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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not go due to short notice

87 replies

kerrygirl85 · 22/06/2017 15:47

It's my mils birthday and my husband told me there were no plans made to do anything today to celebrate it.
He's just rang me now saying he messed up and he mis-read the text and actually we are all going out for dinner tonight. Now I've to get two kids ready and bring one for a haircut as he's graduating preschool tomorrow and his hair really needs a chop badly and then go pick up a present and card cos he couldn't even do that.
On top of that I offered to bake the cake for mils party at the weekend something I do as a hobby so was planning on doing that today so the cake would be fresh for Saturday as I'm going out for my friends birthday tomorrow night after the graduation. AIBU to not go and bake the cake at home like I'd planned whilst they go for dinner other wise it's going to be 10 at night or later before we get home and kids settled before I get to bake it. I know it will look rude if I don't go as it's a big birthday for mil but I'm so annoyed with my husband for dropping me in this. When I told him I hadn't even done the cake yet he told me it was my problem that I offered to do it but wasn't complaining when I saved him a few quid Shock

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 22/06/2017 17:17

I agree with bouncing it all back to him

"I dont have time to do the cake if you want us all to go tonight and I am out tomorrow so you will have to arrange an alternative. I am taking DS for his hair cut, as you know, so you need to sort out a present and card for her as I wont have time."

His fuck up, he solves it. And when this weekend is over I suggest you schedule in a blazing row about his shitty fucking attitude.

youaredeluded · 22/06/2017 17:17

Make you DH sort his own mother's gift and card out though obviously.

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/06/2017 17:20

BUsing a cake is shit because what you're saying to MIL is that while her son fucked up, you still will prioritise going out with your friends to making a cake for her significant birthday party. That would hurt

Why should the OP change her plans because he fucked up though? She had it all organised and he threw the spanner in the works so if anyone is causing hurt to the MIL its him.

And while I agree that these graduations are very silly, loads of places do them now. I have a pic of 4 year old DD in a red cap and gown with "Graduate" on it Hmm...... means bog all in reality but she is very proud of it so I wouldnt have dreamed of acting like it was a pile of shite as it would have upset her.

Original poster
kerrygirl85 · 22/06/2017 17:22

Youaredeluded yes I am fully aware my child isn't really graduating but they wear a cap and gown and there is a ceremony and that is important to me his mother and I am entitled to be proud. If been a drama queen is trying to please everyone I guess then I am

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 22/06/2017 17:23

'When I told him I hadn't even done the cake yet he told me it was my problem that I offered to do it but wasn't complaining when I saved him a few quid shock'

What a twat.

Don't skip the haircut or anything else. Send him with the kids. He buys the card and present.

Trollspoopglitter · 22/06/2017 17:23

Why should the MIL have a crappy cake she could have bought from marks for her party because her son fucked it up? She could have ordered a custom one but the OP volunteered to bake one instead.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/06/2017 17:23

She's not going out with her friends ,she's going out with MIL for her birthday!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/06/2017 17:23

UNless you think she should sack off her friend's graduation party because of her DH's fuck up???

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/06/2017 17:24

Sorry, birthday - feck I need to go to bed!

StormTreader · 22/06/2017 17:25

"as I'm going out for my friends birthday tomorrow night after the graduation."

Did he seem not thrilled with the idea of you going to this?

witsender · 22/06/2017 17:27

Is the party in the evening?

Petal12 · 22/06/2017 17:31

I think I would "misread" his text and text back saying "glad you're sorting present, card and cake, the dcs and I will be along once DC has had his hair cut". I would bake the cake at some other time though but would not be telling him that!!!

StealthPolarBear · 22/06/2017 17:31

My mil would prefer my company to a home baked cake (even if I could bake). I wouldn't even need to ask her.
But it sounds like maybe you don't have the best relationship with her?

Petal12 · 22/06/2017 17:32

Ahhh just reread and he rang you! Maybe you misheard then 😂

HattiesBackpack · 22/06/2017 17:35

This comes down to your relationship with MIL, if you like her then go to dinner. (Explaining why cake will not be made).

Surely your being at the family dinner will be more appreciated than a cake.

The present and card can be sorted by DH.

Nelly5678 · 22/06/2017 17:36

Make your husband get the gift and card on the way to the dinner and go do the child's haircut and prep stuff for the cake so it's just throw it in the oven and decorate when u get back

MissHavishamsleftdaffodil · 22/06/2017 17:40

Have gone into traumatic flashback at the phrase 'preschool graduation' having suffered through one last week. Shudder. Twee as hell, freaked dd out about leaving/school/transition making it a huge big fat hairy deal and she burst into floods of tears, and a lot of arsing about coaxing preschoolers to put black gowns on never mind get them to pose. Many refused having no idea what was going on and wanting to get back to sand/water and common sense. Bloody stupid idea, when ds gets old enough I'll keep him off that day.

Hattie nails it really: can you ring her and say your son is a twit, I want to make your cake so I'm sorry I won't be there tonight, will see you this weekend?

Fluffyears · 22/06/2017 17:41

'It's your problem!' I'd reply 'No it's now yours as there will be no cake so you better buy one and also have you got YOUR mother a present and card' it's his problem not yours.

DonaldStott · 22/06/2017 17:41

How is your relationship with her usually? It sounds to me you don't really want to go so the haircut etc is a convenient excuse.

This ^

Oh, and your husband sounds like a dick

thatdearoctopus · 22/06/2017 17:43

Lost me at "pre-school graduation." WTF? Hmm

but they wear a cap and gown and there is a ceremony Shock REALLY???? That's insane.

and that is important to me his mother and I am entitled to be proud. Erm, what is there, exactly, to be "proud" of? He's gone to playgroup and got older?

Clandestino · 22/06/2017 17:44

If been a drama queen is trying to please everyone I guess then I am

No. Trying to please everyone (else except yourself) is about being a martyr, a feature not unknown among women.
Fuck it. Buy the cake, get the haircut done for your son (even though, how important is it if they are wearing a cap, that's kind of a saving grace, isn't it), stop stressing and stand up to your DH. TBH, if my DH told me anything like that at the same time as announcing that he misread the text, he wouldn't be alive for long.

Iamastonished · 22/06/2017 17:45

How long is a haircut for a four year old going to take? 20 mins max? Time to have a hair cut and eat out.

Xmasbaby11 · 22/06/2017 17:46

Lol preschool graduating!

Cancel the hair cut and buy a cake.

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/06/2017 18:15

"then go pick up a present and card cos he couldn't even do that."
That begs the question - couldn't or wouldn't?

No, it is his mess to fix.

I would continue with the plans I'd already made - haircut and make the cake. That picture of your son will be around for years, I wouldn't want to be looking at it and feeling resentful every time, for not being able to get him a haircut because of your husband's general uselessness. And I suspect it is general uselessness, rather than this being a one-off incident? Am I right, kerrygirl85?

I'd also text your MIL an apology for missing the meal, her son's fault for telling you there were no plans for tonight but you knew she'd prefer you to be getting her cake ready for the party. And he will just have to get her a present and a card. It's his mother, he should have been doing that anyway.

Original poster
kerrygirl85 · 22/06/2017 19:00

No you're right this isn't the first time he's forgotten to tell me plans and normally I'm pretty much accommodating but I've pretty much reminded him all week to get your Mum a present and a birthday card. I wouldn't mind I even threw him a few suggestions and had I been in the shops aside from grocery shopping I would have picked up something. Even a few weeks ago I mentioned something about MILs birthday and was told it was nothing to do with me

OP posts:
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