to would you be concerned - DS13 losing weight

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DS13 is 5ft 10 and has always been very tall, and quite heavy (but not fat - just solid).

This last 6 months though, i've noticed that he is eating much less, even though he's put on about 2 inches in height. Now the trousers that he got last december are far too big in the waist.

He has even cut down on his fvaourite foods, like pizza.

Now his friends joke about how thin he has become and puzzle over the triangle shape he makes with a small waist but broad shoulders.

Should I be concerned, or grateful that he seems to have learned to control his appetite? (he loves food)

It depends to what extent he's depriving himself of food....

If he's eating 3 meals a day and not snacking for instance then I'd say he's lost weight that he's maybe needed to lose?

If he's not really eating at all and starving himself then that's different

He's eating a small breakfast - half the size it used to be. No snacking. A small lunch (I found out last week from looking at Parentpay that he is skipping lunch ocassionally) and then he struggles to eat a big dinner, even when its pizza (his all time favourite).

I asked why he skipped lunch and he said that the queue was too long to make it worth the bother.

He has very noticeably lost weight. He's not thin now, but on the lean side of slender.

I would vocally ignore for a few weeks. . All of my ds had a little podge that they took control of. . They looked weedy for a while then gradually regained a more adult frame!! The more you point it out the more it is an issue imo. Keep logging his school card and general meals without speaking about it tho.

Was he actually not fat (based on BMI)? Being "solid" is a code word for overweight round here, so excuse the question.

Is he avoiding healthy options, as well as things like pizza?

It sounds like he's making an active decision to lose weight. Whether that would concern me or not would depend on what his weight was like before, what his relationship with food is generally like, whether he's happy or not, what his body image was like - lots of things really. It could be positive, or the start of an eating disorder. Certainly I'd keep an eye on him. Is weight/diet/health something you talk about openly in your house?

What counts as a small breakfast? Small lunch? How much does he eat at dinner? Are you sure he has stopped snacking? Can you talk to him about why he is eating less?

Be honest with yourself - are your portions too big? What does 'lean side of slender' mean? A lot of parents are in denial over food/size/portions and hate it when their kids gain back control.

Re: lunch - there's no harm in missing it every once in a while if you aren't hungry.

Small breakfast = half a bowl of cereal, leavign the other half because he can't finish it.
Small lunch - a pasta pot (which sounds big) but I'm told its about the size of a tub of hummous, or a nother dip that you might buy in a supermarket.
Dinner - he eats about half what he used to.

Snacks - he doesn't really, apart from sweets, which used to last no time at all, but, thinking about it now, I spotted a bar of chocolate unopened in his room at the weekend that I bought him about a month ago. It used to be that it would have been gone the same day.

This morning, i made him crepes, which he loves. he used to take them with nutella, but now he prefers them plain and he only ate 2/3 of one, whereas I made him 2 (and previously he'd have eaten 4 if I'd let him).

OK, that's definitely not enough food for a 5 ft 10 teenager who is still growing. You need to speak to him and find out what is going on.

My portions are big. I'm overweight, as is DH, and I can't tell you how much I don't want the Dc to go the same way.

My other child has always eaten small portions, and its good. BMI is 9th centile (borderline underweight). I know he'll stop when he's full and it has always been his way.

But the 13 yo has always loved his food, and I've spent years trying to restrain him, without making food or shape an issue. Last year, i was beginning to wonder if I'd have to buy him the plus size school wear range as the elasticated waists had been let fully out. Now, I'm sewing elastic in.

My DS1 started losing weight at a similar age. He had been very "solid", in all honesty quite overweight, then really took control of his eating and lost a lot. For a while he was probably underweight, and was rather obsessed with eating extremely healthily, but that waned and he has maintained a healthy weight, and a balanced approach to eating for several years.

Do you know what his weight is now? I think it's important to establish if his BMI is below what it should be, or not. Is he keen to be eating healthily? A lot of what you mention is not - pizza, crepes, possibly cereal if it's very sugary. Schools often don't offer healthy options. Could you involve him in the meal planning, and ascertain his thoughts on what he would like to be eating?

How is he otherwise? Has his behaviour changed in other ways?

That doesn't sound like a lot. How does he react to "healthy" food - will he happily scoff fruit/veg? I have no idea what the "correct" thing to do is if you suspect an eating disorder may be taking hold. My instinct would be to talk to him about his weight loss - not in a negative way but to see what's going on. Does he feel well? Is he not hungry? (You need to rule out a physical cause). Is the weight loss voluntary? Is he happier with himself this way, has he been teased? Does he have an end weight in mind?

To be honest, alarm bells would be ringing if he's drastically lost weight and isn't talking about what he's doing. Dnephew went on a big health kick at a similar age but talked about it non stop.

Yes, I would be concerned.

Even if there's no actual problem yet then prevention is better than cure.

I became anorexic at 15. It was seen as a phase and fairly notmal teen stuff. I still am anorexic at 34. Much better to act quickly!!

Ah ok. To be honest I think you should get him some healthy eating advice, or get it yourselves. He clearly wants to manage his weight and doesn't feel he can do this with the portions/food you provide, but if your portions are too big & you're overweight yourselves then he won't listen to you.

Can you get a referral to a dietician.

Would be be happier to eat if there were more vegetables, etc., on offer? Could you talk to him to ask if he's happy with the food and whether he'd like to do some of the meal planning?

I don't knwo much about anorexia, but I do knwo that the earlier you seek help the better the long term result, so while he probably isn't in that group yet, it is definietly a concern.

Would he talk to you?
ds at the same age became obssessed with sugar and eating more healthily and went through everything in our cupboards and sorted them in bad (sugar) and good (no sugar) and changed his eating quite a lot. At the same time he started weight lifted and going to the school gymn at lunchtime (in an attempt to get a 6 pack)
But he didn't loose weight, and faced with a pizza on a saturday night he was willling to let his healthy eating slide a bit.

He also didn't loose appetite, which is the most concerning thing about your post.

I think a change in eating habits would worry me. One of my brothers lost huge amounts of weight when he was 16/17. He got so unbelievably thin. This was 10 years ago or more and people just ignored it. It was painful to watch and I can remember being so worried.

I would perhaps try to talk to him, in a really calm way. Find out if he's worried about how he looks and how as a family you might be able to help him?

Knowing the amount of food the average teenage boy eats (even the skinny ones) I would be worried about this. Probably just keep an eye on it a little while longer though. It just doesn't sound like enough fuel for the day.

The cereal is not sugary - its weetabix - but i know pizza etc is bad for you. Its always been his favourite (along with crepes) but its also a treat, not a regular meal.

He hates vegetables (but I still serve them and demand they get eaten first). What used to happen was that he would eat the vegetables, then the protein, then the starch (pasta etc). Now he slowly eats the small amount of vegetables that i insist upon, then some of the meat / fish and leave most of the pasta because he's full.

I don't see any change in his behaviour. he's started to withdraw from family life a bit, prefering to chat online to his friends, play with them on the xbox etc.

His friends are newish, in that he has lost touch with the primary school ones, and these are all in his form at seconnary school. But they seem nice enough, and their parents are all sensible, involved etc. I check his social media once in a while - had my fingers burned about bullying with my other DC - and the interaction looks normal enough. No bad influences etc. (I think I'm going to be flamed for that last paragraph!)

The only thing I would say abotu DS, is that he's always been bothered by what other people think. Maybe someone at school has made jokes about his weight?

I just thought growth spurt = increased appetite , but DS seems to have gone the other way.

How much does he weigh and how much DID he weigh though?

My DSS was like this at about the same age. He became anorexic. Thankfully, after two years of counselling he seems healthy again, although he is still obsessive over exercise. The obsessive exercise became more of an issue for him than not eating. The trigger was a couple of people at school calling him fat (he was overweight). I wouldn't ignore the issue. If he won't open up to you, is there anyone else he might talk to about why he feels the need to restrict food? The B-eat website was helpful.

He's definitely decided to lose weight, hasn't he? You're offering him pizza and crepes with Nutella and he's right to refuse them if he's determined to lose weight. The thing is now to work out whether this is a problem or whether he's just being careful.

What would happen if you gave him healthy alternatives? Does he always leave half of his dinner if it was something healthy?

Also...we don't know what your portions are like OP...you say "Small lunch" and he "had half" of some other meal but how big is a "small lunch"?

I think a pasta pot the size of a hummous container should be ok. Some of these pots have 400-500 calories & it's that you should be looking at, not the size of the pot.

It's difficult (actually impossible) for anyone here to say whether he has a problem or not.

We don't know your idea of a normal portion size, or exactly what you mean by 'solid' in terms of his physique.

It could be that his appetite has simply decreased and therefore his stomach has shrunk.

Or he could be deliberately trying to lose weight, but no-one here will know whether there's cause for concern.