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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go due to short notice

87 replies

kerrygirl85 · 22/06/2017 15:47

It's my mils birthday and my husband told me there were no plans made to do anything today to celebrate it.
He's just rang me now saying he messed up and he mis-read the text and actually we are all going out for dinner tonight. Now I've to get two kids ready and bring one for a haircut as he's graduating preschool tomorrow and his hair really needs a chop badly and then go pick up a present and card cos he couldn't even do that.
On top of that I offered to bake the cake for mils party at the weekend something I do as a hobby so was planning on doing that today so the cake would be fresh for Saturday as I'm going out for my friends birthday tomorrow night after the graduation. AIBU to not go and bake the cake at home like I'd planned whilst they go for dinner other wise it's going to be 10 at night or later before we get home and kids settled before I get to bake it. I know it will look rude if I don't go as it's a big birthday for mil but I'm so annoyed with my husband for dropping me in this. When I told him I hadn't even done the cake yet he told me it was my problem that I offered to do it but wasn't complaining when I saved him a few quid

OP posts:

witsender · 22/06/2017 15:49

I wouldn't bother with a hair cut and would buy a cake, stating lack of notice. Then go and enjoy the meal, no cooking!

Rednailsandnaeknickers · 22/06/2017 15:50

He "mis read" the text? What the one that said "we are going out"?

Aye right.

Do what suits you best.

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 22/06/2017 15:50

I would go, it's your husband who messed up not Mil. Then get husband to buy a cake.

ExplodedCloud · 22/06/2017 15:51

He needs to go and get a card and present. Part of me would be tempted to say he misread the text so it's all his problem but it would probably be better to go tonight if you can.
Not quite sure what to do about the cake though...

Sofabitch · 22/06/2017 15:52

A hair cut is hardly a major emergency that can't be put off

YABU to make such a fuss from a mistake.

Go and enjoy the meal

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 22/06/2017 15:53

Your absence would miff her more than no cake I would think. .
Make sure dh takes full responsibility for the fuck up. .

Msqueen33 · 22/06/2017 15:54

Get him to get the card and present. Dash and do the hair cut and buy a very fancy cake from Waitrose.

Original poster

kerrygirl85 · 22/06/2017 15:54

DS defiantly needs a haircut for graduation tomorrow as they're getting their class pics taken too so hair cut was a priority. The cake I was making was a fully iced cake and to get someone to make what they wanted at this short notice would be basically impossible. It's for a party with at least 50/60 people going

OP posts:

MaverickSnoopy · 22/06/2017 15:54

"It's your problem". Wow your husband is quite the charmer.

Forget all the arrangements. What do you want to do? If you want to go to dinner then your husband can buy a cake. If you don't want to go to dinner then make the cake. Don't try and do both, you'll be shattered for your night out tomorrow.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/06/2017 15:57

What you have is a serious H problem. But also a serious assertiveness problem. The present is your problem? No it isn't. Card? Nope. Cake? Give the options to people that are possible and they choose.

My DH would never delegate to me like this because he's not my boss.

Allthebestnamesareused · 22/06/2017 16:04

YABU to refer to leaving preschool as a graduation

Do your thing. Buy a cake or make it Saturday morning!

nomorebabiesyet · 22/06/2017 16:10

Can you buy 2 fancy cakes and put them on top of each other some how? Like a wedding cake... or have a tower stand and one cake on each level... then go out and enjoy yourself.

BangkokBlues · 22/06/2017 16:12

Skip the hair cut.
Buy the cake.
Enjoy.

NerrSnerr · 22/06/2017 16:14

In all honesty does he need a haircut for a preschool 'graduation'? That sounds like a huge excuse to me.

user1494409994 · 22/06/2017 16:24

A child can still have a photograph done whether it needs a haircut or not. Your manchild husband can get the gift and card because it's his mother. You can either suck it up and make the cake as agreed tonight after you get the kids settled or get hubs to drag his reluctant body to M&S to buy a couple of white iced ones that you decorate in the agreed style. Grow a spine. Life is too short to make such a bloody drama out of this.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/06/2017 16:25

Cheeky fucker. It's HIS mother. You offered to make the cake when you knew you had enough time to do it.

Does he often dictate how you spend your time?

What would happen if you said that dinner or not he's the one sorting the card and present. He's behaving like a dictatorial twat because you're letting him get away with it.

And no, it's not "a mistake" is it? What sort of message could she possibly have sent which made not doing anything and going out for a meal sound like the same sort of thing?

Could you let your MIL know you've only just found out about dinner and you'd love to be there but you want to make a special effort for her cake and can't do both, then see what she says? Chances are she already knows what a flake her son is. If not, please stop covering for him. Your his wife, not his lackey.

unfortunateevents · 22/06/2017 16:25

How complicated was the text saying "we're going out to dinner" for him to misread it that badly?!

Ceto · 22/06/2017 16:26

They can do without the cake, the haircut really isn't a priority (can't you give it a quick trim?) and, having messed up, the present and card are 100% down to your DH. If he can't get them, then he can explain why to his mother.

YoureNotASausage · 22/06/2017 16:26

Haircut and cake are lower priority than showing up.

notanurse2017 · 22/06/2017 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

unfortunateevents · 22/06/2017 16:30

Go and get hair cut as you obviously want to do that. DH needs to buy card. Present comes on Saturday for the party. Bake cake tomorrow, preschool graduation can't take all day. Book eye test for DH's failing eyesight.

CheshireChat · 22/06/2017 16:32

Don't punish your MIL for your DH's lack of organisation.

Refuse to sort it out for him though- so he buys the card, present and the cake and if you're feeling up to it, decorate it. Also I'd make him help you with the cake as well so it doesn't take as long.

He'll be more careful next time.

Trollspoopglitter · 22/06/2017 16:32

Cake is for 60 people and for the actual birthday party. It's OPs gift to her MIL so hardly same as buying a couple of generic cakes from marks.

Skip dinner and phone MIL explaining her son is a twat and you need to do the cake tonight.

Present and card is his responsibility. If he doesn't do it, you can get kids to hand make a card for her party at the weekend.

Chloe84 · 22/06/2017 16:33

M&s does a fully iced tier cake for around £60!

Tell DH he has to sort card and present, either by tonight or in time for party. And he wraps the gift.

terrylene · 22/06/2017 16:33

The card and present are his problem because a. he messed up and b. he is being a rude git about it.

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