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AIBU?

To ask what age you had your DC and whether in hindsight would you have had them earlier/younger?

136 replies

EllaBellax · 21/06/2017 13:27

DH and I are keen to start a family. Keen to hear from others who have been there and done it what they would now consider the 'perfect age' to have DC Grin

OP posts:
Palegreenstars · 21/06/2017 13:39

Someone told me if you wait for the right time to have kids you never will.

I had my first at 30. First of our friends which makes for its own challenges. But it's hard to look back once they are here. I couldn't imagine doing it another way.

Financially we can't afford two in nursery full time so if we were lucky enough to have a second there will likely be a bigger gap. Which is not something I really considered before hand.

ShelaghTurner · 21/06/2017 13:40

I was 36 and 40 when I had mine. Had been married 7 years when I decided I was ready to have kids and luckily I got pregnant very quickly. But in hindsight I absolutely would have done it earlier. I would have loved a third but felt too old.

MrsKoala · 21/06/2017 13:43

I was 35, 37, 39. I would have preferred to have been 30,32,34.

GreatBigPolarBear · 21/06/2017 13:44

Good question. I was the first of my friends at 27, then next one at 30.
I sometimes think I'd be a better parent if I'd had them now at 35 and I'd have known a bit more about babies and children! But maybe I wouldn't know all that if I hadn't had them!

VerityHabitat · 21/06/2017 13:46

First at 35. I wish I had waited longer. DH is older and was ready, I should have plowed a few more years into my career.

WhooooAmI24601 · 21/06/2017 13:47

I had DS1 at 24 and DS2 at 29. I'm 35 now and love the ages we all are; my career didn't take a hit, either, having them in my twenties, and we have a very lovely work/life balance going on. Wouldn't change a second of it.

The only real difference I find being in my thirties is that I'm more patient. In my twenties I was rush, rush, rush almost wishing their baby years away because I wanted to do everything. Now I'm older I wish I'd slowed down a little more and really enjoyed them being tiny.

JigsawBat · 21/06/2017 13:48
  1. Waited for what I felt was the perfect time, and I believe we got it just right. It's not about age, though, but circumstance.
gemdrop84 · 21/06/2017 13:52

First at 24, second at 28. Now due to go to uni to start nursing, dc are 8 and 4 so in school. Think I've done this life thing a bit backwards?! [grins] Don't think there is a perfect age really. I have friends who have had their first at 16-18 and others recently at 32.

GreenHillsOfHome · 21/06/2017 13:52

if you wait for the right time to have kids you never will

This.

There will always be a wedding next year that you don't want to be fat for. Or an amazing holiday you want to go on. Or a garage extension that needs doing first, or a bigger car or redecorating the house or a promotion coming up. I know a fair few people who waited years for the perfect time then regretted not just doing it sooner.

Anyway, I had mine at 21, 23 and 30. Perfect for us and now we're done.

Defuzzing · 21/06/2017 13:53

I think it is more about the right cicumstances than the right age. We could have have had our kids in our early twenties but we had them in oyr early 30's. We wouldn't had enough to comfortably support, have a good place to live, we wanted to get our education and establish our careers, enjoy time alone together, travel etc. Some of this we could have thrown caution to the wind about but we're glad we waited. We can provide a much more stable upbringing for our kids now than when we were younger. It is a personal decision that you should both decide together.

IWantABlueBanana · 21/06/2017 13:54

22, 24 and 27.

I don't think there's a perfect age as such. I probably wasn't really ready at 22, was still rather impatient. Now 30, and have the patience of a saint but they tire me easier now.

MissWilmottsGhost · 21/06/2017 13:56

Started ttc at 31. Had DD at 39 after 8 years of fertility treatment and many pregnancy losses.

I still think 31 is probably the best age to have a first child.

But 39 is pretty good too Wink

CMOTDibbler · 21/06/2017 13:56
  1. Worked great - my career was totally established as was DHs which has given us a lot more flexibility.
BigDamnHero · 21/06/2017 14:01

I was 25 and 27 and haven't ever regretted it or wished I'd had them earlier/later.

AreWeThereYet000 · 21/06/2017 14:06

First unplanned at 22, 2nd planned at 26. I wouldn't have had my first so early - although I wouldn't change him I wasn't ready. By 26 I had grown up, own a house, good position in my career and more settled in general. I'm the only one in my friendship group with children (friends range from 25-30, I'm 26) they are much more mature now and get involved with the kids where we when I had my first they were wanting to live their life. But I don't think any time is perfect there is always pros and cons x

InDubiousBattle · 21/06/2017 14:08

34 when I had ds and 36 when I had dd(dp is the same age). I suppose the benefits to us were that dp's job was secure and well paid, we'd got a lot of socialising/eating out/generally enjoying ourselves out of our systems and i'd had the opportunity to start and progress my own business (something we couldn't afford to do our late 20s). I sometimes wish we'd had them a bit earlier. I want a third and dp doesn't- I think he might be talked round if we had time for a bigger gap between 2nd and 3rd.........but maybe not.

alltouchedout · 21/06/2017 14:12

There is no perfect age.

I had ds1 at 24, in hindsight, we probably should have waited a couple of years, but not because of my age per se.

I had ds2 at 27- this was the easiest pregnancy of the three, easiest birth and easiest baby! Doubt that's down to my age at the time though.

I had ds3 at 33- it was hard. Very, very hard. I was working full time in a demanding role, I had two children already, the pregnancy was totally unplanned and physically and emotionally it was incredibly difficult. The birth was bloody challenging as well, but ds3 was not the most demanding baby of the three.

LikeSilver · 21/06/2017 14:19

26 and 29; DH was 31 and 34. We were the first of our friends although our babies were planned. I'm glad we did it relatively early. I'll probably be working until I die so at least the break won't have a huge impact on my career Hmm

Yorkshirebornandbred · 21/06/2017 14:23

I had my first at 24, my third at 38. I had more energy with my first, the sleepless nights weren't as bad, but less patience. With my third I had endless patience and enjoyed her more, but the night feeds almost finished me off! I'd say go for it when you feel like it!

Mari50 · 21/06/2017 14:24

I had DD at 36, secondary infertility means that I didn't have any more.
I don't think I'd have wanted to have children any younger, the only aspect of having a child that I'd change is the father I picked.

beachdream · 21/06/2017 14:25

I was a few weeks off 27 when dd was born and 29 when ds was born. Dd was a surprise but I'm glad I had her then- im 31 now, had my dc and career getting back on track now youngest is 2. I feel like I now have plenty of time to work on my career which I had only just begun when dd was born and is important to me

Tokelau · 21/06/2017 14:27

26 and 29. DH is two years older than me. I wish we had waited longer. I had only been working a few years and wish I had gone further in my career before having children. I would have preferred to have them in my early or mid thirties.

I was a bit afraid to wait too long as my mother and her mother both had problems with infertility and only had one child each, although they wanted more. My grandmother suffered a lot, in the 1930s she had a number of miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy. I was very lucky to become pregnant relatively easily compared to them.

Pickerel · 21/06/2017 14:27

I had mine at 31, 33 and 35 and that was perfect for me.

Late enough so that DH and I had lots of time together just as a couple, and for me to build up my career to a point which made it easy to return after taking a few years out as a SAHM. But not too late so we had no problems getting pregnant (obviously I realise that can happen at any age if you are unlucky).

boobuzz · 21/06/2017 14:27

I was 25. I felt very young at the time, but am now really pleased I had him when I did. Not many of my friends had children, which was tough. I'm pleased that I still have lots of time left to do things for me. DS gave my life a sense of purpose, and through having him I've figured out who I am. I was a bit lost before.

Now at 33 I don't think I'll ever have another. I'm happy with it just being me and DS, and I'm not sure I could do it now (plus I'm happily single).

boobuzz · 21/06/2017 14:28

I really don't think there is a "perfect" age. It's down to the individual /couple.

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