MIL Hell. WIBU to refuse to have her round our house?

[QuickCloseTheCurtains]

Please excuse this really long post.
I'm at the end of my tether and close to walking away from it all... DP included.
My MIL is becoming more and more intolerable. She's always been a nuisance but I'm started to feel smothered.
A few years ago she left my FIL for another man.
During the relationship with the OM, we barely saw her (once a month at the absolute most). The relationship ended and she realised she was left with nothing and no one.
This is when the trouble started.
To list but a few.....
She has walked into our house and swiped her finger for dust.. eurgh'd and then wiped in on her jeans.
She brings crisps and Cola round because I'm "obviously unable to do the weekly shop" and my "cupboards are bare".. why she is looking in my cupboards I have NO IDEA!
We looked after her cat for a few months as she was too distressed to look after it when the OM left. She refused to have him back until we'd taken him to be de-flead and de-matted... As if we'd completely neglected him.
She has bought us a hoover for Christmas as mine obviously isn't working.
The next year she followed it up with a Washing Machine...
She has turned up to our house unannounced on several occasions- one time bringing cleaning fluid with her.
She has popped round in her lunch break whilst we are at work to water the plants and to weed the garden. We haven't asked her to.

I have just had enough of it. My DP agrees that she's off her rocker and is going too far but thinks it's okay to let her get on with it as she's not hurting anyone.

AIBU to think this is bat shit crazy?
WIBU to tell my OP we need to loosen the apron strings or I am going to seriously think about leaving...?

I understood you womble

OP, as others have said, lock the gate and only you have a key. Just do it.

Also, come up with some phrases to gently but clearly confront things. Eg.
"Did I see you grimace/check for dust then?"
"Did you mean to be so rude?"
"Is there something you'd like to say?"
"That's really not appropriate."

She's continuing as she is because it's comfortable and is working for her in some way. You need to make your boundaries much clearer so that it's no longer comfortable for her to frog march through them.

There are some good guidelines for boundaries etc on the site Out of the FOG. HTH

Yanbu OP.

FFSNavyof course the posters are moaning about their MIL. That's the point of the bloody thread!"

I agree with Womble's post. The OP has come on here because her MIL is out of order. It is deeply disrespectful for the MIL to swipe for dust and all the rest of it. She's completely undermining the OP and making out she is a lousy home keeper. That is rude and deeply insulting and she shouldn't be infringing on their home and life like that.

Navy you seem to be deliberately 'misunderstanding' anything and anyone which/who is pointing out the bleeding obvious to you

The Mil is NOT doing this to be helpful. She IS doing it to undermine the op and has done for 3 long years. What on earth is there to defend?

If someone came into my house looking for faults and telling me I hadn't bought enough shopping and presented me with a bunch of crap i didn't want I would tell them where to stick it and leave no matter who they were. She doesnt get a free pass to ve a bitch just cos her son lives there.

People are agreeing with op and supporting her BECAUSE Mil is being a controlling bitch marking her territory BECAUSE She had no man in her life other than her son. It's bordering on creepy.

I wonder if it was a Mil posting about her dil if your answer would be the same.

I have thanks maybe you should to instead of always excusing blatent bad behaviour by mil.

I'm trying to imagine what I would do if my MIL gave me a vacuum cleaner rather than give her own son one. I suspect I would still be ranting about it.

Does your DH realise this is becoming a deal breaker for you?

She's bored, lonely and has buggered up her life. Find her something to keep her busy. Be prepared to get cross with her to get her off your territory. Every time she finds dust turn round to DH and say 'did you forget to do the dusting darling?' He'll move her on soon enough.

The kind of things your MIL does are the kind of things my DM does. annoying and controlling but kindly meant. except that if she wasn't my DM i'd go apeshit about them