Me, DP and Birth Control

[FakePlantsOnly]

I recently had the birth control implant removed because I was getting two periods a month, I had tried having a new one fitted as my GP didn't know whether it was me or because the implant was coming to the end of its life.

I've since gone on to the pill, Celeste to be precise and have noticed that despite being just as active and eating just as well as I normally do, I'm putting on weight and really struggling to shift it; I had previously lost just under three stone and was finally in a place where I was happy with the way I looked, now I've put back on the best part of a stone and cannot get rid of it for love nor money. I mentioned this to DP and said that I was thinking about coming off of the pill because I can't deal with the weight gain and the mental state that then puts me in and said that after doing a lot of research I don't really want to have to take anything as I think it's the change in hormones causing all the issues; DP's first response was to become irate about the fact that this was massively going to affect our sex life and that he felt I was being selfish.

I guess I'm asking AIBU by not wanting it to be my responsibility as when it is I'm the one that has to deal with the changes that happen to my body not him, I've gained weight, my skin is breaking out more than ever and it's tearing my self esteem to pieces.

Any advice?

'I know it's a pill so sorry if you've already thought about it but I take a progesterone only pill (POP) due to having a brain tumor which effected my hormones this is the only pill I'm allowed to take. Have a read about it because it doesn't interfere with your natural periods.'

Cileste is a POP and many of these can and do interfere with women's periods. It can cause negative side effects in quite a few users.

And yanbu to ask him to use condoms instead.

I had this with my partner.

He said he didn't like condoms and got quite arsy with me wanting to come off hormonal contraception. I was really surprised as he was the last man I'd have thought would have pressured me into doing something i didn't want with my body.

I had to be quite forceful and say "being on contraception is making me feel x. I am stopping for a period of at least six months. Of course it is your choice to use condoms or not, but obvi spit we won't be able to have sex with condoms. I would have thought that after me dealing with this for x years you would be prepared to have a minor inconvenience for a little while to ensure we can both enjoy having sex"

'Regarding the coil, you can have a local injection when it's put in to avoid the pain. '

And that local injection hurts like a bastard. I had one for a cervical procedure and it stung like hell. And she's still be stuck with a foreign body in her cervix that can cause painful, long periods that she doesn't want.

If it is in your plan to have children in future why not look at tracking your cycle as a method of birth control. You would need condoms or to abstain for about a week each month but there would be no hormones.

As with any contraception method, there are some pros and cons.
I would have a word with your GO re the coil. The copper coil can be an issue re heavy periods etc but the mireva coil (with the added hormone) usually leads to light period or not period at all.
Also, I've had a coild fitted and removed and TBH I haven't found it painful at all.
So be careful about what you read on the internet. The real picture might not be what you have read (eg people don't normally complain of something being easy and wo any problem!)

Having said, YANBU and your do is being a dick.
Contraception is YOUR (together) problem, not the woman's problem. And you are certainly aren't there to cope with whatever side effects you might have just because it might otherwise mean he needs to make an effort!
You YY to more talks about how TOGETHER you can't have a look at contraception.

Be aware thatbtahis might be a hard one and that yu might need to stick to your guns. Contraception is very much seen as the woman reponsibility (because he is the one who gets pregnant!). And remember that when doing a trial for a male contraceptive, they had to stop it because these men were experiencing the side effects that a lot of women experience due to the pill. But it was deemed to harsh/dangerous for them. Which points out that men are willing to put up with those 'hardships'
Obvioulsy talking on general terms here!

I gave up on hormonal contraceptives because of the side effects. I had tried implant, injection and one variety of pill before I said enough is enough. I didn't want a coil cos the idea of it freaked me out (possibly childish to some, but real enough to me). DP reacted like any reasonable partner "fair enough, condoms it is then". It hasn't been mentioned since.

Your DP is an adult. He is perfectly capable of researching any alternative methods of contraception he wants. But if he tries to pressure you in to something hormonal and / or long term he is a dick. There are other options - diaphragm etc, but when I've looked at them I don't like the failure rates.

Condoms aren't cheap, but they are a lot cheaper than a baby. Could you cut down your savings a small amount (£20) per month to cover the cost?

One of you is being selfish. It's not you!

That said, I like to feel in control and not rely on a partner to do it - I had similar issues to you on the implant, and went from it straight to a Mirena. As I understand it, the amount of hormone is less than for the implant so there are fewer side effects.

It was horrible having it put in but 2 years down the line, I am very glad I did it and am expecting to get another when needed. Occasionally I get a few days of light bleeding but no "proper" periods anymore.

The main drawback would be that they expect you to keep it for at least 3 months while any initial side effects do settle.

In the short term obviously I wouldn't need contraception, until he pulled his head out of his arse. So that would buy some time.

Shit ton better than not having the injection tho, expat :) My experience with the hormonal coil has been mostly good. I'm not saying she should have it, just I ruled it out for years because of fear and ick-factor, but actually it's suited me really well.

YANBU

DH and I are about to have a baby, I was on the pill before we were TTC and while I didn't realise at the time, I'm now sure it contributed to periods of depression. We will talk about our options after bean arrives, but he will be supportive.

They're currently trialling male contraceptive pills but not willing to licence it due to mood swings etc apparently. Ermmmmmmmmm, but it is absolutely fine for women to have been putting up with that for 60 years eh?

Became irate? Wow. His desire to ejaculate without consequence does not come (no pun intended) before your desire to not ingest hormonal contraceptives or have something inserted into your cervix. I met DH 8 years ago and told him from the off that I would not be taking the Pill etc, as I'd had various issues on it before (mood swings, thrush, bleeding between periods) and he didn't bat an eyelid - we used condoms (most of the time, I've a regular cycle so knew my 'safer' times) until we had our DC - and he's having the snip soon because we're not having any more. His choice.

We have become programmed to think it's the woman's job to sort contraception, and it shouldn't be. A friend of mine was tying herself in knots trying method after method and having awful side effects on each one - I couldn't understand how she put up with it. Unless you're totally happy to have the Pill or whatever, don't.

Was in the same position. My DH fully supported my decision to go natural using an app. Nearly a year in its successful and pretty much know my body in cycle now as well. He was willing to accept a slip up ("we are in this together") and more than happy I came off as hormonal contraceptives turned me into a complete bastard (with fortnightly uti's).

Big Disclaimer: I'm 45 though so natural is somewhat easier/less risky in my circumstances and I'm in perimenopause.

Worth a look though, as an alternative. My 27 yr old friend is doing the same and find it works for her also.

Bit hmm at people saying just get the coil. I know two coil babies and people who've had serious issues with it. The much easier option than having something implanted in to your body full time for years would be a man not being an asshole and wearing a condom for 20 minutes.

Polly how can you be safely using it in peri menopause?

I'm 45 though so natural is somewhat easier/less risky in my circumstances and I'm in perimenopause

Polly, it's actually the opposite - the natural method is riskier as you age. The app relies on you ovulating predictably and most women's cycles get more irregular as they approach menopause, leading to ovulation at unexpected times. I think Natural Cycles actually has some blurb about how the app is not reliable contraception for older women.

What about the cap/diaphram?

I don't know how much sex you are planning on having but condoms can be bought online for fairly little.

They even come in "discrete, unmarked packaging". Which always makes me smile - I wonder if those that don't advertise "discrete, unmarked packaging" have a big picture of a willy on them?

We have used all sorts of combinations of contraception over the years. I know Dh prefers it when I am on the pill or had the implant. But he is aware that it is my body and putting hormones in it is my choice.

Generally I choose to though as my periods are a bloody nightmare. (Both literally and figuratively.) The side effects of the pill are nothing compared to the side effects of my "natural body".

(A 20 day cycle! Who the hell has a 20 day cycle?! Other than me obviously. And my mum. And presumably my poor Dd in a few years. 20 days!! 20!! By the time it has finished it is nearly time to start again! Humph.)

We have become programmed to think it's the woman's job to sort contraception, and it shouldn't be. A friend of mine was tying herself in knots trying method after method and having awful side effects on each one - I couldn't understand how she put up with it. Unless you're totally happy to have the Pill or whatever, don't.

This.

I won't take the pill and I don't want a coil. My DH wears a condom and that's the end of that.

Ha! I have a (copper) coil baby sleeping upstairs and since this happened have been told of several more! It worked well for 2 years and then just fell out with a heavy period (which tend to result from the copper coil, but chicken and egg that...)

So just be on alert if you go for the coil. May also need condoms to be 100% safe.

It's not for everyone but natural family planning can work very well if you are organised enough to track your temperature, cervical fluid and have regular-ish cycles. We used it to as contraception for years and then to conceive two children. I can't tolerate hormonal contraceptives and my husband doesn't like condoms and they do tend to affect 'his performance'. If we do want to have sex at a time when it wouldn't be safe then we would use condoms if we wanted to enough!

Polly, it's actually the opposite - the natural method is riskier as you age. The app relies on you ovulating predictably and most women's cycles get more irregular as they approach menopause, leading to ovulation at unexpected times. I think Natural Cycles actually has some blurb about how the app is not reliable contraception for older women.*

Ah, well I'm doing temps, all symptoms and monitoring CM etc and abstaining. Periods are regular like clockwork and a definite pattern to my cycle, but that took a while to establish.

Peri because my doc thought I may be (so did I) and suggested testing (which I haven't done yet! Must sort that)

Thanks ladies.

YANBU - birth control should 100% be a joint responsibility and he's being an arse to complain that you don't want to be suffering side effects any longer. I'd actually ask him "Is it more important to you that you don't have to use a condom, than I feel better?" and see how he tries to get around it when so blatantly stated.

That being said, we can't use condoms (latex causes sensitivity and non-latex are £££) and I've found the Nuvaring a very good compromise after the coil didn't work for me. It is still hormonal although lower dose, but because you just insert it yourself each month, if you're still getting side effects you can just take it out without having to fight your GP like with an implant or coil.

Op please think very very very carefully before having a baby with a man who prioritises his need for sex over your physical and mental wellbeing. You just have to a little bit of reading to see how that goes. You are not in any way unreasonable to want to be in control of your own body.

It's not for everyone but natural family planning can work very well if you are organised enough to track your temperature, cervical fluid and have regular-ish cycles.

Sorry to derail the thread, but can I ask what regular-ish is? For complicated reasons I need to avoid getting pregnant for a few months but don't want to use hormonal contraception or anything long-acting: I've been monitoring my cycles (BBT, fluid and OPKs) for about a year now and I normally ovulate around day 17 of my cycle, but I've had cycles where I've ovulated as early as day 14 and as late as day 19, and I've been wondering whether that makes NFP a non-starter for me.

lisasimpson that sounds like it would be absolutely fine. By irregular I meant if you have PCOS for instance and don't ovulate every month.
My ovulation date varies from around 14-18. I would highly recommend the book 'taking charge of your fertility' for some more reading.