Me, DP and Birth Control

[FakePlantsOnly]

I recently had the birth control implant removed because I was getting two periods a month, I had tried having a new one fitted as my GP didn't know whether it was me or because the implant was coming to the end of its life.

I've since gone on to the pill, Celeste to be precise and have noticed that despite being just as active and eating just as well as I normally do, I'm putting on weight and really struggling to shift it; I had previously lost just under three stone and was finally in a place where I was happy with the way I looked, now I've put back on the best part of a stone and cannot get rid of it for love nor money. I mentioned this to DP and said that I was thinking about coming off of the pill because I can't deal with the weight gain and the mental state that then puts me in and said that after doing a lot of research I don't really want to have to take anything as I think it's the change in hormones causing all the issues; DP's first response was to become irate about the fact that this was massively going to affect our sex life and that he felt I was being selfish.

I guess I'm asking AIBU by not wanting it to be my responsibility as when it is I'm the one that has to deal with the changes that happen to my body not him, I've gained weight, my skin is breaking out more than ever and it's tearing my self esteem to pieces.

Any advice?

Condoms then? Sexual health clinics will give you a bag for free, or buy in bulk on-line.

We had the opposite dilemma here - my natural cycles turn me into the bitch from hell. DH has happily volunteered for the snip, but due to other medical problems, he does not have enough annual leave for the operation. I switched to the implant - no periods at all, as yet: absolute bliss.

You need to pick the best method for your body. If that's condoms, then he has the choice of using them or going without. I would be questioning the relationship tbh _- it's just the tip of the iceberg if you are planning a family. How will he feel about sleepless nights, looking after the baby, the lack of sex for (possibly) months, division of housework and finances?

He's being unreasonable. I have not great reactions to hormonal birth control, so I just made it clear that I wasn't using it and we were using condoms. A partner having a whinge about that, well too bad so sad. I am not compromising my well being for a slight inconvenience in the alternative.

Also I really don't buy the costs argument. You can get condoms for free through family planning, or buy a massive box of 40 online for around £15. £15 for your personal wellbeing and that of your sex life. C'mon. I can't believe that there isn't £15 worth of savings you can make a month.

Do you not find it puts sex (or at least unprotected sex - and DH has always found it hard to maintain an erection with condoms) off the table for an annoyingly large amount of time? I was thinking about this and surely we'd have to abstain from cd9 (and my period normally doesn't end until cd6 and while DH doesn't mind I'm not a big fan of period sex) until a day or two after I ovulate, which could be cd20 or 21? I know then there'd be nearly two weeks to enjoy, but I feel like it writes off nearly half the month? I think I might be looking for a solution that doesn't exist to my problem, though!

Thank you for your advice, by the way!

Cilest is a combined pill, not a POP, so it might be worth discussing that option with your doctor - if you want to.

Thank you for all of your help and advice I'm still not convinced on the coil. I have phoned and booked an appointment with my GP on Thursday morning to see what they say.

I should really have started the post by saying that I love my DP with all my heart and-without sounding big-headed-he loves me an awful lot to.

In regards to the comment about "how's he going to feel when such and such happens when you have children"-the division of labour and costs in our home is already 50/50 and we regularly spend long weekends babysitting his niece and nephew who are 3 and 5 and we have done for the last couple years and he's wonderful with them, I know that's only over a course of a few days and it's different when it's permanent but I have no doubts about the man I've chosen to be the father of my children, this is the only time when we've ever had an issue that we've not instantly talked through, bar this he's always been very understanding and will go with whatever I decide is best for me as it's my body and I'm the one that has to live with the decision that's been made.

I'll bring it up again when he's home from work to see whether it was a spur of the moment thing and go from there

'I have phoned and booked an appointment with my GP on Thursday morning to see what they say.'

Be prepared, they will push that Mirena on you. They could out hard sell a used car salesperson any day extolling the virtues of that thing.

Works for many, but 15-20% of users experience negative side effects and sometimes it can be difficult to convince HCPs to remove the damn thing.

Have you talked through all the potential side effects of hormonal contraception? My DH didn't really understand until I sat him down and explained. Though I had to stop the pill (Celeste) because of migraine. He's used condoms for 12 years now as I didn't want any foreign objects in my body and he doesn't want the snip. I use nothing and I am far more interested in sex than I was when on the pill.

If he's willing to accept the risk of a whoopsy baby, I'd just do the good old pull out and avoid ovulation method! Served me well for 2 years until the OH forgot to pull out

Part of the problem is that there isn't a lot of male contraceptions available.
A vasectomy is not just contraception, I wouldn't compare it to the pill / coil / implant...
And condoms are less reliable than other contraception forms, aren't they?

Just trying to understand what your DP can propose if he wants a safe but non permanent contraception?

When used correctly, condoms are very effective contraceptives.

I used Cileste for years and was so depressed in that time. I didn't even realise that it was the pill making me depressed until I came off it - I just thought everything was shit! I'm so angry that I wasted all that time on it. I tried another one after that, I think it was called Yasmin? That was fine. But it made me realise you can be a completely different person on artificial hormones, which I didn't like, so I stopped taking it altogether.

My DH is fine with using condoms. Don't be pressured into changing your whole personality just to avoid condoms. That is crazy.

I gave up on all hormonal contraceptives in my twenties because they're awful. A dr persuaded me to try mirena coil in my 30s. Hideous thing.

Copper coil was great but bleeding was too heavy - although i already had very heavy periods.

Diaphragm is great once you get used putting it in, although the new spermicide they started using was fucking scented and made me itch so i bought the old stuff off the internet.

If he won't use condoms then he obviously views you as a cum-bucket.
You really wanna be with a guy like that?

I agree with expat, they are surprisingly keen on the coil hard sell. I'd gone in after my last baby, I was asked about college contraception... said partner was getting the snip.

Someone how left with a coil fitting appt, that I didn't even want. (Later cancelled)

I am well past the menopause so probably older than everyone else on this thread! Anyway, just wanted to say that the pill made me very ill with migraines etc. So I used the cap for over 20 years with no slip-ups. Seeing that I got pregnant instantly with both DSs when I stopped using the cap, you can see that it worked very well for us.

Just because doctors are reluctant to suggest it, don't dismiss it outright OP? Best of luck.

YANBU, the Pill can affect you in so many ways and take awhile to get out of your system. You have previously used methods of contraception where the onus has been on you and your body has started to struggle. Your DP should use condoms until you feel your body is back on track and you should point out that you've been "responsible" as it were, for a long time. If you share as partners, now it is his turn.

I also aree with Expat that they will push the Mirena on you! I came off OCPs after 7 years and 3 combined pills (including Celeste, which left me bedridden) at 23. I swore off hormonal birth control and explained this very firmly to the family planning nurse. I refused to budge despite them implying I was lucky they'd agreed to fit ye olde stylee IUD as I hadn't had DC and they asked lots of pointed questions about other methods, especially the Mirena. I'd done my research and stuck to the decision I felt would work for me, not their statistics.

Imagine my surprise 20mins later, when I went through to get it inserted and discovered they were about to shove a Mirena up my foof. It's only because I thought to ask as I was so paranoid about hormonal birth control that this so called "mistake" came to light.

I had the copper coil for years, and I didnt find it gave me painful or heavy periods. It can have that side effect but its more usual for it to have no side effects, or maybe make your period last a day longer. It was really worth it for me, as I am not very good with hormonal contraception

The copper coil has made my periods lighter and shorter, and more regular.
Prior to that I was on the implant and my periods seemed near constant.

Another vote for copper coil here.

Same problem here, except we already have 2 kids together. I won't take the pill, it just messes me up, longer periods, weight gain, anxiety etc. Iv had the depo and had to have hormone replacement therapy as if made the lining of my womb to thin so I had a constant period for 8-9 months, low iron etc.

Options are : condoms, we use them every single time, he doesn't like it, he doesn't get any

I've just remembered this - at my 6 week after having DS the GP was asking about contraception, and seemed very keen on me having the Mirena coil. She was taken aback when I said we were fine with condoms and/or avoiding my fertile time, I know one friend who had it fall out and one friend who was left in lots of pain.

That said, another friend is on a Pill she loves as she has no periods and no bad side effects. However, anecdotally I know lots of people that have had issues with hormonal contraceptives. I went on the Pill at 17 with a long term boyfriend - no pressure from him but it never occurred to me that it wasn't something that I had to do, going to the GP at 17 or 18 seemed to be a right of passage for those of us in the sixth who had boyfriends. It wasn't until I started reading around feminist issues when I got to about 30 that I felt quite angry about the years I'd taken it - despite the problems it was causing me it hadn't occurred to me to come off it and tell my boyfriends to use a condom until I met DH, and I'd finally had enough of the wacky symptoms.

^sixth form that should say!

Is there a reason why docs seem so insanely pushy about the mirena coil at the moment as I've experienced it from them, my sister has had it from them and I hear it all the time on here.

There are two reasons that doctors push it, one bad one good:

1. The bad one: there are 'incentives' for doctors who hit certain targets for prescribing LARCs (long-acting reversible contraceptives: coil, implant, injections)
2. The good one (and the reason they introduced the incentive): LARCs have much, much better success rates than other contraceptives. The vast majority of 'contraceptive failure' is actually user error (although users often don't realise or acknowledge this) and there is almost no user error for these forms of contraceptive.