To absolutely hate being a working Mum.

[Fulani1989]

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or ridiculous.
My Son was very much wanted but in hindsight o just didn't how hard parenting is when you have to work. I've been a single mum since he was 2.

I've been working full time for a year and I am absolutely exhausted. He's 4 and a half now and it's easier now than it was when he was 2 but it's still so incredibly hard.

I absolutely love my job. The job isn't the problem. Which is one good thing. I need to work full time for financial reasons. I work 9:00am-4:30pm.

I get the train near my house at 8:00am and get the train back at 5:11pm. Home for about 5:45. I know these are probably not unusually long hours but my commute is a walk,two trains (albeit short journeys) and a bus. It's a really stressful commute. But I have a job that means I only have this location viable for me to work. The location isn't even a problem. It's only 25 mins away by car (desperately need to learn to drive and I'm trying my hardest with automatic lessons).

I find getting my son dressed for school, giving him breakfast, taking him to the childminders at 7:40am with him crying and moaning is so incredibly stressful.

Once I'm on the train I relax and feel happy and love my working day but my heart sinks knowing I have to pick my son up from childminders and get him dressed etc.

I can honestly say I hate it with a passion. I don't know how people do it.

On Friday I feel such a sense of relief.
I'm happier than when I was a skint stay at home mum but it's so incredibly hard.

There's nothing I can do. This is the way it has to be. I know once my Son can get dressed and walk to school and back it will be easier. but that's secondary school age 😭😭😭

Please tell me this gets easier? I honestly feel I'm having some kind of breakdown I find it so hard.

His Dad has his every other weekend but I really do think he could do more. I'm seriously considering offering my Sons Nana money to collect him from school for me and give him his Dinner/have him in pjs.

I'm so stressed.

AIBU? And please tell me it gets easier.

It will get better. Good luck with the driving lessons!

Would it be a lot more expensive to have his grandmother pick him up?

YANBU OP. It is really hard. I hope your driving lessons go well.

It would cost me £100 a week more but I don't mind. I have cheap rent and earn 30k a year.

I don't earn enough for a nanny. I'd love an au pair. But I don't have a spare room.

She nana lives 35mins drive away. I don't think she'd do it or it would be viable.

I would be so much happier if she did it. It's different than an official childminder where you have to be back on time.

I have 2 Ds (4 and 9) and work 9am to 5pm, I am also a single mum.
I absolutely feel your pain.

Thankfully I drive, but traffic means the journey home can take an hour, when really it should take 20mins at most.
I sit in the traffic, after picking up both ds, absolutely dreading going home, rushing dinner and homework to have them settled and ready for bed at a reasonable time.

The days are long but the years are short as they say. These times won't last forever, And before we know it, We will have older children who don't need us as much. I'm trying to hold on to these sentiments to keep me sane and my only advice to you is to try and do the same.

I should also add, my eldest ds goes to his dad's eow, but my littlests df passed away when he was a baby, work is the ONLY break I get.

Okay - could the CM give him breakfast? Nursery give DD her breakfast and it makes mornings less stressful. She just has a cup of milk at home.

Also what time does he get up? DD is grumpy if she wakes too late as she is still waking up and I am bustling her about. So does he have time to wake up properly before heading out?

You are doing fine. You are supporting your son. Soon you will be able to drive. Although why only automatic? They are rarer and much more expensive.

I am doing automatic to learn quicker. It's a matter of urgency. I'd only want automatic anyway.

I have been given an automatic car. I've literally only got the learn to drive now!

I will get childminder to give him breakfast. That's a good idea.

Really I need a childminder who will pick up and drop off. Or at least drop off from the nearest school.

I could move nearer my family but they live in an absolute dive in the middle of nowhere.

I think I would die if I had to live there!

You are doing an amazing job juggling all that! It's incredibly hard being a working mum especially with no transport or help. It will get easier once you start driving.

It is incredibly hard. Would your ex do a pick up mid-week? It's terrible that it's just left to you. (I know what that's like, btw.)

I know this sounds mad, but how much would it cost to get a taxi to work?

Learning to drive automatic is absolutely the right thing.

Its only a tiny part of your OP, but he will be getting himself dressed long before secondary age! I certainly haven't had to help my 6 year old with any element of getting dressed in a long while.

If you can pass your driving test things will get a bit easier very soon, as he is on the cusp of being a lot more independent in terms of self care now he is 4, especially if you are clear you expect it and full of praise that he does.

Could his father take him 50:50?

You do sound as though you are doing an amazing job and you should be proud of yourself.
I hate to say this but I actually found the pre school years easier and it became more difficult when my ds started school. I would have questions such as why can't you pick me up from school, everyone else's mum and dad pick them up from school etc. I found it heartbreaking and would regularly be driving to work in tears.
Managed to change my hours so I could do more drop offs but he had to go to aftershchool until p7.
I think the idea of getting his gran to pick him up would be great if it could was reliable?
Is there any way his father could help with pick up and dropping off?

Of course YANBU. It's such a long day.

FWIW I do think you have the seeds sown right. He will get easier and more independent - there are different challenges with older children but the sheer relentlessness will ease up, and he will get more rewarding and engaging as he grows up. You will learn to drive. You already have a job you enjoy which is huge in terms of quality of life.

Book a full couple of weeks off over the summer if you can.

Thanks everyone. My son is currently in a pretty decent school.

There's one that serves the area near my house and it's not quite a good. Rated 'good' by ofsted.

It has a breakfast club and after school club.

If I moved my son there and paid for him to do breakfast and after school club I would only have to leave the house at 8:20am, get him there for 8:25am and walk to the train station which is a 10 minute walk from there.

Then I'd pick him up from after school club. I could get him at 5:30pm

That would make my life so much easier. But it's not that good a school. :-(

My parents have him for all summer holidays thank goodness.

It will get easier - is your DS at school? You could try an ad in the local paper for someone to come to the house - give breakfast, get him ready and take to school - then pick up in the evening, feed etc until you get home (this is what we did when moved a long way from home knowing no-one in the area and no family nearby) - worked until DS2 went to secondary school!

Obviously we don't know his dad's circumstances but it does sound like you need more than just every other weekend off! Have you suggested him having DS longer yet?
You sound like you're doing a fab job of it all and I don't blame you at all for feeling knackered & overstretched. X

Have you visited the school, I would not put much store in ofsted ratings tbh. If you like the closer school that would make things easier even when he is walking himself to school.

How old is your son?

It's so near he could probably walk to school about 8!

It does make sense really.

My son is 4 and a half