To absolutely hate being a working Mum.

[Fulani1989]

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or ridiculous.
My Son was very much wanted but in hindsight o just didn't how hard parenting is when you have to work. I've been a single mum since he was 2.

I've been working full time for a year and I am absolutely exhausted. He's 4 and a half now and it's easier now than it was when he was 2 but it's still so incredibly hard.

I absolutely love my job. The job isn't the problem. Which is one good thing. I need to work full time for financial reasons. I work 9:00am-4:30pm.

I get the train near my house at 8:00am and get the train back at 5:11pm. Home for about 5:45. I know these are probably not unusually long hours but my commute is a walk,two trains (albeit short journeys) and a bus. It's a really stressful commute. But I have a job that means I only have this location viable for me to work. The location isn't even a problem. It's only 25 mins away by car (desperately need to learn to drive and I'm trying my hardest with automatic lessons).

I find getting my son dressed for school, giving him breakfast, taking him to the childminders at 7:40am with him crying and moaning is so incredibly stressful.

Once I'm on the train I relax and feel happy and love my working day but my heart sinks knowing I have to pick my son up from childminders and get him dressed etc.

I can honestly say I hate it with a passion. I don't know how people do it.

On Friday I feel such a sense of relief.
I'm happier than when I was a skint stay at home mum but it's so incredibly hard.

There's nothing I can do. This is the way it has to be. I know once my Son can get dressed and walk to school and back it will be easier. but that's secondary school age 😭😭😭

Please tell me this gets easier? I honestly feel I'm having some kind of breakdown I find it so hard.

His Dad has his every other weekend but I really do think he could do more. I'm seriously considering offering my Sons Nana money to collect him from school for me and give him his Dinner/have him in pjs.

I'm so stressed.

AIBU? And please tell me it gets easier.

OP I get it is hard. I have twins and my DH works away a lot. Getting them out for school is a massive pain and home again at the end of the day. But now they are seven it really has got a lot easier, they kind of get it and they get themselves ready get their own breakfast etc.

And you have lots of positives. You love your job. You have the ability to work a different pattern if you want. You have been given a car! Your working hours are manageable. You have all summer covered... Plus some help from grandma etc.
and you say what you don't like is "having to leave home at the same time every day"?
Sorry but most people have to do this every day.

From a completely different angle, I would focus on the practical things to get your ds ready and relatively calm.

For example, your ds's schedule before and after drop off, does he know it? Does he know what time he needs to be up and ready by? Has he decided breakfast the night before? (We do this, even get it out ready)

We have a "schedule" with time, of what dd needs to do each morning. E.g.
6.55am get up
7am toilet (wee, wash face, clean Heath)
7.10am get dressed
7.20am be downstairs for breakfast
etc etc

It's printed and on her wall in her bedroom and downstairs in the kitchen.

Uniform is out and ready, and dd is encouraged to be independent. The threat of "if you're not ready you'll go as your dressed" has been followed through, once, where I dropped her off at CM in her pj bottoms. She didn't mess about agin with getting dressed!

I prefer CM than school clubs. There is more flexibility. Speak to CM and she if she can do breakfast once a week, or dinner? It'll just take some pressure off.

Other practical things would be your dinners being batch cooked or more or less ready when you get in.

Hugs to you op. To work ft and he a SM is admirable, sounds like you're doing amazing to me.

I found long days so much easier. On those days he is already bathed and in bed so I can actually just go home from work and chill out plus I have full days off to catch up and spend time with him without rushing around.

Thanks everyone.

I've decided I will move him to the nearer school and use the breakfast club. This means he only has to be dressed and will get his breakfast there.

Then I will use the after school club.

It's on until 6pm so plenty of time to get him.

I'm going to give it another 6 months. See how I cope. Worst case scenario I can move back nearer family and have someone else take him to and from school! That sounds bliss!

I hate where they live but if it means I can have less stress it may be worth it. Nothing stopping me moving back again once he's older/I have my driving licence.

Fulani

it really doesn't sound as if its "being a working mum" that you hate, it is very "specifically getting my son to and from childcare/having to leave on time each day to rush back".

Your solution of using the local school with breakfast and after school club, plus learning to drive, will hugely improve this, as will encouraging his self care skills - he needs to be able to get himself dressed at school anyway (PE).

In the immediate term, for the last few weeks until he goes to your parents for the summer and then starts school, asking the child minder to give him breakfast will take a bit of pressure off at the beginning of the day. Your DS is probably picking up on your stress at the start of the day - he doesn't need to be crying and wound up by leaving the house at 7am or so.

On a side note being a "working mum" isn't intrinsically harder than a sahm - its being a single working mum with a very part time dad not pulling his weight that is hard. In a couple I find working outside the home makes my life easier, as DH has to step up and the burden of full responsibility for every last thing child and domestic is shared. It's your ex's lack of involvement making it hard, because you still have full responsibility for everything related to every detail of your child's day to day life - not being a working mum itself.

Can you take a week off work and do an intensive driving course? It seems to me that being able to drive would improve everything for you almost overnight as you'd have more flexibility about timings. You could do Ds a packed breakfast and he can eat it in the car/at childminders?

I'd be tempted to make getting a driving licence a top priority and put off making any other changes until that's sorted and you know how you get on. You can still move him to the nearer school if you need to. Just a thought but have you checked there is space at the breakfast/after school clubs? I know they can be in high demand.

There might not be space. I've asked.

I am able to drive. My driving skills are at passin standard. My issue is th theory side of things. I really struggle to know what different signs mean and where my car needs to be place at complex traffic lights etc.

I revise every night but it never seems to sink in.

I have a PHD so I'm not stupid. But when it's something I find boring it's like my brain is a sieve.

As soon as I can pass my theory test I can book my practical test as I'm already at passing standard.

I've now failed my theory test 4 times. It's ridiculous! I know I will eventually get there. But it seems the only way I learn is by doing. Actually driving and learning the signs. Not from reading a book.

If I could drive my life would improve massively!

I really hope it isn't too long now.

For your theory test get an app with practice questions and do them over and over, that's how they sunk in for me