Re father's day cards in school?

[malificent7]

I am probsbly being a bit unreasonable here.
Dd has never met her dad.. he ran off when i was pregnant. She has just started to accept my dp who i have been with 18 months but understandably its been a struggle.

She was upset the other day as they were making fathers day cards in lessons ( year 4).
She felt left out although she is sadly not alone in her school.
She will give the card she made to my dp which is a huge step ( she chose to do this) and has touched me.

But what about kids who dont gave a dad or step dad?

If i pointed this out ti the school would it be the same as an atheist parent complaining about the school nativity?

Im atheist and i gavnt ever compkained about the Christian etjos of the school btw! I do think the father's day card thing whilst well meaning is a bit insensitive.

Id rather she concentrated on the curriculum.

I never made them with the classes I've taught (yr 2-6) because they should be learning something, not making cards for a made-up celebration.

I think if they don't make Father's Day cards they shouldn't make Mothers Day cards either.

Sadly it's clear that a lot of people either just don't believe that it's damaging or they don't care.

Yet the attitude from some on here seems to be, that because pupils who don't have a mum present (as a result of the mother leaving the family) are a smaller number, it's still OK for schools to make Mother's Day cards. What about those pupils for whom that will be damaging, whether they are a smaller number or not, or don't they matter?!

I think my ds must have been given the choice as to who to make a card for as he made it for one of his (male) cousins who he idolised. Not his dad - who lives with us and is my dh.

Yanbu - it's just the right thing to do to be sensitive about it.

yanbu , some of the kids in my children's school don't have a mother or father or both.

At our DC school, they do a Father's Day card, however it's in reference to someone they love.

Dc2 friend gave my dh her card as she luff him as he plays football with her.

I'm on the fence. My DS is 4, has never met his father and doesn't have a stepdad either. My father and grandfather are both dead so my DS literally has no one.

This Father's Day the nursery asked DS to think of someone in his life who he loves a lot, he said Mummy, so I have a Father's Day card.

Bless his little heart. He did get upset last year because all the other kids have Dads come to the Fathers Day stay and play and make cards for their Dads and my ds doesn't get to do any of that.

This Father's Day the nursery asked DS to think of someone in his life who he loves a lot, he said Mummy, so I have a Father's Day card.

❤️❤️

I don't think children should make father or mother's day cards tbh. There are a lot of children being raised in same sex relationships who have 2 mums or 2 dads (I know several in this position). Some children have lost a parent and asking them to make a card is pretty inappropriate. Not all children have grandparents or uncles either. It's insensitive.

At most I think suggesting they ALL make a card for someone special is probably the best approach.

Father's Day has been difficult for my 2 this year. No contact with their dad (his choice) and they're confused and miss him loads. They won't be the only ones. A friend of mine fosters children and Mother's Day, Father's Day as well as birthdays and Christmas are hard for those children. One had what can only be described as a meltdown the morning of the Mother's Day assembly one year it was truly heartbreaking to witness.

Barbarian It is not as clear cut as you suggest. It isn't the same as, say, Christmas Cards or Spirts Day. Doing Father's/Mother's Day cards in school doesn't just make some children feel excluded; for adopted children and those in care, it can also remind them of the traumas and abuse suffered at the hands of their birth father/mother. It can reinforce a horrible sense of shame on children who have been removed from their birth families.

I am not saying kids shouldn't make these cards in school, just that I hope my son's teacher will have greater empathy for what he has been through than you do.

*Sports

It's tough. Our school did 'special male relatives' - they were very clear that you got to choose a special male person in your life or in your family, and our child's class did a booklet illustrating what was great about them.

So there were 'my brother' 'my dad' 'my uncle' 'my grandad' ones.

A good way of diluting it without refusing to celebrate the day.

I hate Father's Day and Mother's Day.

My culture celebrate 'international women's day' - which means in practice a bunch of flowers for your mum - but you also honour other women who mean a lot to you so it's not a fetishised celebration of fertility.

I think Father's Day should be the same thing. Honour the men who made you - in the broadest sense of that meaning.

My problem was that I didn't have a 'special male relative' though Fizzy. No father, no grandfather or uncle, not even any close family friends.

If I was concerned that my child was going to be upset by an activity, or had been, I would definitely speak to the teacher regarding how to support them.

In the 1970s, that just wasn't something people did and I can still remember the awfulness of it.

I am a teacher and my dad died when I was 6 so I really do understand this issue.I always say to the kids that they can make a card if they wish for a father figure and we have a nice chat about uncles and grandads step parents .I tell them I didn't have a dad growing up and that I am a step parent myself and always especially love my Mother's Day card from my step son .I am sure all teachers do this as well there is no way I would force every child to make a card .In fact one made it for his mum last week and put a message about being both mum and dad xx

I think it is hideously insensitive. My son's school only did a mother's day card one year and never a father's day card.

I don't think making a card for a special relative is any less insensitive.

It's tough. Our school did 'special male relatives' - they were very clear that you got to choose a special male person in your life or in your family, and our child's class did a booklet illustrating what was great about them

And you can't see what is problematic about that?

YANBU card making has just led to a load of questions about why she has a "Bob" (stepdad not real name) but the other kids say daddy.

Her dad's abusive and doesn't have contact but she's too young to understand.

In the grand scheme of things it's not a massive deal and there are children who cards might upset for much worse reasons.

for anyone or anyone's DC who has been upset.

do you know what?
The more I read on mumsnet, the more i realise that schools and the people who work in them can't do right for doing wrong.
It seems that literally everything we do is wrong.

Which is a shame because every person I know who works in a school[ me included] try their very hardest to do their best for the children they work with.

AtHomeDadGlos
While making their cards my lot learnt:
How to fold neatly.
The difference between portrait and landscape layout.
They thought about backgrounds, borders,designing lettering and colour choices.
They considered styles, did freehand drawing,cutting and positioning.
They consolidated their phonic knowledge and spelling of 'father' a tricky word with the majority spelling it 'farther'.
They thought about their nominated receiver with consideration and appreciation and compiled a heartfelt and often humorous message that made both them and me smile and laugh. We all did it lots were proud, some were embarrassed,some barely noticed...it was hard for me because my father is dead and I really miss him but I think we are stronger if we live our experience whatever it is and show support and compassion for everybody-else living theirs.

We make Mother's Day cards because I work in a CofE school and Mothering Sunday is a Christian festival, however I make it clear that the card can be for any female in the family (we've had foster carers, grandmas etc). Some of the younger classes make Father's Day cards but I never do, as so many have absent fathers for whatever reason, plus my class are year 5/6 so there's no justification really.
I don't think YABU to mention it, so that the teacher perhaps gives other options in the future.

I've never met my dad - very unusual when I was a child - and this kind of thing didn't bother me at all.

I lost my mother young as well, in fact, but I've never wanted to pretend other people don't have parents.

I admire your strength and sense schnitzel I am trying to cultivate something akin to this in my own ds.

I admire your sense and strength schnitzel, I am trying to cultivate this in my own ds.