To not go due to short notice

[kerrygirl85]

It's my mils birthday and my husband told me there were no plans made to do anything today to celebrate it.
He's just rang me now saying he messed up and he mis-read the text and actually we are all going out for dinner tonight. Now I've to get two kids ready and bring one for a haircut as he's graduating preschool tomorrow and his hair really needs a chop badly and then go pick up a present and card cos he couldn't even do that.
On top of that I offered to bake the cake for mils party at the weekend something I do as a hobby so was planning on doing that today so the cake would be fresh for Saturday as I'm going out for my friends birthday tomorrow night after the graduation. AIBU to not go and bake the cake at home like I'd planned whilst they go for dinner other wise it's going to be 10 at night or later before we get home and kids settled before I get to bake it. I know it will look rude if I don't go as it's a big birthday for mil but I'm so annoyed with my husband for dropping me in this. When I told him I hadn't even done the cake yet he told me it was my problem that I offered to do it but wasn't complaining when I saved him a few quid

Don't punish MIL for DH lack of organisation

^^ this. With bells on.

How is your relationship with her usually? It sounds to me you don't really want to go so the haircut etc is a convenient excuse.

Also, graduating preschool? hehe

*three tier cake. I think it has to be ordered though.

I would take kid for haircut.
Bounce the card and present issue back to husband - he needs to sort out on way home from work.
Plus he goes and buys enough of the fanciest cakes that he can get his hands on - if thats 5 or 6 of tesco's finest to take to the party this weekend then that's what he does.
All the fuckups are laid squarely at his door tonight when you are enjoying dinner and regaling the story of how he only just told you about dinner in the first place a few hours ago and how as a result you can't make your usual fabulous cake for the party.
(And I would make MIL a smaller nicer cake to have after the weekend when I have time to do it)

Let your DH sort out a card a present if he wants to bring those. His mother, he sorts it, you're not his PA. He can take personal time from work if he has to.

If you feel you have to be at the dinner, I'd buy a cake if you've run out of time because your DH screwed up. OTW, just send your child with your DH. Tell your MIL her darling son didn't tell you there was a dinner tonight; you just thought there was a party Saturday, and tonight is the only time you have to make her a cake.

Don't get the card and present. What are you, his PA?

In fact, I just wouldn't go.

Graduating preschool? This is even a thing?
Leave the haircut, tell DH to do the present-buying, either buy a cake or start on it now instead of the haircut & finish later.

I would call MIL myself (don't go through DH) and explain that he has just told you about the plans and that he misread a text (yea, right!)

Explain that you have other commitments you cannot get out of, or tell her you are making her cake if it isn't a surprise. Take DS for his haircut. DO NOT BUY THE PRESENT and do not go to the meal. Just spend the time making the cake. I would probably also say to MIL on the phone, "I don't even know what DH has got you for your birthday!!" tinkly laugh.

Do not give in to the wifework.

Oh, and don't tell DH you are calling MIL, just do it.

I agree with other posters. You have a "My DH is a tosser" problem.

Unless your DH actually pays you a salary to be his assistant I don't know why you are picking up all his slack?

DH should sort the gift and card. If you have no other time to bake then you could be honest with MIL that you can no longer bake due to DH's error and ask DH to buy a cake.

YABU about the haircut and "graduation" for a pre school photo / thing!

yikes. Is graduating pre-school a thing now?

Op, go and enjoy the meal. DH can bake the cake at 10pm tonight, which will give you time to ice it.

Clearly the birthday itself is not a surprise so not having a card and present ready for today is bad planning by the ops husband.

It's your call, but I'd ditch the hair cut, graduating is something your kid is going to do a lot if you are counting preschool into it (yes, I know they call it that. My child did the whole bit with throwing their mortar board in the air - guess what dd wouldn't do it! So it really was a non issue for me).

I'd buy a cake, a bloody lovely one, actually if it needs to feed 60 I;d get a couple of real biggies from M and S! I'd say I saw it in the bakery and just had to have it. I'd go out for dinner, it's lovely, nice food and have a great evening.

I'd definitely rather go out to dinner than bake a cake!

Yes I would be phoning MIL directly and apologising that DH has only told you now about tonight's plans, and that when you asked him previously he said there was nothing on tonight till he realised he'd "read the text wrong" a couple of hours ago...
Explain you have other things that have to be done tonight, then do what you had planned tonight and let lazy DH sort out the present and card and take the kids with him tonight if he likes.

What nice shops have you got nearby that you could get a good gift from?

Or could you buy a voucher off the internet for a fabbo cream tea at a local posh hotel?

You should go.

But:

The haircut is really not that important. He is finishing preschool . It is not a major graduation with a photo that will be on the mantelpiece for decades.

Your dh must take responsibility for the present and the card. His screw-up and his mother -> his job.

As for the cake, how long does it take to bake cake? (Rhetorical, I bake so I know.) You should be able to find a few 1.5-2h slots for baking between now and Saturday. If not, then buy plain cakes from the supermarket and decorate them yourself.

Dump the cake-baking and go for dinner instead.
Bloody cheek!

OP's DH can find a nice nearby shop or an internet voucher...

I can't understand people expecting her to make good his fuck up about not caring about how own mother's birthday. Especially if it's a big birthday as she says!

Same applies to "don't make her suffer because he's useless". If the OP can't make dinner, because she's making the cake - which is more effort on her part while the useless DH does nothing - that's on him, not her.

I think your MIL would prefer your company on today, her actual birthday as opposed to having a cake for the weekend. Bounce that straight back at DH and send him to M & S or Waitrose for a cake and make him pay - and he can get the card and present while he's at it. It's not your MIL that's the issue, it's him.

If I've read correctly, it's a 'big' birthday and MIL is having a party on Saturday? In which case you would have presumably been taking a present to the party? I'm assuming the meal tonight is the actual birthday. Can't you simply say you'll be bringing present (which your H will be buying) to the party?

you sounds like your looking for approval to not attend the Meal tonight... if this is the case.. don't go.. make your excuses and do the things you feel you need to do x

Bloody cheek was meant for the husband, btw, not the MIL.
He HAS got a cheek - he should be sorting the card, the present and NOW the cake as well.

BUsing a cake is shit because what you're saying to MIL is that while her son fucked up, you still will prioritise going out with your friends to making a cake for her significant birthday party. That would hurt

Buying

Graduating preschool?!? Wtf even is this? Do you mean it is your child's last day at preschool? You do realise they are not graduating really don't you? On this basis you sound like someone who makes a big deal and drama over everything. I bet this is just one in a big long line of dramas for you. Just get your act together and go. Stop being a drama queen.