (true). This mum is not backing down and wants me and others to contact the school to support her case.

Thing is, I'm happy with the class my DD has been given. I'm secretly glad she's not with this girl as she can be very difficult and I think it would be good for her to make new friends.

So, what do I do???? Arghhhh

you can't please everybody, there is frequently no possible arrangement that won't upset at least one or two parents!

Your friend is BVU. It's crazy that she's getting others to back her up, is she quite used to being Queen 🐝?

I strongly suspect that the Primary school has had some input here too. So, those children who the mum said were "suitable" may well have asked to go elsewhere and the primary school supported the idea.
If the child (and mum) are difficult, the new school WILL have been given a heads-up. Obviously, they will also form their own opinions and will treat child fairly, but it's good to be forewarned.

I work in a school and parents like this can make life incredibly difficult for staff. Keep well clear of her and don't be drawn into her nonsense.

she apparently supplied the school with lists of children she would like her DD to be placed with

I bet the parents of those children all had only one request on their friend list. "Please not Ms Batshit's DD if at all possible". Stay out of it.

would she Stalk the school for your DD OP ??

We were allowed to put down three if possibles and three no thanks when we were filling out the forms for high school registration. Dd got put with none of those and only two boys who's been with her at junior school. TBH I'm glad in one way, it got her mixing and now she has a far wider group of friends then I think she would have had if she'd of been put with her junior school friends

Sorry - missed the point! - d'oh!

Might be worth mentioning this to pita mum

It happens all the time in schools and she'll need to get used to it unfortunately.

I asked my class to give me three names of friends when I went up to the high school for the day with the other feeder primary teachers.
It's incredibly, incredibly difficult tbh. You have to consider abilities, friendships and bad combinations; including bad combinations with other schools!
I argued with a colleague who thought I should separate two girls in MY class. I said that couldn't possibly do that to them, they needed a friend for starting out and it's none of your fucking business anyway

I'd keep well out. I'm sure the teachers did their best and will have had their reasons. (Though I must admit, I'm surprised that she doesn't seem to have one close friend with her)

I would have thought this is exactly the sort of situation a parent uses as an opportunity to teach their children that the world does not revolve around them. It's a shame for the girl that her mother has other ideas.

Could you tell nightmare mum that, on behalf of your daughter, you really don't feel comfortable rocking the boat before she's even started at the school, and that on this basis you would prefer to give the staff the impression that you support their professional judgment?

Stay well out of it , you really don't want to be known as one of those parents before your child has even started there.

I should add that they didn't get to be with all 3 friends!!!! Just that I wanted to make sure that they had someone. I don't know althwie close friendships tbh.
Again, my colleague thought that I shouldn't have done that! Wtf not???? I still remember being spilt up from my closest friend when I went to high school - it was all alphabetical. We're still friends 33 years later, though

*all the
Stupid autocorrect!

Tell her you're not getting involved or the school may move your DD into a class she doesn't want to be in too

I have had "friends" asking me to get involved in their stuff before. I don't I just say hope you resolve it but I can't get involved or its an issue I let the school work out.

Never ever get involved in issues that are nothing to do with your DC at school.

Poor girl. Starting high school is tough and more so if you don't have friends in your class. I didn't know anyone and most (all probably) lessons in year 7 were with the tutor group. It sucked but most kids had gone to other schools. I fell in with the wrong crowd for a couple of years. It's much harder to make friends at 11/12 than 4/5.

You probably can't do anything but if you care you can help by showing some empathy and suggest your DD meets with her at breaktime that first week.

I would do what's best for your dd and stay out of it. Tell her you sympathise but you don't feel comfortable challenging the school about something that doesn't involve you or your child and you won't do it. Be straight about that so she doesn't keep trying to persuade you.

Avoid the issue totally! As a Year 7 form tutor, I was given loads of info about the children and have managed, over the first few months, to ensure that none are left out and all have been encouraged to be friendly to those who seemed isolated. I'm sure your friend's child will cope.

As a parent, she really shouldn't be making demands as to where her snowflake goes. Our Year 7s are together for everything bar Maths and PE.

I would probably just say 'oh I think it's good for them all to mix with new people' and leave it at that

We usually ask the year 6s to list 3 friends. Though no guarantee they'll be with them though. Occasionally a parent will ask for their child not to be with another child but when I pass that on to the high school, I will also explain the reasoning and if I think it's legitimate. So if A's mum says she wants him kept away from B, I will relay that in the transition meeting and I might say 'actually they are both really great boys but together they can be really silly' or 'I've no idea why mum has asked this, first we've heard of any problem. Never been an issue in school'

Never had lists brought before though. I suspect the school might have struggled to find a class without any of the children from the bad list. Combine that with potentially other parents not wanting their dc with her and you get a very difficult problem to solve.

The u is only trying to do what's she thinks is best for her daughter.

I don't agree with what she is doing-presumably if you weren't happy with your daughter's class, like most on here you'd just tell her tha tit was tough & to make the most of it?

This isn't your battle, but I'm going to go against the grain here and remind you all that 11 is still quite little and if this poor girl isn't with anyone she feels comfortable with, her secondary transition is going to be hard.
I don't think that mum is BU to be upset for her child, I do however think she's BU to want you to sort it.

Schools don't have time for this crap!

They have to balance abilities as well as friendships, and have kid coming in from many feeder schools - they can't ALL be with their best pals, and as others have said, they will be split into different classes for various subjects anyway.

This sin't your fight - run like the wind.