to would you be concerned - DS13 losing weight

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DS13 is 5ft 10 and has always been very tall, and quite heavy (but not fat - just solid).

This last 6 months though, i've noticed that he is eating much less, even though he's put on about 2 inches in height. Now the trousers that he got last december are far too big in the waist.

He has even cut down on his fvaourite foods, like pizza.

Now his friends joke about how thin he has become and puzzle over the triangle shape he makes with a small waist but broad shoulders.

Should I be concerned, or grateful that he seems to have learned to control his appetite? (he loves food)

I have muesli every day - home made so no extra sugar, DS has been offered it, but tried it once and didn't like it. He likes porridge, and I often make it in the winter, but not in a heatwave like today.

I personally don't eat the high calorie foods like pizza, so there is always something else available - a healthier option. DS simply does not like vegetables and seems to consider a salad as a sort of personal torture. So, although there are healthier dishes available, and he is heavily encouraged to just try a little of them, he resists.

Moreover DS always used to be really interested in food, so he was always asking me to make x,y or z. So, its not like he wouldn't know how to ask if there was soemthing he'd rather have.

I don't know that this is about rejecting stodgy foods but being denied healthy options, as some posters are suggesting. My instinct is that it isn't.

There's lots of posts on here that imply that I'm the problem. That I have no idea how to construct a healthy diet because I've allowed myself to get fat.

Maybe people are imagining that my Dc drink coke rather than water, every meal come with chips etc.

However, none of that is accurate.

True, I am fat. The reason is when things are going badly, i comfort eat. I know with every mouthful that I'm making the problem worse but I still do it. However, I do know how to eat healthily, and indeed that is what i did for the majority of my life and I don't feed my chidlren junk because I know no better. I do let them have junk food occassionally, but its a rarity not every night or even once a week.

My children like food that is unhealthy, such as pizza. I don't even like pizza but its a favourite of there's so I make it when someone has done somethingexceptional. e,g, the most recent time I made pizza was because DS had put in a lot of effort for some extra curricular exams. Its a bit of an aside but DS is highly able so he needs to be encouraged to think of effort being what counts rather than good results obtained by coasting. I asked what he'd like to celebrate and he said pizza, so that's what I made (but DH and I had fish and salad).

My youngest was a bit chubby til about this age. He sprouted up and thinned down quite dramatically a couple of years ago and also became more interested in healthier food. Does your son cook at all? Mine was less interested in big meals and became more of a grazer. I keep loads of bits in the fridge (salami, ham, hummus, potato salad, pasta salad) as well as apples bananas and bread. He won't eat veg. I noticed the changes coincided with interest in girls and wanting more independence from me. He has 3 or 4 things I cook that he loves (and a couple of things he can cook himself (fry up or egg things). I always ask if there's anything he wants me to get in when doing an online shop. He went through a phase of eating pot noodles and rustler burgers after school as he said the same about lunch queues at school

Ds sort of cooks i.e. I've taught him how, but he always prefers to have me do it for him. I think he lacks confidence in the kitchen.

There's lots of posts on here that imply that I'm the problem. That I have no idea how to construct a healthy diet because I've allowed myself to get fat.

I don't think that's it (and remember it's not just you, you said your DH is overweight also).

It's more that from a child's point of view, being told they should eat healthily and exercise daily etc, can come across as 'Do as I say, not as I do', when the people telling him, don't appear to be taking their own advice.

Much like when my Mum caught me smoking, gave me a lecture and then lit up a fag.

We got a panini maker which he might like to use to make toasties after school. Ask him to help you cook maybe?

I wouldn't necessarily suspect he's trying to lose weight, or an eating disorder, but I would be more worried that he's lost his appetite.

DS1 is 13 and became more interested in his weight over the last year or so. He wasn't sure of what approach to take so we looked at healthy eating and I let him log his eating on MFP for a week so he could see what he needed to eat to get a balanced diet. DS1 is interested in sport so we focussed on nutrition for sport e.g. for energy, muscle building etc.

Could you take this sort of approach with your DS. For example, if he isn't very hungry in the morning would scrambled eggs and a slice of wholemeal toast be better?

Sounds like a discussion with your GP could be useful to reassure you both about how much you should expect him to be eating on average, and dietary choices more generally. I'm thinking that with a teenage boy you have the advantage that you can talk about building muscle mass as you grow, and make eating about strength and exercise rather than appearance. Good luck getting some more direct advice.

Thanks to everyone who has responded. TBH, when i posted yesterday, I was wondering if this was normal.
If it isn't normal I was thinking it was either that DS had conscientiously made a decision to cut his intake for some reason e.g. someone had made him feel bad about his weight at school. My fear was that he was on a path to developing an eating disorder.
i did wonder if he'd taken a look at me and thought to himself that he'd make sure to avoid the same fate, but that's more likely my insecurities talking.
it didn't occur to me that there may be a physical illness, or that he'd be rejecting the food that i offer him by wanting to make healthier choices.

I'll weigh him tonight and see whether he is losing weight or just stretching out as he grows taller

I weighed him - he's lost 4lb in the last 2 months (which wouldn't be a very impressive result from dieting, whih of course, he is adamant that he isn't). I think he's probably only grown about 1cm taller.

Losing a 2lb a month, is that ok?

You asked him to weigh himself a couple of months ago, why are you going to weigh him again?

If this was a story about a child gaining weight, everyone would be screaming 'Don't weigh him, or you'll give him an eating disorder'.

You've said he's on the lean side of slender and quite tall.

Leave him be, before you make him really paranoid. Just keep a quiet eye on him.

Oh FFS I give up.

What strikes me is that your too involved in what he eats given he's 13 - and people often use food as a way of having some control. I mean, why are you giving a 13 year old their breakfast? Surely by this age, he should just be helping himself to what he wants? By 13 i'd stopped eating breakfast - as a person just not hungry til a few hours later. He's old enough to make that choice.

I also think you shouldn't be pushing him to eat veggies before other foods at main meals either - he's old enough to decide what he eats. I wouldn't advocate making separate meals, but he should have the control to decide what he eats and in what order - he's not a toddler.

I would also second encouraging him to get involved with making meals - maybe give him a meal a week he's responsible for cooking for the family. That would again give him some autonomy, but it can be dressed up as being about independence not food per se.

I make these suggestions having a 13 year old son with a sometimes difficult relationship with food! He is much better when I back off and leave him to it - as a point of comparison, he is 5'11 and weighs about 8.5 stone and seems very skinny but still within a healthy range. Some of them are just built quite slinky at this age, while they put on height instead of width!

*slimly

@WorraLiberty You asked him to weigh himself a couple of months ago, why are you going to weigh him again?

The answer to your question is that I thought this advice made sense:-

BarbarianMum Wed 21-Jun-17 08:44:54
Well if he's so not hungry that he can't maintain his current weight then he needs to go to the GP. Can you weigh him today and then again in a couple of weeks? It's clearly not about hot weather if it has been going on for months.

@SovietKitsch - i do it because that's the morning routine.I wake the DC up, they shower, dress, check their bags. meantime I make myself a cup fo tea and their breakfast, having first asked what they want (usually toast or cereal). While they eat, we talk about what they've got planned for the day, or what the news headlines.
Then they go back upstairs, brush their teeth, put their blazers and shoes on and head out to school.

Its a bit detailed but since you asked. I don't think its controlling.

I think you need to be a bit careful here and maybe back off a little with him, can understand completely why you feel worried but from what you've said his BMI was just going into over weight and now it's still the high end of healthy.

I had quite severe aneroxia when I was younger, to the point of being hospitalised at 22 and 4st 10lbs.
I'd always been a bit chubby as a kid and about 12 years old I started dieting trying to get healthy and exercising.
For me personally one of the things that made it escalate was constant pressure and questioning from people about my change in eating and weight loss. I got so sick of it I started binging in front of them so they saw me eating and then I'd throw it up, I would then feel like I had to make up for those binges by starving myself when I was alone.

Thats just my personal experience and I'm not at all saying that you are making your son ill but just be careful of focusing too much on food for a while.

He is going through a difficult age anyway, with puberty, interest in girls starting and there is also a big trend for health and fitness right now especially in young guys.

It sounds like he is just adjusting to moving into teenage years but maybe try backing off for a while so it doesn't become something more, don't mention it again, you've already offered your support so he knows it is there if he wants it.
Make sure there are healthy options around and treats occasionally as you have been and let him have control of his portions without questioning them for a bit so the pressure is off him.
Maybe also ask both your dc for requests when doing meal planning if you don't already so he has an option to get more involved without pressure.

I wouldn't weight him so regularly for a while either.You could also speak to your gp on an appointment with ds for guidance. You obviously care a lot and sound like a great mum

*without ds

Hi OP, I have not rtft but I have read your posts. Any unexplained weight loss in kids who should be gaining weight is a concern - however, this is explained by a change in dietary habits. However, I am concerned a bit by the withdrawal/isolation, because this is a symptom of starvation (I know starvation sounds a bit extreme, but I just mean the collection of things that happen when you significantly restrict your diet, like increased irritability, preoccupation with food, social withdrawal, poor concentration, feeling the cold, anxiety, over-control, increased obsessing). I think you have done well talking to him and what would be good is if you just help him make sure he is eating regularly, eating enough, and not over-exercising. Also increased positive family time and reduced use of social media can help improve self-esteem and reduce anxiety. However, if he continues to lose weight or you are worried about anything like preoccupation with food and exercise, mood, social anxiety or similar, then you should take him to gp or ask him to see the school nurse. Dieting doesn't cause eating disorders, but it can trigger EDs in people with a predisposition for them - and best tackled before thinking becomes too impaired and rigid.

I wouldn't keep weighing him. If it was an eating disorder, regular weighing and the idea that you are keeping tabs on his weight will not be helpful.

In my opinion, you need to discuss this with a GP. All of us are speaking from our personal experiences and can't offer you an objective view. None of us knows your son. Personally, I would seek professional advice at the merest hint of an eating disorder, but that is because of my own family's experiences.

Just wanted to add. With both my DS around that age they spent a lot less time with me than previously. Maybe he needs a bit more time alone than before. I stopped making breakfast for either of them around age 10 and if I do it now it's a treat. They still go through phases - months of one cereal every day and then one day I notice a half eaten box has been sat there for months untouched. My oldest ate toast for months on end when he was two which I remember was really worrying at the time. He's now 6'2 and makes sushi occasionally. Definitely keep an eye and I would possibly suggest approaching his school counsellor or head of year in confidence if you are concerned about him they were extremely helpful at my DS school