To absolutely hate being a working Mum.

[Fulani1989]

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or ridiculous.
My Son was very much wanted but in hindsight o just didn't how hard parenting is when you have to work. I've been a single mum since he was 2.

I've been working full time for a year and I am absolutely exhausted. He's 4 and a half now and it's easier now than it was when he was 2 but it's still so incredibly hard.

I absolutely love my job. The job isn't the problem. Which is one good thing. I need to work full time for financial reasons. I work 9:00am-4:30pm.

I get the train near my house at 8:00am and get the train back at 5:11pm. Home for about 5:45. I know these are probably not unusually long hours but my commute is a walk,two trains (albeit short journeys) and a bus. It's a really stressful commute. But I have a job that means I only have this location viable for me to work. The location isn't even a problem. It's only 25 mins away by car (desperately need to learn to drive and I'm trying my hardest with automatic lessons).

I find getting my son dressed for school, giving him breakfast, taking him to the childminders at 7:40am with him crying and moaning is so incredibly stressful.

Once I'm on the train I relax and feel happy and love my working day but my heart sinks knowing I have to pick my son up from childminders and get him dressed etc.

I can honestly say I hate it with a passion. I don't know how people do it.

On Friday I feel such a sense of relief.
I'm happier than when I was a skint stay at home mum but it's so incredibly hard.

There's nothing I can do. This is the way it has to be. I know once my Son can get dressed and walk to school and back it will be easier. but that's secondary school age 😭😭😭

Please tell me this gets easier? I honestly feel I'm having some kind of breakdown I find it so hard.

His Dad has his every other weekend but I really do think he could do more. I'm seriously considering offering my Sons Nana money to collect him from school for me and give him his Dinner/have him in pjs.

I'm so stressed.

AIBU? And please tell me it gets easier.

Change to the nearer school. I did despite it having only just achieved a good rating, and it was the best decision ever and my children thrived. I had more time, the journey was less stressful and I have no regrets.

My ex is rubbish.

He has a car. Lives 20
Mins drive away.

He took a job that meant he never knows when he's working when I told him not to. He's not much of a Dad. No point asking him to help.

His Mum is better but she lives a bit too far for any regular childcare. She does sometimes have him Friday and has him overnight. I could consider paying her to do that too.

There are options.

Is there no way his dad could help more. My friend has an arrangement with her ds dad where he has him every week - one week wed/thurs so picks up from school Wednesday has him overnight and takes to school Thursday then she picks up after school.
Week after he picks up Friday after school drops back off Sunday teatime ?
I suppose it depends on dad's situation? Her LOs dad's family help out picking up dropping off so they get to see grandson too

I thought it was me just feeling like this !

Though,DS is 7, pretty independent and can dress himself, it doesn't help that his so sloooooow in the morning. But it seems the older they get, the more they need you. After a long tiring working day, DS needs help with homework, reading, play dates after school, Extra curricular activities, trips to the park. The list goes on.

Oops just saw your post about dad think I would consider moving then too

Keep going girl, you're absolutely amazing.

I know it's not comparable really but my husband worked away from when my son had just turned one until just after his second birthday. He was away Sunday to Friday and I got an insight into how fucking it hard it is to work FT and raise and child and keep a house ticking over. I take my hat off to you. Don't doubt yourself and don't feel bad for not enjoying every moment with your son. Just do what it takes to keep some sanity in your life.

Honestly I totally admire you.

Is there any way you can go part time? If you have a Wednesday off then it would so much manageable for you. I'd much rather drop a day than pay £100 per week extra for childcare.

If I moved nearer family my life would be so so much easier.

But I love my job. I might not like the job near my parents. I hate where they live (Scotland).

It's so so boring. I'm used to the city now. I think I'd die of boredom.

Also they're very strict and religious. I'd be a bit worried about their influence on DS. Even though they adore him and he loves them.

Can you work longer a few days a week to get more days off?

I do condensed hours, it's bloody brilliant! a couple of days when the DDs are at breakfast club and afterschool club all day but I'm off for the rest of the week without having to halve my pay!

I can do longer days and have a day off.

But those days are very long.

Xpost tinsel

My job doesn't lend itself to part time unfortunately

My parents have him for all summer holidays thank goodness.

Great, but YOU need a proper break.

Look round the school. We've had 3 settings, 2 good and one outstanding, and the outstanding one is the only one I'd hesitate to recommend to a friend.

Op I've been feeling very much the same recently. My DS is 16 months and I've been a single mum since he was 2 weeks old. No contact with his dad so I never get a rest and work full time with a commute. It's so hard. I'm so tired. I wish my friends got it a bit more...I had one friend who is supposed to be my best friend and has a spare car seat for emergency pick ups, car broke down last week and she said she was too busy getting her nails done the first night and then the second night she couldn't because she was going to the pub. I know it's because she was mad at me for cancelling plans the week before cos ds was sick and she was being vindictive. Another friend is getting married and wants me to be bridesmaid but just doesn't understand how hard it is to pay for and organise a weekend away plus try and find childcare (and someone to look after my dog).
Sorry I'm venting because yes I agree it's fucking hard!

Sorry I realise my message is rambling nonsense but I think I've lost my mind 😂

Have a look at the school. A good rating is good. It sounds like life would be easier then.

Something that helped my morning routine was setting a timer which goes off when it's time to go for a wee, put shoes and coat on and pick up school bag. A special needs TA said she did it with her children and I copied. For some reason the buzz gets let's moaning than my voice

Fulani1989 You sound like you're doing a good job and I urge you to stick at it, you sound like such a nice person and a great mother! I do however think you should definitely not consider paying your son's grandmother to have him overnight/weekend.

dont touch

It's hard isn't it :-(

I'm so jealous of people who have proper help from parents.

Yanbu. 8yrs lone parent here. Even working part time and despite having every routine known to man it still kills me. I've got another decade until they're at uni and I can rest.

It's sad because I don't truly enjoy my son.

I'm wishing his life away to an extent.

Luckily his nana is a help.

I have a son who's 4 and a half and he dresses himself. Kids will let you do everything for them if you let them get away with it. At the weekend show him what to do and praise and make a fuss when he tries it. Give him longer in the mornings when you're working to do it. When I go for a shower I lay my wee boys clothes out and tell him it's a race, he has to be dressed by the time I have had a shower. Life is so much easier now.

His Dad has his every other weekend but I really do think he could do more

My parents have him for all summer holidays thank goodness

His Mum is better but she lives a bit too far for any regular childcare. She does sometimes have him Friday and has him overnight. I could consider paying her to do that too

And you say you have no help ^

I have some help. But it's still really hard and Day to day it's all my responsibility.

Its so hard. I absolutely detest it. People would say im lucky in that i get to spend every day with my kids because i work evenings but in reality im up at 6am every day (after a sleepless night my 1year old won't ever sleep through the night !) then i do school run's (cant drive either so its 4 miles of walking each day) and the general looking after of 2 kids...housework...cooking...homeworks...washing....ironing then at 4.45 Dp comes through the door from work and i go out to work at 5 and im not home until midnight in a very demanding non stop job (mon-sat) Im completely fed up of it i always feel exhausted and grumpy i never have a minute of any day to just sit down in peace for half an hour. Id give up work in the morning only we can't afford for that to happen and equally i cant afford to work in the daytime because i would have to pay the majority of it back out in childcare costs. i feel like i cant see any light at the end of this long tunnel. You are definetely not alone in feeling this way OP