to would you be concerned - DS13 losing weight

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DS13 is 5ft 10 and has always been very tall, and quite heavy (but not fat - just solid).

This last 6 months though, i've noticed that he is eating much less, even though he's put on about 2 inches in height. Now the trousers that he got last december are far too big in the waist.

He has even cut down on his fvaourite foods, like pizza.

Now his friends joke about how thin he has become and puzzle over the triangle shape he makes with a small waist but broad shoulders.

Should I be concerned, or grateful that he seems to have learned to control his appetite? (he loves food)

He could be trying to lose weight and not know the proper way to go about it so just eating very little. Might be worth asking him gently if he is trying. If so then you can give him proper portions of healthy foods because he is definitely not eating a proper amount.

For comparison, my DD (15) is 5ft 8 and very slim size 6. She eats more than he is eating - a weetabix with 1/2 teaspoon of sugar and either chopped banana or strawberries, a pasta pot at school and chicken Kiev with salad and crusty bread, yoghurt and a peach.

If you're worried, then take him to the GP. Get his weight and height assessed properly, as it seems you already have a skewed perspective on what normal portions should be.
Ask the GP's advice, or to be referred to someone else to discuss healthy eating options and portion sizes.

It's quite possible that he's just had enough of being overweight and has decided himself to do something about it - have you asked him what's going on? maybe he's talked to someone at school about it already, and has taken his own initiative in managing his weight and health?

Get him to keep a food diary, including portion sizes. There are ways to discover what his calorific intake is in a day; if this is appropriate for his age, height, weight and activity level then I'd stop worrying - but in the meantime, still take him to the GP to check.

But the 13 yo has always loved his food, and I've spent years trying to restrain him, without making food or shape an issue. Last year, i was beginning to wonder if I'd have to buy him the plus size school wear range as the elasticated waists had been let fully out.

And yet you described him as 'solid'?

Is it possible that you've been in denial about his weight, so he's decided to do something about it alone?

You say you and your husband are overweight, so do you think there's a possibility he finds it a difficult subject to talk about to you both?

last time i asked him to weigh himself - a couple of months ago - he was 9 st 9lb.
two years earlier in 2015 he weighed 8st 2lb and was 8 inches shorter than today

I don't think his weight is a problem, yet. My concern is the direction of travel. basically, is he eating enough to support his growth and is he developing anorexia?

I think the talk of anorexia is a bit premature given we don't know what he weighs or what he's lost , only that he's the 'lean end of slender'

My own mum is what you might call a feeder and would try to feed me Nutella crepes for brekkie and pizza for dinner if she could. I refuse them because frankly a diet of Nutella crepes and pizza would make ANYONE fat. Both those foods should be a treat not a staple.

If the OP has weight issues herself it's possible her idea of 'small' or 'half' sized might be fine/normal for others.

OP, can you post what he weighs? Right now, to me, it sounds like a kid resisting being overfed or fed an unhealthy diet.

I was going to write pretty much WorraLiberty.

I lost weight at university much to my Mum's concern - was actually the correct BMI - first time I had control of my portions and choice over what I ate - it was a natural unthinking process for me but really freaked her out.

My children have an increase in appetite and get slightly chubbier then shoot up and their appetite drops like a stone to come back up to a normal level - it's normal for them.

I think you need to keep an eye on it and try talking to him - is he doing it deliberately or not really thinking about it.

@WhittlingIhopMonkey - that's a bit harsh! I already said they were a treat, not a staple.

5 foot 10, 9 stone but needing plus size school uniform doesn't sound right OP?

That weight puts him at the upper end of healthy OP...so he still sounds healthy.

If you're worried though, I would consider visiting the GP alone for more advice.

Whittling could that have been due to his height though?

Right now, to me, it sounds like a kid resisting being overfed or fed an unhealthy diet.

That is also a possibility.

www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/Healthyweightcalculator.aspx

Suggest he's current fine for weight and at 71 percentile for weight.

All I can suggest is keep an eye on it and talk to him.

A person's weight itself has nothing to do with anorexia in the early stages. Overweight people can be anorexic. It is about attitude to weight and eating/exercise.

It may well be that he just wants to lose a bit of weight, but either way he needs to talk to you or the GP about what it is that he wants. If it turns out not to be anorexia, what do you lose by having a conversation about his eating habits? It could help him to get some advice about losing weight sensibly. Far better than ignoring what could be the early stages of anorexia because you don't want to jump to conclusions.

I put on weight when i had the children. Now I am fat. DH knew I was unhappy about it, and he taught the children never to call me fat. They have some sort of screwed up idea of what that means - they think they should deny I'm fat, when i plainly am.
So maybe he does find it difficult talkign to me about it.

he didn't look fat last year. He really did not. He didn't fit into the plus sized clothes, but if he'd got any bigger around the waist then maybe he would have. However, he didn't. he just looked what woudl be nicely proportioned for a grown man, however, he was only a boy.

Now he looks thinner, and still looks nice. he's an attractive looking boy. No one meeting him today would see any problem, unless they could see the change - so relatives have noticed as we only see them a few times a year.

On the face of it, that is a very small amount of food for a young male teen in full growth spurt - how many weetabix, for example, is he actually eating? My 5'9 13yo is 10 stone and, apart from at school, where he often avoids food completely due to anxiety, would eat non-stop, given half a chance and he is fairly slender - I bought him some 30" waist men's shorts (smallest size available in that particular shop) and while they're fine around his bum because he has broad frame, they're massive around his waist.

I'd monitor quietly, for now, but it's worth probing to find out if anything is worrying your DS.

@WhittlingIhopMonkey sorry - maybe I am explaining too much so you're missing the detail. he does not need plus sized uniform now. In fact he needs things taken in for him.
Previously, he did not need it either. However, he was getting close to needing it.

He used to want to eat 4 weetabix, but I made him stop at 3. Now he takes 2, and leaves about half. So, I guess he eats 1.

I've tried to ask him, but got nothing. Maybe that's becasue there is nothing to tell.
I'm loathe to give him a problem with food by making an issue of it. so, its a delicate balance.

That's really why i asked here. I'm trying to decide whether to risk asking again, or whether its just something to keep a quiet eye on.

Would he talk to his Dad? Or another relative or friend?

I always felt I had to finish hugh portion sizes my parents served as if we didn't my Mum always jumped to anorexia and would tell me her worries , not without cause as her cousin and her DD suffered with it. So I can see its very hard to broach subject with a child.

I'd definitely keep an eye on situation.

And 1 weetabix is a tiny portion! That's what mine used to eat as toddlers.

Is he just full, or is he complaining about any tummy aches? A lot of the foods he's cut back on seem to be wheat based. Is he well in himself, or tired?

It is worth talking to your GP if this pattern continues because it is a big change in appetite. As well as a conscious decision (eg he may have read something that's convinced him that wheat is bad for him), he could well be eating less because of anxiety, or there could be something physical impairing his appetite.

I wonder if there might have been a bit of ribbing or banter from his friends /classmates. If both you and your husband are large then perhaps he was keen to distance himself.

I don't know. It sounds like he might be working towards disordered eating but equally he might just not be fussed about food at the moment as he has so much else going on.

Could it be he's fallen or is falling in love and has become a bit more interested in eating more healthily in order to get her attention? My DS 15 became quite anxious at the begining of his relationship two years ago and "went off his food" in a love sick puppy kind of way. His eating went back to normal once they started "going out". My DS also refuses to queue at lunch as it wastes his time, so I now send him in with lots of cereal bars that he can eat on the hoof and a couple of rolls, he seems happier with that, even though he gets free school meals. I hope that helps.

DH tried to speak to him too, but he was a bit more demanding, and got nowhere. I used to be stick thin when i was young - the GP always quizzed me about anorexia - so I don't normalise large meals or worry about their weight usually. As long as they eat a healthy diet, I have quite wide margins that i'm happy to let them be within.

I don't think its a wheat intolerance. I know the symptoms. He just really loves starchy foods, and meat, which is why he would always overeat on them if he overate on anything. He is just as picky with all foods now, I just gave the starchy ones as examples because those were his favourites.

Puppy love, or ribbing at school, are both possibiliities that he would keep well hidden.

I took him to the GP for something else (trivial) just before Easter and I mentioned the eatign change then. The GP loked at him and said I shoudl just keep an eye on him. It was awkward because I couldn't be explicit abotu my concerns as obviously DS was in teh room

Is there someone at school you could have a word with - form tutor, head of year - see if they are aware of any bullying or changes with him?

Maybe go back to GP by yourself and talk it through with them?

I don't know if there are any problems with him - but clearly your worried so perhaps that might be a way forward?

If someone has said something at school, then the people who would know are his friends.
How would it sound if i was to contact one of their mums and ask her to try to find out from her son? I know the other mothers but only vaguely. I'd be asking a lot fo them, wouldn't I?