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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to would you be concerned - DS13 losing weight

97 replies

Var1234 · 20/06/2017 10:19

DS13 is 5ft 10 and has always been very tall, and quite heavy (but not fat - just solid).

This last 6 months though, i've noticed that he is eating much less, even though he's put on about 2 inches in height. Now the trousers that he got last december are far too big in the waist.

He has even cut down on his fvaourite foods, like pizza.

Now his friends joke about how thin he has become and puzzle over the triangle shape he makes with a small waist but broad shoulders.

Should I be concerned, or grateful that he seems to have learned to control his appetite? (he loves food)

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 20/06/2017 16:07

I wouldn't. There's no guarantee that you'd get anything more than Chinese whispers back. Even if someone has upset your son, it won't necessarily have been a big, unkind statement that others will know about. It could have been a throwaway comment or something he's read. And he won't thank you for asking others about his love life. I think keeping an eye out and/or talking to him are your only ways forward.

steppemum · 20/06/2017 23:11

don't talk to other mums.

as PP said, it isn't actually about the current weight, even if he is currently over weight, the issue is massive drop in appetite and the massive change in eating habits.

I think I would sit down with him. Don't talk about weight at all, but talk about how his eating has changed and you are concerned, in case it is a sympton of being ill, eg something wrong with his stomach.

It is fine for him to eat as he wants, but can he help you understand what the change is about? Is he just not hungry? (that could signal a mdecial issue) or has he chosen to change diet? Push a little, ie, you think you may need to take him to GP....

If he says he wants to loose weight, that is fine, what would he like you to buy so that he has enough to eat that is healthy?

Original poster

Var1234 · 21/06/2017 07:58

I spoke to him. He said that he was aware he'd got thinner and that he was eating a lot less than before. He said that he just isn't hungry.

He assures me that there is nothing wrong, and he promises that if he ever decides that he wants to change diet etc, then he'll tell me so i can help him to do it safely.

This morning, I gave him a banana, two slices of toast and a glass of milk for breakfast. He drank the milk and ate 3/4 of the toast and has just said he's full.

OP posts:

Original poster

Var1234 · 21/06/2017 08:00

Maybe with the hot weather, everyone's appetite is suppressed?? I know I'm not hungry these days. and 1 1/2 slices of toast plus a glass of milk isn't bad.

OP posts:

Original poster

Var1234 · 21/06/2017 08:03

I won't talk to other mums. I'd sound like a fool.

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 21/06/2017 08:44

Well if he's so not hungry that he can't maintain his current weight then he needs to go to the GP. Can you weigh him today and then again in a couple of weeks? It's clearly not about hot weather if it has been going on for months.

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2017 09:21

I think you should back off a bit and leave it now - just keep a silent eye on the situation for a while.

I haven't eaten any kind of breakfast since Junior school and I know plenty of people (including my 14 & 18 yr olds), who are exactly the same.

I certainly wouldn't start weighing him and making more of a thing of it, or he's bound to get self conscious which in itself will probably kill his appetite.

You're right OP, this sudden sweltering weather is affecting lots of people's appetites. As much as his changed before this hot spell, I don't think right now is the time to worry too much about it.

Mercime · 21/06/2017 09:29

A glass of milk and the toast sounds OK. Does he eat fruit or veg? I'd be buying lots of that. Sounds like he wants to start eating more healthily. 4 weetabix sounds a lot?

titchy · 21/06/2017 09:30

Just leave him. To be blunt you were giving him 4 weetabix for breakfast which is probably twice what he every should have had, so he seems to have come to the conclusion that you don't really know much about healthy portions and is trying to do it for himself.

And yes thinking about plus size school uniform is NOT 'a bit solid' - that's fat, possibly obese.

Mercime · 21/06/2017 09:34

I would try and buy lots more healthy food and ditch the Nutella, cakes and biscuits. I agree it sounds as though he wants to lose weight.

deugain · 21/06/2017 10:21

I was suggesting talking to someone at the school to reassure yourself there were no problems there and he was happy as far as they are aware. I'm very surprised you would jump from that to contacting his friend mothers which would be a spectacularly bad idea.

He drank the milk and ate 3/4 of the toast and has just said he's full.

My FIL has a very manual job - digging out lugging heavy stuff around he is very fit - 1 to 2 slices of toast and a coffee is a weekday breakfast for him and has been for years.

Someone earlier suggested idea for making eating easier at lunch time at school - so if he doesn't want to queue he can easily eat something - fruit, cereal bars,rolls - I do that and drop the subject for a bit.

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2017 10:33

You have to remember as well, that he's only 13.

At that age, hormones are often at irregular levels and that can massively affect appetite.

Gre8scott · 21/06/2017 10:41

Hi Var...
sadly this sounds like an eating disorder. Just because hes eating pizza and not healthly stuff doesnt mean anything he is restricting and losing weight so much he looks different thats enough to cos worry...
i have close fanily member with an eating diorder i like with them fulltime so i know the signs.
Pm me ill point u in the right direction

Gre8scott · 21/06/2017 10:46

And can everyone taking mher to leave him and slagging her off please stop eating disorders can start overnight i live with a person with one and it started one day its my life at thr mo and its the most hellish and scary thing

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2017 10:55

How can you say it sounds like an eating disorder, because he's eating less than when he was overweight?

Also, the OP says "He struggles to eat a big dinner". Well so do many people and given that the OP and her husband are both overweight, what exactly is their idea of a big dinner? Possibly far too much for a 13yr old child. Also, he's 'only eating half a bowl of cereal', but again, how big are the OP's bowls?

WRT breakfast, previously he was eating up to 4 crepes with Nutella and now he isn't. Do you not think that's a good thing, given that the OP was considering buying him plus size trousers even though in her OP, she describes him as 'solid' rather than fat?

She's said he's now on the 'lean side of slender' and the trousers she bought him last December are too big...the trousers the OP described as previously being too tight.

None of what the OP describes here points (imo) to an eating disorder, but so many things in her posts point to her having quite a skewed idea about portion size for kids and healthy eating.

Which is evident in the fact that both she and her husband are overweight (possible medical conditions that cause weight gain aside).

astoundedgoat · 21/06/2017 11:06

It sounds like he is struggling to identify which foods he can eat lots of, and which he should avoid.

My DH was slightly overweight as a child, up to the age of about 12, then somebody made a comment about his weight that cut surprisingly deep, and he instantly started starving himself. Because his mother bought masses of stodgy, sugary food and he didn't know how to pick and choose his food, he just stopped eating anything. He was a very scrawny teen as a result (too scrawny), but once he started learning about food properly, it all balanced out and he is a very slim and healthy-eating adult now.

Your DS isn't eating enough for a growing child, but I bet it's because he's just cutting everything out in an effort to have a healthy weight - he needs education and guidance so that he can understand what foods are bad for him (half a kilo of Cheerios for breakfast) and what he could replace them with,
without starving himself (scrambled eggs, avocado and and wholemeal toast) - and WHY. Maybe it could be good for the whole family!

Oblomov17 · 21/06/2017 11:12

I have my ds Doing similar. There are many sporty very very thin boys in his year. I think he wants to be very slim. Like them. I am a bit concerned.

deugain · 21/06/2017 11:26

If the Op really think there is an eating disorder - she need to make an appointment with the GP and talk it through with them.

www.cwt.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/CHEW-12-18Years-PracticalGuide.pdf - wonder if this might be useful in mean time has a look at calorie intake for different ages and active levels and picture of portion sizes and suggestions for snacks and meals.

Belle1616 · 21/06/2017 11:38

*How can you say it sounds like an eating disorder, because he's eating less than when he was overweight? confused

Also, the OP says "He struggles to eat a big dinner". Well so do many people and given that the OP and her husband are both overweight, what exactly is their idea of a big dinner? Possibly far too much for a 13yr old child. Also, he's 'only eating half a bowl of cereal', but again, how big are the OP's bowls?

WRT breakfast, previously he was eating up to 4 crepes with Nutella and now he isn't. Do you not think that's a good thing, given that the OP was considering buying him plus size trousers even though in her OP, she describes him as 'solid' rather than fat?

She's said he's now on the 'lean side of slender' and the trousers she bought him last December are too big...the trousers the OP described as previously being too tight.

None of what the OP describes here points (imo) to an eating disorder, but so many things in her posts point to her having quite a skewed idea about portion size for kids and healthy eating.

Which is evident in the fact that both she and her husband are overweight (possible medical conditions that cause weight gain aside).*

I agree with all the above.

The OP probably has skewed ideas of portion size, she has said herself that he is not skinny, but now a normal weight.

If he gets to being too skinny then this would be an issue. To me the amount of food he is eating sounds fine, nearly 2 pieces of toast and a glass of milk, would suit most adults for breakfast, let alone a 13 year old.

Belle1616 · 21/06/2017 11:38

opps the bolding didnt work...

Gre8scott · 21/06/2017 12:04

It depends if he is getting to thin as in he is not a healthl weight my experience of a eating disorder is the fact u are convinced nothig ia wrong and then bam its to late

Mercime · 21/06/2017 12:11

What's the difference between trying to lose weight and an eating disorder? Why does this sound like an eating disorder? Nearly 2 bits of toast and a glass of milk (substitute coffee) is a normal breakfast surely??

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2017 12:16

I think you need to re-read the OP's posts Gre8scott

In particular.... Now he looks thinner, and still looks nice. he's an attractive looking boy. No one meeting him today would see any problem, unless they could see the change - so relatives have noticed as we only see them a few times a year.

And... He is now on the lean side of slender

I get where you're coming from regarding living with someone with an eating disorder, being a hellish and scary thing.

Exactly the same can be said about living with someone who's eating themself into an early grave, or seeing a loved one go through one of the 135 amputations per week in the UK, due to diabetes.

None of it is nice.

StormTreader · 21/06/2017 12:28

Does he have lots of access to healthier choices than pizza and nutella crepes? It could be that hes gotten used to eating very small portions because the food offered is all high-calorie?

saoirse31 · 21/06/2017 12:46

I understand your worry op. A dramatic chge is going to concern you. However I'd second worras comments above i think, but keep close eye.

If u start buying and making and eating healthier food, then providing he's having breakfast And two decent meals, hopefully he'll be fine. Its prob vital you educate yourself ( and him by osmosis rather than nagging) about eating healthily.

Chge to brown bread and rice, wholemeal pasta, lots of veg, fish etc.

Why not get him to try porridge or muesli for breakfast , might be more satisfying than bit of toast.

Have Ds whose lost lot of weight in similar way but is healthy weight and eats massively more healthy than previously. ,

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