To think i can keep my termination a secret

[bluedrinkstwo]

I tested a day ago and I'm pregnant, I have an almost 4 month old baby. My fiancé doesn't know but caught me googling abortions and is a bit off with me now
I was suppose to test with him and I've already done it so I feel guilty enough. Can I just go ahead and do it on my own now anyway
I'm a bit worried about the effect this will have on my head though. I tend to over think things and can get down very easily
I don't know what to do

You can, yes

If your in a relationship and need to keep this secret you aren't with the right person, it will be a massive thing to keep to yourself for as long as your together and I can't help but think the guilt of such a secret will be too much.

You can of course keep it to yourself if that's what you decide to do

I would tell him, you're a partnership at the end of the day. However I'm not you so you have to do what is best for you. Either way, massive good luck OP, whatever you decide

It doesn't help that I'm sitting having an alcopop. I'm so twisted aren't I? I feel so much guilt I can't stop thinking about it

I don't think terminating a pregnancy is something op needs to feel guilty about (or anyone else for that matter.)

Of course you can go do it without telling anyone.

You don't have to tell him, but how will he feel if/when he finds out?

I personally don't think you can keep it a secret and keep the relationship intact.

Agree clear.

You don't have to tell him, but how will he feel if/when he finds out?

Clearly the OP is worried about how she will feel making the choice she wants to make about her own body if she tells him before she goes and makes that choice.

How he feels about it if he ever happens to find out is rather far further down the list of importance, don't you think?

No people shouldn't feel guilty about an abortion but that doesn't mean not telling your partner and carrying on in the relationship like nothing's happened is ok. If you can't speak to your partner about something as big as this then you shouldn't even be together

Well if you were meant to 'test with him' and he has caught you googling abortion, he'd have to be pretty thick not to figure it out?

Why don't you want to tell him OP?

You don't have to tell him, but are you not telling him out of shame or that he'll be sad (I'm pro-choice but that's understandable) or because you're afraid of how he'll react, that he'll be angry? Those are very different things and if it's the latter I'd have a think about whether you'll be safe if he figures it out and whether the relationship is worth keeping.

If you're 4 months you need one as soon as possible. Are you sure its 4 months or could it be older? Are you sure any periods 4 months ago werent spotting? Call your nearest clinic as soon as you can.

Does your partner want a baby? Are you trying for one? If so why does he want you to test together? Do you have a bump which he's suspicious of? I don't quite understand

If you're 4 months you need one as soon as possible. Are you sure its 4 months or could it be older?

She has a four-month-old baby.

Sorry I had a baby four months ago
Not trying for a baby and don't think he would want a baby right now

Op isn't 4 months, she says she has a 4 month old baby.

Why don't you want to tell him? Will he be angry?

I don't think he has figured it out to be honest but I'm just quite scared of telling him and having him react badly and I think that's why I googled abortion so that he could see and figure it out I had hoped

Do you think you might not cope with two babies so close together? is that the reason?

Why would he react badly when he doesn't want another baby?

Wow. You know it actually takes 2 people to make a baby right? If you can't even be bothered to tell the person you are with that he has made you pregnant, you are really not with the right person.

Your body your choice. However, I absolutely believe he has a right to know.

But why are you hoping he will find out in a round about way? What are you expecting his reaction to be? What do you want it to be?

If you are concerned he will push you to continue the pregnancy and you don't want to do that, I think you can and should get it done without his interference. Then I'd deal with the fall out afterwards.

This is his baby as much as yours. You get to decide what happens to it because it's in your body, but he deserves to know about its existence.

That aside, if you can't talk to your partner about this then why on earth is he your partner and why are you having unprotected sex with him?

you don't have to tell him but I think you should, at least you should if you think he will be supportive afterwards when you are potentially feeling crap.

Is there somebody else who you can talk to? With a 4 month old already you could be exhausted (and if not, why not?!?) and still hormonal so it'd perhaps help to have somebody else to talk the decision over with who isn't so closely involved.

Discuss it with him. As for the alcopop - don't give it a second thought. If you need a stiff drink have one. Plenty of people drink in early pregnancy without knowing that they are pregnant and the risk is not high for the occasional drink.
We live in a culture of blame and accountability. The government advice is designed to protect them, not you.