AIBU to think 37 isn't too old for a 3rd DC?

[GingerHair02]

Hiya

My first child was born when I was 29. I have always wanted a 4 year age gap, so the DC would be at school. I am 33 and have just had my second 2 months ago. We were lucky we got the age gap we wanted and I do know that.

I plan on another 4 years for the 3rd but if it doesn't happen, that okay and I'd rather have the 2 we have than another DC less than 4 years from now.

DH is claiming I'll be too old at 37!! and we should start trying "soon"! Our second is only 2 months!

AIBU to think 37 isn't too old?

I am sure I would have had more DCs if started earlier I do think declining fertility at 35 definitely in my case is mother natures way of saying hang on are you sure you and your body want this and. Can cope with it etc.

In your situation I would either stick at two or compromise on a shorter age gap.

My Mum had me (an only child) at 37 (Dad was 42)! So definitely not took old. I did notice that my parents were a bit older than the olther kids' at school but it's never been a problem. I'm 28 and due to give birth in August, and they are still young enough to enjoy their first grandchild.

I am sure I would have had more DCs if started earlier I do think declining fertility at 35 definitely in my case is mother natures way of saying hang on are you sure you and your body want this and. Can cope with it etc.

Except for many many women that isn't the case. What is "mother nature" saying to them? And is she speaking via Daily Fail scare stories or proper scientific journals/books such as those by Lesley Regan which show a decline but not a terrifying one.
Additionally historically women have kept going into their early 40s - its first babies in 30s-40s which are a new thing.

There is also a whole lot of internal misogyny around when women are 'too old' and if in doubt read stuff by serious often female and not sponsored by any right wing leaning companies or ones with a vested interest eg pregnancy test firms medical experts.

I had my first at 39 and second at 41. Yes I am now one of the older mums at the school gates, but does that matter? I don't think so....

I am 38 and would cry if you handed me a new born baby. I don't have the same energy as I did when I had my first at 30. I also agree with newbian. Life gets complicated and busier the older they get.

Newtothis but not everyone is like that and no, life doesn't always get more complicated - many many people are more able to cope with the complications and are more stable.

I was too ill and not in a good place in my 20s to early 30s.

I'm now able to be a working mum with a toddler.

I don't go giving universal answers based on my own strengths, weaknesses and unique circumstances.

Having worked with many many families in my life, the older mums often seem confident and secure (just as most of the younger mums do). I keep in touch and they are NOT at death's door when their kids are adults ... actually at that point the difference between 55 and 60 doesn't seem as acute as 32 and 37.

1st at 28
2nd at 37

No problems!

Oh And by the way I wouldn't say I was an older mum either compared to his classmates

Well, it wasn't too old for my first....!

Not too old at all.

But I agree with whoever said the age gap between oldest and youngest might be an issue.

I have 8.5 years between oldest and youngest, not planned, but the way life worked out (fertility issues between dc1 and dc2).

It's a hard age gap. 4 years between 2 DC is fine, but 8 + years across 3 will effectively be like running two families.

Mine are 13, 7 and 4 now and I can promise you that juggling the needs of them all is bloody hard. Almost no activities that suit all of them at once, so managing holidays is impossible, and trying to help a stressed out secondary school age child with homework when the 4yo is being loud and screechy and hyper ain't fun. I do often feel that ds1 would have had a much nicer life (and a better relationship with the 7yo) if we'd never had dc3. Not that I'd be without Dc3 for the world, you understand, but...it's hard.

Just something to think about op but in answer to your question, 37 would not be too old at all.

Squiza - In my own personal experience which is what the OP asked for 'SQ' it took us a goodly while to conceive. The fertility doctor at hospital told me fertility declines quite noticeably from 35 for most women 'not the Daily Fail' 'moral panics in the media' etc and how knackered I feel. I have a degree and wondered myself whether that was why it took me awhile to conceive. So at my age I had plenty of time to decide if at my at my age I could handle it. We tried for a goodly while and I love my DC's to bits but I am so knackered most of the time and give them my all that the tiredness is a killer as they get older. I have also developed a couple of health conditions in my 40's which doubly knacker me.

As said that is my experience I have a work colleague who had her 2nd unplanned baby with a new partner at 41, she is less knackered than me (as she doesn't have the same health issues and is nearly three years younger than me. But by her own admission she is much more knackered with her second compared to how she felt with her first at 34.

We are all different you might be fine as others have said. My MIL had 4 years between each of her 3 children and they are not very close as DH was at Uni while his little DS was 10 and still at primary.

But it takes all kinds to make a world.

I do agree, to some extent, about the fertility decline.

But I don't agree that it falls of a cliff or whatever, aged 35 onwards

Everyone will have a different experience

Up until a year ago, my only experience was that of falling pregnant straight away, aged 34 & 37.

Work colleagues of mine aged 25 and 30, both took over 18 months to conceive, which they did naturally in the end (no issues discovered after many investigations)

Now it's nearly been 1 year of TTC aged 38- I'm finding this abnormal & worrying that something is majorly wrong and not putting it down to my age per se

This is all based on my previous experience of conceiving.

I work full time, have a 3 year old and feel very ready for baby number 2 at the age of almost 39! (Was equally ready this time last year, but a MMC messed up those plans!)

I think you have to be aware of the age gap between oldest and youngest. My oldest is 8 and youngest is 1 and as others have said trying to plan days out/holidays where all three children will have something to do is harder. The oldest wants to be able to go places that are just not suitable for a 1 year old and be able to do husband homework in peace without a toddler trying to attack/jump on him or screech at him.

Age is up to you I wouldn't personally have children so late but we all live different lives, elder help will tail off with them being older themselves as well. My inlaws are 15 years older than my parents and the difference is noticeable between what they can do with the dgc. My mil is really not able to deal with the baby stage of children anymore (she's too tired) which is going to be interesting as her other child is only just going into baby making stage of their life.

His homework not husband homework bloody phone.

My DH had his first at 38

Well, I had DS4 a few weeks before my 44th birthday.
No problems with conception, pregnancy or delivery.

BUT - this is not a question anybody can answer for you.
It is too personal and there is no denying the increased risks etc.
Also, there's no possible compromise here: you either try for another baby, or you don't.

Your DH and you will need to talk it out.

Had 5th at 38 and 10 months. Easiest pregnancy and birth out of all of them .

I had my second at 43, no problems at all. Having a baby at 43 was pretty easy but having a 5 year old at 48, that was more of a challenge! It was worth it though. Good luck

And conceived in 1st month of trying.

I had my first at 29 and my 2nd at 37 (planned big gap)
My mum had her 1st at 35, her 4th at 45.
TTC took longer for us for no.2 which we put down a bit to age and a bit down to dh's fitness (or lack of)
Pregnancy was slightly more wearing at 37 but easier because I knew what I was doing and I think I was more relaxed due to life experience.

I had my 5th at 37 and I was a bit more tired than the other pregnancys but all was fine.

Course not my DPs parents had him at 41

Meh, had DC2 at 39

First at 33, second at nearly 36. I am one of the younger mothers in DD1's class and pretty average in DD2's.

My mum had me at 39. I was 3rd. So nope.