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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Me, DP and Birth Control

104 replies

FakePlantsOnly · 20/06/2017 12:40

I recently had the birth control implant removed because I was getting two periods a month, I had tried having a new one fitted as my GP didn't know whether it was me or because the implant was coming to the end of its life.

I've since gone on to the pill, Celeste to be precise and have noticed that despite being just as active and eating just as well as I normally do, I'm putting on weight and really struggling to shift it; I had previously lost just under three stone and was finally in a place where I was happy with the way I looked, now I've put back on the best part of a stone and cannot get rid of it for love nor money. I mentioned this to DP and said that I was thinking about coming off of the pill because I can't deal with the weight gain and the mental state that then puts me in and said that after doing a lot of research I don't really want to have to take anything as I think it's the change in hormones causing all the issues; DP's first response was to become irate about the fact that this was massively going to affect our sex life and that he felt I was being selfish.

I guess I'm asking AIBU by not wanting it to be my responsibility as when it is I'm the one that has to deal with the changes that happen to my body not him, I've gained weight, my skin is breaking out more than ever and it's tearing my self esteem to pieces.

Any advice?

OP posts:
BendydickCuminsnatch · 20/06/2017 18:17

As Polly said upthread, go natural! Do the 'rhytmn method'. I'm sure it might be seen as 'irresponsible' to advise this but it's worked perfectly for us for 7 ish years, both for avoiding babies and when TTC. Conceived 2 kids first cycle so we're pretty fertile, it wasn't just luck avoiding a pregnancy.
I hate the thought of having a foreign body inside me and hormonal doesn't work for me. Tracking your cycle can be very effective but might take some time before you get to know your cycle and want to ditch a backup contraception (ie condoms) and trust it fully.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 20/06/2017 18:30

Thanks @MargaretCavendish I agree and had assumed about no. 2 and you've confirmed my worries about no. 1. Thank you.

OP another option you might consider is a slightly more formal version of the rhythm method is the Natural Cycles app which allows you to track your fertile days and comes highly regarded.

www.google.co.uk/amp/www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/2017/02/09/mobile-app-replaces-pill-approved-contraceptive/amp/

However, contraception aside, your DPs attitude is far more concerning as he seems to think you are a inflatable sex doll and shows concern over your happiness and wellbeing. Those are HUGE red flags and I would genuinely give thought to whether you want to be in a relationship with someone who obviously doesn't give a damn about you.

mm12Mm · 20/06/2017 20:23

LisaSimpsonsbff you should look at the Marquette method of nfp it uses a clear blue fertility monitor and means less abstaining than other methods. For the opp this is the more expensive method so creighton method might be better as it costs nothing.

CarrotFingers · 20/06/2017 20:49

That's really interesting MargaretCavendish

Phoebefromfriends · 20/06/2017 21:09

Contraception is a joint venture and his attitude is appalling, a massive red flag and probably shows his real attitude towards you and women in general.

Ollivander84 · 20/06/2017 21:17

My friend uses the nuva ring and loves it, and has previously had bad problems with the pill so may be worth looking at

I'm on my second copper coil, no DC. Fitting was painful for literally a second - I had local anaesthetic gel, went "fuc..." And never finished saying the word because it was done! Like one huge period cramp
Periods last a day longer, mine were always heavy but aren't any heavier with it

TheDogAteMyGoatskinVellum · 20/06/2017 21:24

What did he say OP?

MrsJBaptiste · 20/06/2017 21:25

Everyone always says "just use condoms" but do you all actually enjoy sex as much using them than without? I think they're awful, you have to break off to stick one on and then it doesn't feel the same at all than without one.

I was on the pill for 25 years and loved it. Periods regular as clockwork (literally to the hour) and you could avoid a period on holiday by taking 2 packets back to back. I'm going to be gutted to get my period on holiday this year now OH has had the snip!

dementedpixie · 20/06/2017 21:30

Take norethisterone to delay your period

Thefuryroad · 20/06/2017 21:44

Have you tried other pills? The mini pill could work for you.

Also the copper coil or Mirena, which gives a small dose of progesterone.

I have huge problems with contraception, can't take any hormones (tried them all) and copper coil made me bleed so heavily the coil came out (sorry TMI). I used to take my BBT (basal body temperature) every morning and chart my fertility, then use condoms only around my fertile time. This works amazingly well BUT you have to be religious about it, do it properly etc. It worked beautifully for me for several years but I got lazy and ended up with an unplanned pregnancy.

LurpakIstheOnlyButter · 20/06/2017 21:56

I love my copper coil. All hormones made me fat. I am naturally Slim and have never put on weight apart from with hormonal birth control

reetgood · 20/06/2017 22:29

@mrsjbaptiste condoms have been my main method of birth control, since I became sexually actively. Probably my generation but I had it drilled in to me that hormonal contraception was not protection against sexually transmitted diseases such as gonorrhoea and chlamydia. Condoms offer better protection. So up until my early twenties I'd never had sex without a condom. There's various methods of application which make it less of an interruption. And now, being in a long term relationship where we're not using contraception currently....I don't notice that much difference. My partner might but then there's more to having sex than vaginal penetration, and other ways to enjoy oneself.

notthebackdoordear · 20/06/2017 22:53

DH and I use condoms exclusively because of same issues. He says he can't tell the difference and I get no gungy mess at the end Blush winner happy days!

IamalsoSpartacus · 20/06/2017 23:13

I've had a very positive experience of Mirena. Had it fitted to deal with heavy painful periods, the fitting was no more painful than a period and it settled very quickly. I get it put in by family planning clinics who fit a lot of them, they don't faff about. On my third now, love them. Gave me my life back.

I suspect people are more likely to share bad experiences so the sample isn't necessarily representative.

It's quite expensive, that's why they ask you to keep it in for a while and let it settle.

Wallywobbles · 21/06/2017 06:49

Im very happy with my current copper coil. All coils are not equal though.

Loopytiles · 21/06/2017 06:52

Men not wanting to use condoms is a feminist issue!

Original poster
FakePlantsOnly · 21/06/2017 06:58

We discussed it last night and I told him that the comments he'd made upset me and I found them hurtful and he said that was never his intention, he's just never liked condoms and felt that I might be being a little quick to make the decision to come off of some kind of hormone all together and that I might need to give my body more time to adjust.

Once I'd sat an explained the way it was making me feel he said he was sorry for jumping to conclusions and that together we'll do whatever I feel is best for me as I'm the one that has to live with the side effects.

We sat and looked at all the birth control options the NHS provide and have both agreed that while speaking to my GP is the best thing, the implant is off the table, as is the injection and the coil. He knows I'm not particularly strong willed and has said that if I want him to come in to the doctors appointment with me then he will to make sure that I don't get pressured in to something I know I don't want.

The main point he made from the conversation was the same as PPs, he doesn't really like condoms but we don't want children yet and it would be irresponsible of us and unfair on the child if we did conceive, we had previously already discussed what we would do if it just so happened that I fell pregnant whilst on the pill-as my half sister did twice, we think that was her though, not the pill-and had already come to the agreement that if it were to happen that I'd get a termination-think what you will-and the last thing he wants is to put me through that.

So I'll go to the doctors and see what they say tomorrow but I think it's unlikely that I'll come out there with anything other than a bag of free condoms

OP posts:
Mothervulva · 21/06/2017 07:36

Might be worth trying out some different brands of condom?

dementedpixie · 21/06/2017 07:55

Do they still make femidoms (female condoms)? I remember them coming out when I was a student about 20 odd years ago

NapQueen · 21/06/2017 07:57

If you cant afford condoms then your options are no sex or free up the money. Or get them free at a clinic.

Toffeelatteplease · 21/06/2017 08:00

I don't have much to add other than I really disagree with the pillioring your DP is getting on here.

Its really not cool on here to say anything bad about condoms. However I'm female and I hate condoms. I can't feel as much and I'm fantastic at pulling them off or nearly off when I umm squeeze Blush. Awful things that put me off sex almost as much as the pill did.

I totally get your partners first response. It was more or less mine when my last resort option non hormonal coil came out. I had to have a long think about what I did next. My second and third response was far more rational, although actually it still came back to using a hormonal contraceptive my dislike of condoms is so great. My body my choice.

Men don't really have choice, the only way they can take responsibility is the snip, condoms or abstain. Pretty shoddy if you haven't had a family yet and hate condoms. Our choice is equally appalling. But at least we have it.

Thing is we can't all be cool straight off about shit choices. Judge him more on his considered opinion than first response.

corythatwas · 21/06/2017 08:10

ah, a man who listens: that's what we want to see Smile

scottishdiem · 21/06/2017 08:11

What Toffeelatteplease said.

Condoms are not for every couple. Its wrong for men to think that women should take sole responsibility and it is also wrong for women to thing that men should do the same. It should be a couples decision and a decline in the frequency and enjoyment of sex should be part of that discussion.

Condoms are not a feature of mine and DPs sex life. Because no, they are passion killers, feel weird and almost add a third partner in the bedroom.

CheeseMcCheeserson · 21/06/2017 08:29

If you go to a local family planning clinic condoms are free.

RaspberryOverloadsOnIcepops · 21/06/2017 09:03

Another vote for a copper coil here. My periods are no heavier overall than before, it's only the pattern that's changed, ie, they are heavier at the start and flow reduces quickly afterwards.

I don't have painful periods, or any of the other reported issues.

There are pros and cons for everything.

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