Re father's day cards in school?

[malificent7]

I am probsbly being a bit unreasonable here.
Dd has never met her dad.. he ran off when i was pregnant. She has just started to accept my dp who i have been with 18 months but understandably its been a struggle.

She was upset the other day as they were making fathers day cards in lessons ( year 4).
She felt left out although she is sadly not alone in her school.
She will give the card she made to my dp which is a huge step ( she chose to do this) and has touched me.

But what about kids who dont gave a dad or step dad?

If i pointed this out ti the school would it be the same as an atheist parent complaining about the school nativity?

Im atheist and i gavnt ever compkained about the Christian etjos of the school btw! I do think the father's day card thing whilst well meaning is a bit insensitive.

Id rather she concentrated on the curriculum.

Ours didn't do cards but the local paper prints fathers day pictures and messages from all the local infants. Looking through I saw several that were addressed to Grandad, Uncle etc. Some kids in our school have lost their dad to cancer. I'm sure the school dealt with it sensitively and made it clear the kids can do the picture for anyone they like.

YANBU. Luckily my children's schools never make Fathers Day cards.

My oldest son attempted suicide at 6 and 9 partly because he is unable to process the fact his dad wants nothing to do with him. School are aware of the difficulties.

If he was in a class where other children were making these cards it would destroy him.

So I give no fucks about classes not doing an activity that is not curriculum based can be done at home if it protects my son's mental welfare when he's vulnerable.

A lot of talk about absentee fathers. What about the increase in gay parents, therefore two fathers? People who have fought to have the right to have kids together and would probably love a home made card to celebrate Fathers Day but they don't get that right because of comments like the following:

Clearly there are many more children without fathers in their lives than there are without mothers. Absentee fathers are reaching epidemic proportions in certain parts of society where it is almost seen as normal. If men don't want schools to find their own ways of dealing with this situation so as not to upset children eg by not doing father's day cards

Agua our conversations weren't in anyway implying you poor thing, they were along the lines of the fact that everyone has different families some people have two dads some have none, some have two mum's, some live with grandparents etc and that should all be celebrated. You are the one that seems to think this should include pity!

You see, they cant win. I was reading a complaint on another site because a preschooler hadn't done one for their dad. How are preschool teachers supposed to remember everyone's situation. In year 4 though the children can make their own decision. I imagine it didn't have to be specifically a father's day card. They could do it for anyone special to them. Especially at that age

I was a child with an absent father and no male family members. Father's day was less of a thing in the 1970s than now, but I still remember the shame of everyone else making a Father's Day card at Brownies and being told to make one for my mum

The problem wasn't the activity per second, it was that my mum had given me no way to understand his absence other than deep shame and secrecy.

So I don't know. If your child was upset, I think you do need to raise it with the school, but in a 'how can we support my child' way rather than you shouldn't be doing this activity'.

I think it's fine in most cases as long as it's made clear that children can make their cards for their other parent, grandparent, step parent or whoever.

There are cases where it's not appropriate, like if Toysaurus child was in the class I'd expect the teacher to be aware of the situation and not do it. Or if a child in the class had recently lost a parent. But that comes from teachers knowing their pupils and using their discretion (and I wouldn't expect that the other children and parents would be told why).

We do Mothers Day and Fathers Day at Brownies. We introduce it as mothers/Father's Day but do say they can make it for whoever they want as all families are different. It's on our term plan so parents know it's coming and could choose not to send their child that week (unlike school I know). We mostly know our girls family situation so know that child a is fostered so makes two cards, one for foster mum and one for bio mum. We know child b doesn't see her mum so makes a card for her dad. I hope we're approachable enough that a parent could speak to us in advance if they had any particular concerns.

"The problem wasn't the activity per second, it was that my mum had given me no way to understand his absence other than deep shame and secrecy."

And that is the problem I suspect. I think a lot of this is about how it's dealt with at home

I don't think this needs to be rocket science with year 4. Dd is year 4 and made a card. Another girl in her class isn't in contact with her dad after they fled dv last year and he's now in prison and she's returned to school. Teacher gave the option of making a Father's Day card or a card for someone special in their life.

Teachers have a duty of care and that includes emotional well being. 3 of my cousins lost their mums to cancer so of course their teachers should take that into account when lesson planning. I know lots gets put on teachers these days but this is just basic stuff in this day and age.

Many schools do Mother's Day cards but not Father's Day ones. Like it or not, it is very unusual for a primary age child not to have a mother around.

We have a school that does Mother's Day but not Father's Day. I don't like it, but feel we can't complain and be the nuclear family whinging about feeling left out when others don't have dads.
There are also kids in the school who don't have mums either, as well as foster kids.

Our infant school make Mother's Day but not Father's Day cards and presents.
Ds bought me home a little clay pot that he had made and painted, with a candle in it, and he had made a really nice card.
It's really wound me up that there's not even a nod to Father's Day.
Some children do have a dad in their lives, it would have been nice to offer a choice. I did ask when I picked him up on Friday by the way, I'm not just assuming he wasn't given a choice -he definitely wouldn't have chosen to do a craft activity

In my kids school and the one I work in the children without a dad around can choose who they make their Father's Day card for, some have step dads, some make one for an uncle or grandad and others do 'happy Father's Day Mum' ones. Same at Mother's Day.

I disagree strongly with only doing Mother's Day - it's a message to the dc that it's more important than Father's Day so mums are more important and dads are dispensable. A whole generation of boys learning the opposite of what I'd want them to learn. As I said my 3 cousins sadly lost their mums and they were primary age. It's just about marking the occasion sensitively.

mother's day has its roots in religion, mothering sunday. not so for father's day. it is just a jump on the bandwagon for Hallmark.

Not RTFT. This happened to me in the 80's. My DS 5 didn't do a Mother's Day card so thought his school didn't do it. After school club decorated a wine glass, which I thought was apt! But then DS came home on Fri with a Fathers Day card.

My DH obvs v happy with the card. But it made me feel really sad all over again thinking about how many kids every year are doing this. Agree with pp re Mother's Day - schools need to adapt for each kid if they are going to do this.

Cake, what annoyed me most was the first year they were at the school, we weren't told that they didn't do it - they just came home on the Friday empty handed.
I'm disabled, I can't just sort out craft activities with little kids at short notice, so DH had to go without. And it was when his depression was particularly bad and really affected him :(

Well said m0therofdragons

My daughters school do Mother's Day and Father's Day cards, id be disappointed if she did a mothers day one and then didn't do one for her Dad or at least have the opportunity, unfortunately some family's do have absent dads just like some don't have a mothers, it's life though. They can always do it for a grandad or uncle or someone special in there life's

(Possibly relevant, DH was also brought up by just his dad, so to have fathers disparaged like that was especially upsetting)

DD made a card for her teacher who was going on maternity leave. I think personally, you should take the lead on this one and support your son, blaming the school for marking a widely celebrated day is lazy.

Every year I talk to her teacher and let them know the score and even though she no longer bursts into tears in class, it's important that the teacher knows and that DD knows that she has support at school.

We have practiced stock answers if people ask where he is, the easier I can make it for her to talk about him without it being 'a big thing', the easier it will be her to be more comfortable with it. It is a big deal that he isn't a part of her life but my job, is to support her in not making it a never to be discussed/ never to be acknowledged part of her life.

DD's dad terminated contact but I do make a point of mentioning him the shit because he's important to her and she needs to know that she can talk about him and that I will listen. DD is now ten and it's still difficult for her but her confidence in acknowledging and talking about his absence has grown immeasurably and hopefully it has dulled the pain of his absence.

Accusing and apportioning blame isn't as constructive as an open dialogue with your son's teaching staff. I have found DD's teachers to be very supportive, even when we don't see eye to eye.

Hmm, well I teach y6. In our area, children do not really do arts and crafts at home, don't have equipment, pens, glue etc so I think making cards is a worthwhile learning activity right up to y6. It is also an opportunity to do something for someone else. We sometimes make them more curriculum linked (e.g. Follow instructions for a specific style of card, write a poem, different adjectives, IC T use etc). In our school, about half the kids don't have dads at home, though some see them regularly, some have step dads etc. If anyone doesn't have a mum, we definitely know about it. Not fair, but the way it it. So this year my class all live with their mum so we did a challenging follow-the-instructions tricky but creative card for mothers' day.
We have an ongoing Escher art project at the moment but on Friday they had to option of making a card for dad or someone else, or continuing with their artwork. Not a perfect solution, but hopefully allowed everyone to do what they wanted with no singling out or shame.

At the school my sister's children go to they don't make Father's Day cards for this reason although they do make Mother's Day cards.

What àbout the children who don't have a mother?

Completely agree. But statistically there are a lot more children without fathers than there are mothers and I suppose that's how they view it.

YABU my mum died when I was three and the class still made Mother's Day cards. Not every year in primary school but some years I was given the option of another task or being a special helper for the teacher. I would just make a card usually and give it to my dad.
No matter what they do schools will never be able to do the right thing.

Cornflakes91 that is a really good idea.

we made father's day cards
we have 6 children who are brought up solely by fathers
i explained that i don't have a dad so i was making my card for my mum and asked who they would like to make a card for-it could be for anyone special in their life