Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask your advice on wether it's worth taking my Neighbours from hell to court?

658 replies

Totallyattheendofmyrope · 21/06/2017 21:04

I've had threads on here about my neighbours from hell.
We've been threatened, sworn at harassed and our visitors harassed.
We have involved the police who initially wanted to issue a harassment order against said neighbours but were overruled by their superior officer who said " it never ends well in neighbour disputes" Confused
The actual abuse has reduced significantly though we still endure low level harassment.
I'm keeping notes etc as recommended by the police.
I've pushed for mediation and have met with the mediator however neighbours are stalling and I doubt very much they will attend.
Currently the favourite form of harassment is to park their vehicles to make it quite difficult for me to park. I can get in and I can get out but I do dread weekends and I dread coming home as I'm always so anxious about what they will have done and will I be able to get in ok etc.
I have checked my deeds and they are blocking my "easement ' and it states in the deeds that no one is allowed to do anything to hinder another's ingress and egress.
Currently the neighbours are freely enjoying and utilising the easement I honour and provide them with on my land.
So- Aibu to consider starting legal proceedings or am I just feeding into their crazy?
What would you do?

OP posts:
terrylene · 28/06/2017 17:08

They do seem very desperate Hmm

I have an iffy 'neighbour' and it is hard work not to be backfooted by their craziness into looking batshit myself. Fortunately mine have lain low for the last year or so but there is no knowing when they will pop up again Sad

KOKO Flowers

Dottyblue2 · 28/06/2017 17:11

I have a bat shit NDN who stops random strangers in cars to bad mouth me. The only thing you can do with these people is to give them enough rope and they eventually hang themselves (metaphorically speaking, obvs)

Original poster
Totallyattheendofmyrope · 28/06/2017 17:33

So... the mediator just called. Apparently female neighbour is to busy at the moment with building work but will aim to be available in the week beginning the 10th.
Apparently up for discussion is my ishoo with their parking (apparently that's why we're going to mediation), she said she's been to a solicitor.

I don't want to throw the towel in at this point but she's really taking the piss

OP posts:
Original poster
Totallyattheendofmyrope · 28/06/2017 17:34

The mediator also asked me to stop taking photos and recordings ffs

Victim blaming much?

OP posts:
MsMims · 28/06/2017 17:46

Don't stop recording. If it kicks off (God forbid) you need the evidence, especially given the lackadaisical approach the police have already taken.

Do the neighbours know you're recording or is it covert?

kali110 · 28/06/2017 18:04

Do not atop recording!
Do not stop photos!
If you do you will have no evidence.
If they fonanything to you, they know you will have nothing to back it up ( but there's no reason for you to tell them that you agree....they may trip themselves up if they think you are no longer recording...)

Sedona123 · 28/06/2017 18:16

Is it the same mediator who witnessed their vile behaviour recently? Bloody hell! Was that the mediator's request or the neighbour's?

Anyway, there's no way you should even consider stopping your cctv, ever. I dread to think what the twat would do if they knew that you were no longer filming. The photos you could eventually stop if they ever stop their twatty parking.

If the request is from the neighbours, maybe tell the mediator that you have been advised to continue with the cctv and photos until this issue is resolved.

Original poster
Totallyattheendofmyrope · 28/06/2017 18:19

Up until recently the photographing has been covert. I never wanted them to see me as I didn't want to be provocative.
After the last incident where the grandfather called me a "fucking bitch" my dh put cameras up the next day. Immediately test neighbours called the police to complain- same day.
Unfortunately 1 day last week wife saw me take a photo- again she called the mediator to complain.
So now they know I photograph - not that it's done me any good really

OP posts:
Original poster
Totallyattheendofmyrope · 28/06/2017 18:21

I just had a call from the mediator.
She has pulled out of mediation.
Not a surprise really.

OP posts:
kali110 · 28/06/2017 18:28

Thats it then.
Go take this further.
You have done everything asked of you.
You even agreed to mediation.
Enough is enough.

Redsippycup · 28/06/2017 18:36

I don't understand how the police want you to de-escalate? You haven't done anything to antagonise them! The only thing you could stop doing is filming / photos but that would potentially put you in danger if they feel able to be threatening as you won't have any evidence.

Do you mean by making your parking area larger you risk the middle neighbours parking on your side of their house rather than crazy neighbour's side?

scaryclown · 28/06/2017 18:39

ASBO using long term harassment.
Condition being they must not disrupt access as this makes you 'feel harassed'
ASBOs rely very much more than the law does on what you feel to be true.

Original poster
Totallyattheendofmyrope · 28/06/2017 18:45

Red- yes about the parking

I have been videoing and photographing covertly because the police told me to!!

I'm going to compose an email to the police officer who first came out and copy in the psco.
What should I say?

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 28/06/2017 19:26

wow i have no idea. just Flowers and i'd feel the same as you. well done for behaving with dignity in the face of extreme twattishness.

kali110 · 28/06/2017 20:27

That you have complied with everything even agreeing to see a mediator, yet it is getting worse and impacting on your mental health.

Redsippycup · 28/06/2017 21:09

I don't know. Sorry.

I think i would want to include words like harassment, intimidation, anti-social, threatening.

You really need to use the 'trigger' words that will make them take you seriously (like saying 'safeguarding' to a school) but i don't know what they are Sad

kali110 · 28/06/2017 21:18

I think i would want to include words like harassment, intimidation, anti-social, threatening.
This

laureywilliams · 28/06/2017 21:59

How could it have been worse?

Say they'd keyed your car. At least that would be definitely criminal and if you had that on cctv the police would act. And you may be closer to resolving.

Your current approach doesn't sound effective. Like telling your child to "just ignore" the bullies at school. Not effective. It all sounds awful. Huge sympathy.

Original poster
Totallyattheendofmyrope · 28/06/2017 22:11

I know what you're saying Laurey...it would have been positively gratifying in some ways to just say fuck it and fight fire with fire ... but I have a dd here who I want to model good behaviour too.
I feel as soon as you've lost your temper you've lost the fight.
I'm very assertive.
I suspect our crazy neighbours have misinterpreted my restraint as weakness but I'm not weak.
However that said, I think my chosen approach has run its course and it's definitely time to chose a new path... I'm just not sure what that should be.
Thank you all for your support and comments 💐

OP posts:
YouDancin · 29/06/2017 00:23

She pulled out of the mediation? wow did she say why?
You must be past despairing. good plan with the email. Emphasise how aggressive they are and how much they are disrupting your peaceful life. The shits!

MintyChops · 29/06/2017 05:00

God OP what a nightmare. Did the mediator say why she was pulling out? Sounds really odd (not doubting that this happened).

MargotMoon · 29/06/2017 05:49

Fuck it, OP. Just park on the road. Life's too short! Yes, keep recording the incidents of abuse and harassment but take away their 'game' and they'll get bored.

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 29/06/2017 12:16

I really don't think getting involved with mediation etc is the way to go - one, because you're showing the nutcases that they're bothering you, giving them the kick they obviously crave and two, I don't think it'll ever get anywhere but add to your stress.

I know I keep saying it, but the ONLY way to get out of this is to get your own access, either via the council (well done for writing to them about it btw) or simply by using wooden wedges to get up the kerb and onto your drive that way. I can't stress enough how lucky you are that you have this option. Imagine just being totally hemmed in by them!

Officially creating (or just makeshift using) your own access will be a triumphant moment for you. I can't imagine what goes on in the heads of people who can actually be bothered to rearrange cars, raining or not, simply to annoy another person. It's insanity at it's finest.

I'm so sorry you're going through this :(

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 29/06/2017 12:20

Just to add to the above; if the council say that you can't have that access made officially, I wouldn't give up there. I'd take it to the head of planning, explaining what's exactly going on and why you need it so desperately. They surely have some obligation to listen to reason and not just automatically refuse.

I've seen many houses where the drive is separated from the dropped kerb by a strip of ordinary grass maintained by the council, whole roads like that and the drives are just tarmaced over the grass part, so the grass verge is interrupted all the way down the road by peoples drives if you see what I mean? I'll draw a diagram if you can't see it from my description. They must have many houses like this if you take the council area as a whole.

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 29/06/2017 12:23

So sorry, more to add lol ... my husband is saying that you can argue to the council that it's almost a design fault in the first place if the council say no.