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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re father's day cards in school?

154 replies

malificent7 · 18/06/2017 09:21

I am probsbly being a bit unreasonable here.
Dd has never met her dad.. he ran off when i was pregnant. She has just started to accept my dp who i have been with 18 months but understandably its been a struggle.

She was upset the other day as they were making fathers day cards in lessons ( year 4).
She felt left out although she is sadly not alone in her school.
She will give the card she made to my dp which is a huge step ( she chose to do this) and has touched me.

But what about kids who dont gave a dad or step dad?

If i pointed this out ti the school would it be the same as an atheist parent complaining about the school nativity?

Im atheist and i gavnt ever compkained about the Christian etjos of the school btw! I do think the father's day card thing whilst well meaning is a bit insensitive.

Id rather she concentrated on the curriculum.

OP posts:
EccentricPickle · 18/06/2017 09:44

Our school didn't make them this year, which I found really sad as they did Mother's Day cards and DH prefers a card made by the children rather than shop bought.

I didn't have time to make one with them and assumed they'd do it at school so he had shop bought ones this year.

I don't have a dad - mine sadly died when I was young. If I had to make a card I probably would have just made one for my mum or Grandma (never had a stepdad and both my Grandads died before my dad).

My nephew doesn't have a dad either but he usually gets a card for his Grandad (Dh's dad).

Trb17 · 18/06/2017 09:47

YABU. You can't ask everyone to stop celebrating a day because it doesn't fit your family dynamic. Recently my DD made mothers day cards. Yet my DD chose not to make her card for me but instead to make hers for her Auntie whose fighting cancer. I though that was lovely.

There will always be times and occasions where others celebrate something you can't. But we must learn to make the best of these times and adapt them to fit our own lives in ways that does not spoil them for others.

With a bit of thought and kindness, celebrations of this kind don't need to be upsetting.

bridgetreilly · 18/06/2017 09:51

I'm baffled that schools do this at all, tbh. How is it educational?

Clutterbugsmum · 18/06/2017 09:51

YABU, some children don't have mothers as well but they have to make mothers day cards, my friends wife died 6 months after their daughter was born.

MercuryMadness · 18/06/2017 09:54

I wouldn't expect a class to be making Father's Day cards in year 4. Definitely a reception/key stage one activity.

Because year 4 children should not do art projects??

Runny · 18/06/2017 09:55

I work in a school and usually we'd make it clear that the card be for anyone important in the child's life, a stepdad, grandad or Uncle.

Riderontheswarm · 18/06/2017 09:55

Yanbu. My DC's school did not mention father's day at all. I have no problem with this. I'd rather my DC made their cards at home than a child without a father was put in an upsetting situation. I imagine most people would feel like this.

MercuryMadness · 18/06/2017 09:55

Our school make it an art and poetry project right through to the end of primary. Can be for a dad, grandpa, uncle etc.

hellobonjour · 18/06/2017 09:58

I don't agree with schools making cards for Mother's Day or Father's Day. It's a Hallmark holiday. Leave it to families to sort it out

AlexanderHamilton · 18/06/2017 10:01

That's not actually correct hellobonjour, Mothering Sunday originated as a church celebration. It was the one Sunday a year when those in domestic service were allowed to go home to attend service in their mother church with their families.

showergel1 · 18/06/2017 10:04

mercury They should be doing harder art projects.

SpareASquare · 18/06/2017 10:05

DD makes her card for her granddad. She's never seemed upset or bothered by it. I wouldn't want it banned.

Writerwannabe83 · 18/06/2017 10:06

At the school my sister's children go to they don't make Father's Day cards for this reason although they do make Mother's Day cards.

pringlecat · 18/06/2017 10:06

I don't see the problem with kids making Father's Day cards as long as it's an age appropriate activity and the teacher has a strategy for how to deal with children who are known not to have a father and/or have recently (unknown to the teacher) lost that father figure.

One idea might be to frame it as more general card making activity, with kids either able to make a card for a father figure or perhaps even for another child: www.postpals.co.uk/find-pals/

There are lots of people who would love to receive a lovely card.

PurpleDaisies · 18/06/2017 10:06

Because year 4 children should not do art projects??

We do proper art projects in year four that relate to something on the curriculum. Not card making.

madcatwoman61 · 18/06/2017 10:08

YABU. Today is my daughter's birthday. Her father died when she was 15, and on every significant birthday, and yesterday when we went wedding dress shopping, she is surrounded by reminders that her dad is not there. It hurts me every year, however it would be very unreasonable to demand that the rest of the world should not celebrate their fathers!

DJBaggySmalls · 18/06/2017 10:08

It doesnt need to be banned, they just need an alternative activity, or they can make another card for their Mum.
Schools have the same problem when they teach the family tree, there are always some kids that cant join in. They can research the family tree of someone they admire instead.

JamesBlonde1 · 18/06/2017 10:09

Yes YABU. Why should the majority not enjoy making cards because the few don't have a "father"? In that scenario most children would make the card for a step-father, grandfather or some other male figure in their life. Or even as a memory.

I don't know when this over sensitivity if school activities began but please appreciate this is a long standing tradition and children enjoy it. Are you seriously saying that it shouldn't be done for the risk that 1 Out of 30 children don't have their father around?

Surely as a parent you'll teach her to cope with situations like this. That's being a parent.

Ditsy1980 · 18/06/2017 10:11

DD's school gave them the option of who it could be for, I'm not sure how it was worded in class but I know one of her friends made a card for their Mum and another for their Uncle.
DD made one for her Dad then spent hours in tears as she won't see him today as he's a selfish twat but that's a story for a different thread!

SoupDragon · 18/06/2017 10:12

At the school my sister's children go to they don't make Father's Day cards for this reason although they do make Mother's Day cards.

What àbout the children who don't have a mother?

OP how has your DD got to Y4 without encountering Father's Day?

mrsBeverleygoldberg · 18/06/2017 10:16

We used to make cards for Mother's Day and Fathers Day. But I would tell the children that they were for your mum or dad or any special man or woman in your life. As respect for children who don't have a mum or dad in their life. It needs to be handled really sensitively.

TheLionQueen1 · 18/06/2017 10:16

Are you sure the teacher didn't talk to them about family/dads etc. I run a Rainbow unit and the girls are 5 and 6, we did fathers days cards and presents but just explained that everyone has different families and had a good chat about that and helped them write their cards to any special person they wanted to (we had two whose dads aren't in the picture).

I do think you are being slight unreasonable as it's a national recognised holiday and because sadly some don't have a father (including me) doesn't mean it shouldn't be celebrated. If I were you I would have had a chat with you DD before Father's Day about families and stuff, set her expectations?

headinabook · 18/06/2017 10:17

Wow. I'm amazed that any schools make Father's Day or Mother's Day cards. All schools that I've worked in avoid it because of absent fathers or mothers/bereavement/same sex parents/in foster care etc.
However in my current school, during PSHE lessons when there is an appropriate theme, the outcome might be for children to design a card for someone important to them (e.g I'm thankful to you for taking care of me). Also we have Golden Time on a Friday where children have free creative play time and some children were making Father's Day cards then.

chipsnmayo · 18/06/2017 10:19

I think YABU so long as they give other options of who they can address them too (uncle, grandparent etc).

My DD (now 18) does not have her dad in her life (he walked out on me when she was a baby, then he died several years ago), I remember in y6 Art, they were making father's day cards, she decided to make a birthday card for a friend and the teacher was less impressed that she wasn't making a father's day card.

I was quite pissed off with that.

suffolknclose · 18/06/2017 10:19

YABU and I'm Shock at all the posters who have made reference to schools making Mother's Day cards but not Father's Day cards.

I'm also a bit disappointed to read that some don't bother altogether as forgetting the fact here that if it weren't for school then a lot of children wouldn't have the opportunity to make something for either parent. Not everyone has someone around to help a child do something for their parent. I'm in a relationship with a previously single parent and I love taking his DC to get something for him at Christmas/birthday/father's day because it means so much to them to treat their dad.